u/ivorylittlebird

Its been almost 2 years since my ex fiance ended it, and he haunts me. I try not to let him have control over me. But the wounds are so deep.

I recently met a new guy who is wonderful. We have the same interests, he has a loving relationship with his daughter, he is gentle and hilarious and we clicked right away. Today I mentioned I was having a rough mental health day and he surprised me with a care package of all of my favorites snacks and tea at work. I broke down sobbing.

I feel like I can’t let myself get close or else the same cycle will happen with my ex. As though this person will also be the exact same. I feel so broken and damaged and my heart hurts.

I cried to my friends today. The damage done was so deep and I want to let him in but I can’t even let my guard down with this person who is completely different from my ex.

Idk what I’m getting at here. Besides I’m tired of feeling like I can’t fully live and enjoy myself with someone new because the shadow of my past haunts me. It feels next to impossible to let him in. I want to. But its so fucking scary to me. We’re not even at a real dating stage yet. But I’m so fucking terrified of getting close and being hurt again.

That’s it, I suppose. I just want to live.