u/jalieahlex5

updates: first off i have my summer schedule and fall courses! i should be good to graduate on time, it's going to require grind, but i know with God and good work ethic i got it! i'm retaking my calc class online (ended with a D+), but shooting at LEAST for a B to show up trend :). i am retaking o chem 1 in the fall at a CC with a professor that has amazing reviews and loves her students! i'm looking forward to it.

this summer ill be taking some additional courses to boost my gpa, and contribute to credits! in the finall ill be taking around 17 units, which is a majority of my major, and my spring semster shouldn't be bad, leaving me still on track to graduate AND could take an additional course in the summer of 2027 (like anatomy for dental school although not required) and still walk in may! THERES HOPE FOR ME...now for the advice

ADVICE FOR DENTAL SCHOOL!!!

this final year is obviously grind time for me. i have around 70 shadowing hours, in which im going to get more when i go to greece for an abroad internship (ill gain around 60 hours), and shadowing my hometown dentist.

i have volunteer hours in elemantry schools and churches (is this good?) it's something i genuinely enjoy, i have around 100-200 hours, but am shooting for AT LEAST 5 by the end of next year, is that good?

for manual dexterity, im a rave girl, so i love making kandi, bracelets, jewlery and pearlers. i also love playing and shaping with air clay! what do you guys think?

my biggest worry is my gpa, which isn't the greatest, SO that means i have to make up for the DAT, and my extra circulars.

1. when do i start studying? (im going to need a GOOD amount of time, im a person who need studying. also where and how can i get good study reps in. studying is something i need to brush up on as being effective.)

2. when should i take the DAT? i will be taking o chem 2 in spring, and my semester ends in may, so that doesn't give me an insane amount of time before applications open.

3. how can i be a better applicant?

thank you guys for all the love, support and care you've given me. i hope to get some good, honest, and great advice! i'm open to anything but also not overwhelming myself.

THANK YOU!!

hello everyone. i am feeling really awful right night. i just failed organic chem 1, for a second time. and failed calculus 1. i tried so so hard in both and it wasn’t enough.

i am ending my third year and about to start my fourth year. i get overly anxious that i will never make it to graduation and even worse dental school. i feel mentally drained and have been crying about it. i meet with a counselor Wednesday to talk about plans, but it still sucks.

i feel like a failure.

i could really use some encouragement and good advice. please help a girl out :-,)

hello everyone. i am feeling really awful right night. i just failed organic chem 1, for a second time. and failed calculus 1. i tried so so hard in both and it wasn’t enough.

i am ending my third year and about to start my fourth year. i get overly anxious that i will never make it to graduation and even worse dental school. i feel mentally drained and have been crying about it. i meet with a counselor Wednesday to talk about plans, but it still sucks.

i could really use some encouragement and good advice. please help a girl out :-,)

The sun has begun to creek through the clouds. Days began to be brighter, sweaters were kept at the end of the closet as their need dwindled down to none. Rain turned into a myth, and flowers began to plague the grass. Spring semester is coming to an end. 

The days felt jammed together as they only consisted of caffeine and studying. Something you learn to grow used to. My eyes had been twitching lately because the weight of the world decided to rest upon my shoulders. My breaths were deep and sighs were long but in an odd way there was beauty caught between it. The more you stress over something, the more importance it holds, the more importance it holds, the more integrated it is in your life. And that's what bothers me so much, is that despite the time passing, the old conversations and love still plays in my head. 

It’s weird though. I can still imagine your face, but it doesn’t look like that anymore. The softness of it has faded into a more adult look and I can only tell through the photos you’ve posted, and the one occasion I saw you in person- new years eve. A night I really hate to remember. It makes my heart churn in a way that could make butter. And I don’t mean a single rectangle, I could feed a village with it. A lump gets caught in my throat and my chest tightens. I can remember looking into your eyes but they had turned a little colder, your hair that had been cut shorter, but your smile, still the same. But you were still a stranger. Someone I could look at and say ‘hey I know you’, but I knew nothing past from what I was staring at. 

It was the actual day I had to walk from you. 

That night was cold, the air was thin, and the alcohol intake was high. High enough for us to conversate and flirt, but then led to 3 different conversations filled with tears. I never know what file to put that night in. I tried to erase it, but I couldn't- the file was too big. 

I can still remember the way your hands moved, how you spoke, what you said. 

I just don’t know you anymore. And it’s weird. I’m okay with it, most of the time, but the other fourth I circle back to every memory, interaction, conversation, and connection we’ve had and search for an answer. I’ve looked a million times, read the book beginning to end, over, and over, and over, but the ending never changes. 

I read the book and don’t know if there will be a second. Sometimes I imagine there is, that the second book is a lot thicker, that it doesn’t end in a cliff hanger. 

And sometimes I hope there isn’t a book. That I never find the answer and I’m okay with it. That I go and buy a new one and it’s the only book I’ll have to read again. But it feels wrong. So instead of trying to figure it out, I try to figure out any and every way I can erase you. 

If I had three wishes from a genie they would be this. 

1. Infinite money. 
2. That we were never together. 
3. Take back wish two.

 

And that sums it up. Is that you’ve pissed me off enough to be mad at you, but not hate you. Because no matter how much I fucking HATE to admit it. It’s true. 

I do still love you. I love the version of the person I was with. And I love the version of the person I know you could be. But the person who you are now is stuck in between. And I don’t really like him. I don’t like what it seems he stands for and how he acts, because I know he could be better. But just because I don’t like him, doesn’t mean I don’t love you. I see you the way God sees you. The boy with the dreams he told me about, the softness of his voice, the smell of his neck, the encouragement that never seemed to fade. I see you. Under everything you think you want to be or who you’re pretending to be, I see you. And that's why it’s so hard to hate you. Because I know the facade is only for a little while. But I don’t know when that little while ends, and that's what makes it hard. 

It’s not like I’m waiting for you to come back, but I think I’m waiting for an answer. And answer to make sense of everything. An answer to see if it meant as much to you as it did me. An answer to see if you still care. If you still wonder. If you still ask. If you still see me and the person that’s meant to wither beside you. 

The answer is that the reason I still miss, think, and love you is bigger than I think. That it’s actually a sign from God to not grow bitter, but to stay soft for your return. But that’s just a theory, and that’s all it ever feels like it’ll be a theory. With no answer, no nudge, no nothing. And sometimes it makes it feel like it was nothing. 

Like I meant nothing to you. That what it was wasn’t real, but nothing more than an imagination and wishful thinking. 

The hardest part about moving on, is that you don’t feel like you’re moving. You could climb mountains, walk valleys, and in the depths of the sea, but the location you thought you were moving on from is right beneath your feet. And that's you try so hard to run from it, but you can’t run from something that’s inside of you. 

Every time I think I've accepted it, I find a new layer of healing that needs to be done