u/jardanovic

"Okay Problem Child, let me see if I've got this straight: you run into a Villain, as per usual for you."

"Yes sir."

"You see him chasing after two kids and saying something about taking the boy's Quirk, so you intervene to give the kids the chance to run away."

"Naturally."

"The Villain takes flight and drags you with him, but you break free and damage the Support Gear he has."

"Uh huh."

"Said Support Gear turns out to be more like a life support machine, and its damage causes the Villain to suffer what you can only describe as "the human equivalent of an action figure melting in a microwave" when he tries to throw a lightning bolt at you."

"I'm probably going to have nightmares until the day I die, sir."

"I would too. Anyway, the Villain falls out of the sky, Ryukyu catches you before you can fall to your death, several lights come flying out of the falling corpse, and now you've got an extra six Quirks, is that right?"

"About the size of it, sir."

"...you do realize this is how you get the title of Problem Child stuck with you forever, right?"

"Considering you're the first teacher I've had that would say it with hardly any venom behind it, I take it as a compliment."

"What?"

"What?"

"I love you, Izuku."

"I love you too, Manami. But, uh, aren't you worried about getting caught using your Quirk in public?"

"Hell no! How am I supposed to show the entire world the sheer perfectness of my boyfriend if he's not glowing pink and radiating hearts?"

"Heh. Well, can't argue with that."

Five minutes and one chance meeting with an Italian heiress later

"I-I don't understand. You said you were Quirkless, so how is Overmodification working on you?"

"It must be Manami's Love! Somehow her Quirk is able to interact with yours in a way that--"

"Running for our lives here, remember?!"

"Right, sorry! This way!"

Three minutes and one daring act of burglary by a crow later

"Sorry we're not gonna make it to the meet-and-greet with David Shield like I promised, hon."

"It's okay, sweetie. I wouldn't get mad at you for being the sort of bleeding heart I fell for in the first place."

"Thanks baby."

"I don't mean to interrupt this very adorable scene, but are you just going to wear the metal head-ring...thing that crow gave you?"

"Yes I am, Miss Scervino, because Flappy Gilmore is my bird friend and his treasures are sacred."

"Flappy Gilmore?"

"Well, I tried calling him Mr. Crowboto, but he reacted pretty negatively to that one."

"...okay then."

Two minutes and one shortcut through a Hearts and Minds Party fundraiser during a speech from Koku Hanabata later

"Rock Lock's Agency should be just--"

"Hey Deku!"

"Oh come on! Look, Taro, can we do this some other time? I'm kind of in the middle of something."

"Relax, this won't take long. And I'm sure this hot little number would appreciate getting away from your loser ass--"

"You look at me again, you get a bullet in your dick. Now what the hell do you want?"

"Jesus, alright! My friend and I got a bet that you could jab yourself full of Trigger and nothing would happen cause, you know, you're you, and--"

"Eccola! Chiama il capo!"

"Fuuuuuuck."

Present day

"Anyway, after I'd split the Gollinis' yacht clean down the middle with a punch and my muscles finally relaxed enough that the syringe could be pulled out of my body without my tendons ripping it apart, Professor Shield gave me a once-over as thanks for keeping the Quirk Enhancing Device out of the wrong hands before he could destroy it. Turns out all the power boosts I'd experienced stacked on top of each other and irreversibly mutated my physiology in such a way that the enhancement was permanent even though I was and still am genetically Quirkless."

Class 1-A was completely silent as they digested the green-haired powerhouse's story. Izuku himself, having expected this reaction, simply accepted the handcrafted macchiatos from Giulio and gave one to Manami and Anna as they nuzzled into him on the common room couch. Finding his voice again, Kaminari piped up, "That, uh...wow."

"For once, Jamming-Whey," Jirou remarked, "I can't give you shit for running your mouth. That's probably more words than I could come up with."

Anna giggled. "I still have trouble believing any of that happened and I was there. Especially once Izuku figured out how to use his power to basically blow the fuses on my Quirk and actually let me touch people again!"

Manami reached over to Anna and gently scratched the back of her head, eliciting contented purrs from the young woman. Ashido and Hagakure squealed over the throuple's combined cuteness while Ojiro looked over at the sleeping bag-bound form of Aizawa to ask, "Is that why you vomited when you tried to use your Quirk on Midoriya during the Assessment?"

"When you run into a kid that can throw a ball out of Earth's gravitational field and is totally immune to your Quirk, there's only a few ways a man can respond. Stress vomiting was the only reaction that wouldn't get me arrested."

Giulio knelt before Aizawa with a cortado in a cat mug. "For your trouble."

"...I don't even care that you're not in my class, you're my favorite student now."

"Okay, I gotta ask: what in the actual hell is going on with the green-haired kid in site D?"

Everyone turned their gazes to the monitor showing the examinee in question, who was riding on the back of a giant kangaroo with a golden circlet as an armored brown bear next to it tore through the villain bots and a strange cat-like flower on the boy's shoulder picked off the stragglers with seemingly invisible projectiles. Turning to Midoriya's file, Nezu tried to keep a lid on his gleeful cackling as he elaborated, "According to this, Izuku Midoriya's Quirk allows him to summon pets of varying species and powers from other universes. He's also a rather late bloomer--up until a year ago, he was classified as Quirkless."

Watching as a bipedal owl with feathers shaped into a hood fire arrows from...somewhere, Aizawa grunted, "Personally, I'm sort of grateful for that. Who the hell would want a four year old running around with all of that?"

The teachers murmured in agreement as All Might relaxed the tension in his shoulders; when he'd first heard about young Midoriya's Quirk status, he feared the worst, but he knew All for One would rather shit out broken glass than give up that kind of power.

Power Loader cracked his knuckles before flipping open the lid on a bright red button. "Alright, we've finally hit my favorite part! Time for big boy!"

Power Loader slammed his fist down on the button--

And absolutely nothing happened.

Almost a full thirty seconds passed before Power Loader started mashing the button in frustration. "Come on, I checked the wiring this morning!! Why isn't it--"

"Yeah, uh, Midoriya already destroyed it."

"...what."

Midnight handed over a tablet that was displaying security footage of the Zero-Pointer's loading area, where a bright red dinosaur with a dog collar and a humongous wolf with a white patch around its eye were playing tug of war with one of the metal behemoth's tank treads. "He had one of his other pets scout out the area when the test started and figured it'd be easier or smarter to deal with the thing before it was deployed."

Turning back to the monitors to see Midoriya happily giving belly rubs to a purple ghost cat, Power Loader promptly stood up, walked over to the corner, and curled up in a fetal position without another word. Nezu then promptly stopped trying to hold back his maniacal laughter, prompting Aizawa to pour whiskey into his coffee. "There goes my sobriety for the next three years."

Present Mic shrugged. "Hey, cheer up, Sho! Maybe the little listener won't end up in your class!"

"..."

"Yeah I stopped believing that sentence before I even finished. Godspeed, buddy."

Up until middle school, Izuku assumed that his Quirk, Lagomorph, was just a garden variety rabbit mutation Quirk. Powerful legs, enhanced senses, and plenty of fluff that turned white in the winter--you know, the basics. Then puberty came around, and in a blink he was standing head and shoulders above...well, everybody. Turns out there was a specific breed of rabbit that Lagomorph was emulating: the Flemish Giant, which could grow to be as large as a dog. Though it certainly made for an adjustment and turned him into the resident novelty act of Aldera for a while, Izuku eventually learned to live with it, thanks in no small part to his best friend Katsumi treating him as the "same fuckin nerd as always".

But then he started training to receive One for All. Which meant his gigantic frame was getting muscle packed onto it at a frantic pace. And what do you get when you take a nerdy good Samaritan who's just dense enough to qualify as a himbo and turn him into a fur-covered Hercules?

Apparently, the thirsty adoration of a temperamental blonde with inhuman spice tolerance.

Halfway through their third year of middle school, Katsumi basically told Izuku they were dating before dragging him to an unfairly delicious ramen place and spending the whole time latched onto his arm with a dreamy expression he had never seen on her before. It wasn't exactly how he imagined getting a girlfriend, but from the way his heart fluttered looking at her, Izuku certainly couldn't complain.

(He would, however, complain about Katsumi's insistence on cutting off the sleeves on all of his tops.)