u/jaxonthemove2

so me and my gf have been together for almost a year now and she’s recently started becoming comfortable with being little around me. she’s starting to use bottles and teethers while cuddled up to me in bed but i notice there is still some hesitation, she’s embarrassed or shy. i may not have all the right reactions but i do truly accept the way she is i recognize this is a coping mechanism and compared to other coping mechanisms she utilizes i prefer this one so i am in full support of her age regressing. often times we will be laying in bed while shes being little and instead of taking it out or asking me to she will drop a hint about a pacifier. i know it’s a pacifier because of a conversation or two we’ve had and ive also seen it she describes exactly what it looks like and when i ask her if she’d like me to get it she always says no. i doubt she’s just talking about the pacifier because she’s making small talk i am under the impression she wants to use it and i don’t mind at all but it’s not obvious to her that i’m okay with it. how do i make my partner more comfortable to be her full little self infront of me? how do i become her caregiver and do it right?

small talk, real conversation, whatever it is im interested. some things i like are golf, the gym, and video games! i hope we click fast dm me here and we can exchange discord

every “dream” i have is a nightmare, i like the nights i don’t dream. i wish my life was like that all the time i wish i was dead i wish that night went a lot differently. id like to talk about it just because im still processing everything and tbh dont see how i can move past this moment in my life. i’m really not sure why like i genuinely don’t understand but ever since i was a little boy i always talked about killing myself and ig with adulthood coming up i figured i had the resources and ability to so id give it a shot. i stole a bottle of my mothers wine, bought a rope, and brought those supplies to a park at 3 am (technically this happened on a wednesday) as i was drinking i was listening to music but i got bored of that. i have NO friends absolutely 0 aside from my girlfriend who i had just left sleeping so you gotta understand, i truly just wanted somebody to talk to. i dialed a crisis support number my therapist had given me and i just wanted to talk. idk exactly what i said or how everything went but we were otp for an hour before cops were knocking on my window. i was in the passenger seat with my open wine bottle. i opened the door and immediately started yacking everywhere because i had drank too much wine and the cops laughed at me. this whole scenario has made me hate cops so much because of the way i was treated when they pulled me out of the car i was begging the guy to remove his hand from my arm, i was showing no violence and moving sluggish but they were still pretty aggressive and rude. these cops gave me no encouragement and when i was on my knees crying begging one of them (idek what i wanted) i heard cops in the background laughing. anyway they took me to the hospital and my mom came to see me. i stayed there until like 11am and when i left i pretty much immediately went to see my girlfriend who i had texted about the whole scenario. i find it kind of odd but everybody in my life not just my girlfriend but also my mom and brother said what i had done was extremely selfish and if i had left them they would be sad. i got no empathy which whatever it’s fine this wasn’t a cry for support it was supposed to be my last night alive but i guess id be happier with the way it went if everybody in my life didnt call me selfish for wanting to be dead. i still daydream about how it wouldve went if i didnt call that stupid crisis support number. i still daydream about the hangmans knot i tied in that park taking my last breath. i daydream about how it would feel tightening on my neck the itchy rough rope squeezing me enough to scratch the itches it was causing while also bringing me someplace else. if i could go back, i wouldn’t have spent more time with my mother, i wouldn’t have stayed home that night, and most importantly i wouldn’t have dialed that fucking phone.