u/jdogmomma

Every frustrating situation causes my narc to explode. Working on a clogged kitchen sink causes him to swear, throw things and scream at anyone who bothers him with a question.
Traffic is bad? Cue the swearing and aggressive driving.
Dogs made a mess? Cue the insults and yelling and name calling.

This weekend has been the sink clog. Which he caused. Constant swearing. We are all walking on eggshells around him afraid to go into kitchen.

I'm just so exhausted.

I know my spouse is a narc, no need to wonder but is talking over me and interrupting while I am talking and then defending himself as "we are conversing, I am not interrupting" is this just being an asshole or is it narc behavior?

I start telling a story and he could be actively listening but then he interrupts me before my thoughts are done or before I am done telling or talks over me. I will say I am not done, can you wait until I finish, and his defense EVERY time is I am being unreasonable and he is just conversing with me. I don't have conversations like this with anyone else, only him.

edited for spelling

I am looking for a GOOD pattern, cost is not a problem, but with options to customize and add features. I am a skilled sewer. Thanks in advance! I can't seem to find anything good and from decent makers that isn't AI.

We are not intimate at all, and its been 2 years since. We cohabitate.

But recently, like last 3 months, he tries to be overtly sexually attentive, will make comments or say things that are so NOT in the moment or representive of the current mood and I am dumb founded. Last night was "can I suck on your toes? the tan feet and color is making me horny."

NO, no you cannot. I just looked at him like WHAT? I was making dinner, he just got done yelling at one of the kids for something and we were NOT having any moments that would support a statement like that.

And this is weekly, 1-2x a week. My answer is usually "no, we are not together like that and I am not interested" which usually leads into a fight.

On vacation and it's all I hear from my family. "Op, 'Ops husband' is so great. He's really amazing how he helps so much and the rest of the guys do nothing. You are SO lucky."

If I hear it one more time I'm going to lose my shit.

He's amazing with them, with strangers etc. He really is. It's only his direct loved ones that he abuses.

I searched that in the sub and found my narc spouse in each response.
Tonight it was a derogatory sexual comment (the usual) after hardly any communication or interaction. And I gray rocked him. Said something like that's not me.

Tried again to draw me into conflict and when I wouldn't, manifested a huge issue on how I can't take a joke.

I told him if you have to explain that it's a joke then it's not a joke.

He's still talking smack to himself in the next room an hour later.

My narc starts ramping up a few days before we leave for trips. We have a summer family reunion every single 4th of July and we travel to a place where 50+ family gathers.

He will become "Super Husband" and "Super Dad" the minute we arrive and all I hear the entire week is how awesome my husband is and how amazing it is to have someone like him around.

The show he puts on is award worthy. And I am the asshole who doe snot appreciate him.

We are in separate rooms. Separate beds. And don't socialize much.
He's a lifetime cheater and a covert narcissist. A few years ago I became aware of him visiting escorts. Confronted and he did the usually apologies. Stayed together because I was unemployed and kids under 18.
He very much wants to reconcile and stay together. I know he's not happy but he refuses to file.

I've filed twice in our 24 year marriage and will file in 2027. It's been a goal and I've paid down huge amounts of the debt I accumulated while unemployed.
Husband will promise to do better but then I catch him repeating behaviors. See his location at a massage parlor etc; I feel like he'd jump in the sack with me but never tell me where he's been....thus exposing me to STDs.

This morning he came to my bedroom while I was asleep and started to climb in behind me. It startled me and I put my hand on his chest and said no.
I know what he wants. He always wants morning sex and even though it's been 1.5 years for us, it wasn't going to happen this morning. Definitely not. He'll attempt affection even though it's always sexual affection, never regular affection and he'll grind on my ass.

I sent him away and he's hurt. I'm the mean one. I'm not trying. I'm not loving.

No. No I'm not anymore. He ruined it.

He wears ear buds constantly. While driving. While at home. Sports things we attend for nieces.
He watches TikTok and reels endlessly even while driving.
We are home together and he wears them. If I say something, I often have to repeat myself.
I stopped communicating. Stopped talking and stopped sharing anything about myself.

He asked me why I'm so quiet. Insinuates that his volume is really low and he can hear me all the time so it's not like he isn't listening.
But yet he's not listening.

I'm an older woman in tech. My coworkers are younger....young enough to be my kids even and all male.
One such young man complains nonstop. About his coworker in his location, about the other coworkers elsewhere, about our user pool. It's every single day. He also texts a group chat (personal phones) with more ranting..... especially if he doesn't want it in Teams.
I used to commiserate (the one coworker IS a jerk) and then I started getting negative about work and my productivity fell.
So I stopped commiserating and just listened, with rah rah pro positive advice etc. Now I barely respond and I'm very sure he senses something wrong.

I could use some help formulating some responses to him when he's going off yet again.