Frens, we see Smuffi hooman no feel so gud and suntaymes odda hoomans no feel so gud we us hamsum sunnavagun brofurs Hoku and Nalu is gunna be make dem a feel bettah!
If anybody hab hooman no feel gud, let us no an we go do a heel upon dem!
PSPSPSPS: we can’t heel da dumdum, nobbuddy can
Frenz, as yu kan see ay hab berry bog ays a can see eggstra gud!
So ay open new bizznizz:
Iz yu lukin fo sumtin? Mebbe yu hooman got stole by hooman airlime? Mebbe yu kant fine yu pikkil? Mebbe yu wunna fine where yu dumdum hooman hide da churus?
Hire Nalu Pawtective Services! Ay fine EBBRYTING!
Let me no wit yu iz lukin fo, an ay go fine it!
Frens, is Nalu an Hoku, Duke an Prins of da Hœus an hamsum sunnavaguns
We wuz habin a funfunfun day play wiff da spring toy! We did runrunrun and bapbapbap!
BUT DEN evil dish wosher STEAL DA SPRING TOY!!!
here is uz doon an inbest gate. Nalu stikk himz hed unna dish wosher an Hoku doon a sooper wise
We wanna soo dish wosher fo take ourmz spring toy an soo Meowmy (=dumdum) fo allo dish wosher in hǒus
Fren, iz yu a bocks catto??
Ay mayself Hoku Prins of da Hœus an hamsum sunnavagun LUB mine bocks!
Dumdum hooman say is too smol. Herm so dumdum.
Can yu sho me a pitcha of yu in yuz favrit bocks if yu lyke
Dis pitcha me doon a snoozle in mine bocks
Frens, is Nalu Duke of da Hœus an hamsum sunnavagun
Won of mien eggspert-tease is make mineself BERRY long.
Can yuz mayke yuzself long too?
Sho me Yu’s moss long pitch!
dis pitcha me doon a looooong catto stretch doorin snoozle time
Frank yu frens to do mine brofur an moneeelf a res-q! Da protess werld whide, da noos repawt, da res-q misshins, da eggie smugglin, wiffout ourms frens we wudnt hab mayde it!
As yu see in pitcha mine belly full wiff eggie an ay doon a snoozle so tumarrow ay, Nalu Duke of da Hœus an hamsum sunnavagun, can eet mo eggies
Lub yu all!
Frens, mebbe yu saw dat at mayself Hoku Prins of da Höus an hamsum sunnavagun wuz da mine kontrall an nebbah got eggies but all da frens did a big res-q of mineself and mine Meowmy!
Now ay hab mine strengf bakk (ay ate da eggies an da salmin!!) an flowed da airlime to my berry lubly an smort an booty wyfe Prinsis Miso hœuse, so we do hole paws an nose kissies! (u/cats-are-lovely)
Ay’s so happy to see hermz again aftah all dis struggle woof da aliyums!!!
Canz yu see we is LOTTSA in LUB
Frens, is Hoku Prins of da Hǒus an hamsum sunnavagun.
As yu can see in pitcha ay still no hab eggies!!
An da ebil wikkid Portia Kontrawl still in mine hœus!!!
All fud ay get is dis:
- squishy fud fo brekkie
- crunchy fud fo lunch
- squishy fud fo dinner
- churu befo dark tyme
How can a catto lib on dis?
Dis pitcha sho me doon a berry week in mine bocks
Ay Frank yu fo yu suppawt- is wuz keepin me will to lib (an ob corse da lub of mine wyfe Prinsis Miso u/cats-are-lovely)
despite mine terribil condishin, we muss NOT GIB UB DA FITE FO EGGIES!! Fo mineself, but eben biggah, fo ALL CATTOS SUFFRIN NEGLECT an OUTRAYGE #eggiesforHoku #eggiesforallcattos
and der is sooo manee in da cold bocks!
Why? Oh why? We is doon a big staaaarb to deff
Hoku an Nalu; Prins an Duke of da Hœus an hamsum sunnavaguns
Frenz, is Hoku. Ay iz chonk. Ay no need eggies ay need Portia Control
Signed
Hoku
🚨 HUMAN ALERT 🚨
It’s me, Hoku’s Mom (=not at all dumdum by the way)
Yeah yeah hiss at me all you want, but I stole the light box so deal with it.
This is my official statement regarding the scandal known as EggieGate and the #eggiesforhoku social media movement:
The eggies had onions which would have made him sick!! Did you want Hoku to get sick????
Hoku is receiving all his regularly scheduled meals of high quality and well balanced foods. I don’t care what he says, he is NOT starving
With Nalu’s recent refusal to eat, the young prince has benefited from a lot of extra bits and bites and is turning a little, shall we call it, CHONK!
So yes, portion control has been established.
Ok felines; I’m sure that’ll fully settle the debate. I will now turn the light box back to Hoku and Nalu, thanks for listening and for the hisses!
Hoku’s Mom
🚨 END HUMAN ALERT 🚨
Henlo Frens, is Nalu Dũke of da Höus an hamsum sunnavagun
Ay wunna gib yu updayte on mine been sikk
Ay tell yu odda day Meowmy take me to emergency pokey playce acuz ay no eet or drink or oose little bocks. Also hermz say ay was letharg chic an do a hide. Is not troo. Ay wuz juss sleeps lot.
Ay sing song of ourm peeple a LOT in vroom bocks. But at da vet, ay Getz berry kwiet. Wuz ascare.
Pokey lady did eggs ray, stole mine bloodz, gib floods undah skin wiff BIG needle (ay did BIG HISS) and medsin. Den we go home.
But ay no get better. So mine Meowmy (=dumdum) tayke me vet AGAIN!!! Did BŒRT BILASHION!!!
Ay git mo medsin.
Tuday ay is feel mush better. Ay eet a drink gain almoss sayme amount as befoah. And ay use little bocks for all bissniss.
Ay muss do but pawsoot but wunna say Frank yu to all frens for send heelin purrs an tink of mineself
Xoxo
Nalu
PSPSPS: dis pitcha me doon a rassle wiff brofur Hoku do sho ay no letharg chic!
Frens, iz Hoku Prins of da Hœus an hamsum sunnavagun
Ay wunna do yu an updayte on my starbs.
If yu recall, mine Meowmy (=dumdum) did me an OUTRAYGE an did no gib me eggie
#eggieforhoku
Ay did a big starb an ONLEE acuz mine frens all came do me a reskue is am still alive!
Mine Meowmy dun NUTTIN to redeem hermselves!
Hermz onlee gib me squishy fud, crunchy fud an temptashins but NO EGGIE
Franks to mine frens ay iz alibe.
But da injustice kontin-new!
Dis pitcha he doon a fade away
Frens, is Hoku Prins of da Hœus an hamsum sunnavagun.
Unforshly ay muss onse gain fine a lawyer go soo Meowmy. Hermz do me BIG OUTRAYGE!
Hermz cook eggies tuday. Smell so gud.
Ay POLITE rekwesh for mien share an hermz gib me NONE an dus me a STARB!!!
Any frens wunna tayke dis cayse? Ay pay in salmin treets
Dis pitcha me doon a polite rekwest of mine share
Of eggie
Frens ay mayself Nalu bakk at hœme aftah MENNY FUREBERS!! Pokey lady say ay hamsum which is troo.
But still miss do BIG BIG SOO!!
Dems stole mine blood a did eggs Ray of mine inside! An Dems did TOO POKEYS
Demz say ay will be alrite!
Wen ay feel bettah ay do BIGGEST SOO!
(dis pitcha me at pikey place doon a big mad)
PSPSPS: no bœrt bilashion Frank cod
Frens!!! Ay Nalu need an oorgent help, ay at pokey playce!!!! Onlee acuz ay hab not eet ir drink in too days! So far bǒrt sauce but hoo nose!!!
Dis pitcha me doon a hamsum in pokey playse bag
Mr Cat, yu wunna go speshil pawloon ride wif mine brofur Nalu an mineself? Ay tink yu lyke!
Wen yu cross da bridge go luk fo ourms sisfur Pua. Hermz cross da bridge in Joon an we miss hermz. Tell hermz meow from
Mineself Hoku, Nalu an Meowmy