u/jollyjack

My mom had stage 4 cancer and vascular dementia. The hospice nurse said she had taken a turn for the worst and believed mom had a few days to a week. I booked plane tickets. Connecting through O’Hare, as no direct flights are available. My brother was there and texted me to tell me he thought mom was gone. The hospice nurse confirmed her passing. I missed her by three fucking hours. We had already had our “last talk” about a month ago when she was still coherent. Her last words to me were “I love you sweetie, be good”. I know she didn’t know I wasn’t there at the end. I wanted to be there for my dad and my brother, together as a family when she passed, to support each other. I feel like I failed them. And then I could only stay a week, so I feel like I abandoned them. My heart is breaking in a million different ways. I just want my mom back.

My mom was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer that spread from her lymph nodes to her uterus and her lungs. That was two months ago. My dad just told me she can’t get chemo because she’s too weak from complications and the oncologist THINKS she won’t survive the chemo so he doesn’t want to even try. They want to send her to hospice. I’m at a loss. I don’t know what to do. My mom is dying and I don’t know what to do. I feel like I did when I was little and I got lost in a department store. I’ve read so many stories about people going through chemo and going into remission - why can’t my mom have that chance? Why won’t they try? My head knows, but my heart hurts.

We just said goodbye to our 15 year old golden retriever, Daisy. The vet came to our house and it was very peaceful for her. Now she’s gone and there’s a huge hole in our lives where she used to be, and I don’t understand how she’s not here anymore. I don’t understand how I’m going to walk downstairs in the morning and her crate is empty. Her tennis balls untouched. Her food bowl (always full) now empty. No click of nails on the floor. No happy feather duster tail wags. No eyebrow wiggles or head resting in my lap. How is it possible? How can she just not be here anymore? How am I feeling nothing and so much pain all at once? I’ve never had to say goodbye to my best friend before. Please tell me it gets better.