u/junjunjune

I've just finished reading Think Again and I was truly gobsmacked at how perfectly JW illustrated my own experience. That feeling of being with a man, yet never feeling right about it. That compliance to a boyfriend and having sex because he wants to or because that's what expected of you as a girlfriend. I've never read my own experience written so viscerally on paper.

Of course, Ellie may or may not be a lesbian but it's just that her experiences seem so like my own! Even her stubbornness, her irritation towards Mr Windsor/her dad, her guilt, her dithering. Wow, after years of not reading JW books, this one has left me stunned.

Hi I'm a MCR fan (23F) who's going to their concert on 11 Nov by myself Anyone else going alone wanna link up and hang out there? It'll be fun!

DM me or comment here yay :)

Hi, I have an idea and vision for a specific cafe concept that could be wildly popular among the public since it hasn't been done in Singapore. If you have F&B operations experience and are interested in partnering up to start a café project, please DM me! We can discuss.

Context: A coming-of-age story about a girl who has a boyfriend she isn't in love with (she's into women but she hasn't realised it yet).

Excerpt:
His idea of special was a dodgy-looking hotel off the red-light district. $25 an hour. What a steal. On the way to our room, every turn revealed sterile corridors that unsettled me. They looked almost too clean, too sanitised for the depravity the hotel hid behind its closed doors. It was akin to painting over rust. The room itself wasn’t much better. It had a big bed and a relatively clean washroom but the usual coziness of hotel rooms that accompanied vacations had fled and in its place sat a chilliness that I could only describe as clinical.

“You like it? It’s the best I could afford after getting you those flowers,” he asked sheepishly. How could I answer otherwise?

It didn’t take long for Ben to strip himself and me clean of clothes. His love handles looked more pronounced than I last remembered. My gaze travelled further down, his thighs were intensely bulky, easily twice the size of mine. The result of years spent training for rugby, he had said. He caught me staring and mistook it for captivation. Smirking, he started mimicking various bodybuilding poses in front of me. A deep-rooted sense of disgust sparked from within me, extinguished only by the waves of guilt that followed. I needed to be a supportive partner. As if to alleviate my self-reproach, I took the initiative to jump into his arms and pepper him with light kisses.

[NSFW part redacted]

In that moment, I wanted nothing more than to run into the shower and wash this stench of sex off me. It would mark the start of another two months of freedom. Maybe I could even stretch it to three if I really tried. Ben begged me to stay and cuddle though, so I did. I sat up and he lay his head on my lap, stroking my bare legs. He could be quite adorable from this angle, much like a big dog curled up. 

Within minutes, he was asleep. I was unfortunately trapped under his heavy head, unable to move or go shower as I had intended. His left arm draped over my legs, clutching a calf. Truth be told, it would have been tolerable if I hadn’t started feeling a growing dampness on me. Despite being in an air-conditioned room, Ben had started sweating profusely, producing a stickiness that clung to my still-naked body. I felt like a used dish sponge, doused with fluids then tossed aside carelessly, wet and dirty

Context: A coming-of-age story about a girl who has a boyfriend she isn't in love with (she's into women but she hasn't realised it yet).

Excerpt:
His idea of special was a dodgy-looking hotel off the red-light district. $25 an hour. What a steal. On the way to our room, every turn revealed sterile corridors that unsettled me. They looked almost too clean, too sanitised for the depravity the hotel hid behind its closed doors. It was akin to painting over rust. The room itself wasn’t much better. It had a big bed and a relatively clean washroom but the usual coziness of hotel rooms that accompanied vacations had fled and in its place sat a chilliness that I could only describe as clinical.

“You like it? It’s the best I could afford after getting you those flowers,” he asked sheepishly. How could I answer otherwise?

It didn’t take long for Ben to strip himself and me clean of clothes. His love handles looked more pronounced than I last remembered. My gaze travelled further down, his thighs were intensely bulky, easily twice the size of mine. The result of years spent training for rugby, he had said. He caught me staring and mistook it for captivation. Smirking, he started mimicking various bodybuilding poses in front of me. A deep-rooted sense of disgust sparked from within me, extinguished only by the waves of guilt that followed. I needed to be a supportive partner. As if to alleviate my self-reproach, I took the initiative to jump into his arms and pepper him with light kisses.

[NSFW part redacted]

In that moment, I wanted nothing more than to run into the shower and wash this stench of sex off me. It would mark the start of another two months of freedom. Maybe I could even stretch it to three if I really tried. Ben begged me to stay and cuddle though, so I did. I sat up and he lay his head on my lap, stroking my bare legs. He could be quite adorable from this angle, much like a big dog curled up. 

Within minutes, he was asleep. I was unfortunately trapped under his heavy head, unable to move or go shower as I had intended. His left arm draped over my legs, clutching a calf. Truth be told, it would have been tolerable if I hadn’t started feeling a growing dampness on me. Despite being in an air-conditioned room, Ben had started sweating profusely, producing a stickiness that clung to my still-naked body. I felt like a used dish sponge, doused with fluids then tossed aside carelessly, wet and dirty.

Today I had a conversation with my gay male friend who I'm in the same queer circles as. I told him how on dating apps, it's very common for me to run into "couples seeking a third" or "my boyfriend just wants to watch us f*ck". He was shocked and said he never encountered something like that before, despite also being on multiple dating apps.

I then shared about how our mutual acquaintances ask me questions like "why did you decide to turn lesbian? " or "are you lesbian because you got hurt by a man?". Meanwhile, my friend said he'd never gotten a question like that before, even though he's out to more ppl than me.

The whole convo was just a reminder that even though lesbians and gay men are both homosexuals, we really live different realities.