u/juoly

Some days ago I made a post about being potentially sick again, which at the end it turned out to be the case.. or better said, I am not physically sick yet nonetheless I will have to do another bone marrow transplant..

The news sucked all my energy.. I usually like to spend some time outside walking cycling have some hobby eat good food and now I barely put a foot out of my room.. What's the point of trying to stay positive see the good take everything as a lesson be a better person? My mind asking.. i do honestly miss the good old days when I only had anxiety and the wildest monkey mind.. i was a fool before and I am a fool now, a sick one on top..

Those teachings I do realize almost never really address the fact that at one point life do seem to stop.. I thought generally speaking staying alive was the point, but if it's not the case, whether this "staying alive" is fake or not, is an illusion or not, well.. they say your soul sign a contract, with the things you want to experience.. well, that sucks big time.. life is unfair for many people, and the teachings say nothing about it..

Ma sono l'unico porca madonna ad avere due genitori assolutamente ritardati? Persone ignoranti, mai visto aprire un libro ai miei genitori, mai avuto nessun hobby, assenza totale assoluta di qualsivoglia autocritica, di ammettere i propri errori, di fare un passo indietro, di ASCOLTO.. la parola intelligenza emotiva non sanno neanche cosa significhi.. persone con una relazione pessima, che si basa sostanzialmente o sull'isolamento o sullo scontro, senza dialogo, senza miglioramento, due rette parallele che mai si sono veramente incontrate..

Si dice che per risolvere un problema innanzitutto va riconosciuto il fatto di avere un problema.. i miei genitori non sono fisicamente e mentalmente abili per ammettere una cosa del genere.. potrebbe scendere il porco dio di Gesù Cristo in terra e credo avrebbero qualcosa da ridire o insegnare anche a lui..

E non parlo neanche di persone discapacitate che dici vabbè, mica colpa loro.. ma di persone che attivamente decidono di non fare nulla e di riversare la loro mediocrità sul prossimo..

SE SIETE COSI NON FATE FIGLI.. MEGLIO ESTINTI CHE DISAGIATI..

Grazie

I might have leukemia again.. I will have to wait until a second test to eventually confirm the last one.. it also could come negative and everything goes back to good, for now, until next check..

Everything went good so far, apart being ill in the first place, and I thought I was out of it.. during the whole time till now there was a lot of processing, a lot of what we could call somatic, shadow work, observing, release whatever.. and I think it worked, I have been feeling honestly good lately, generally at peace, little glimpses, little no-mind moments.. not always clearly, mind trying to fight back in a sense, but also those more sticky days were somehow lighter than before..

Being in my early 30's I can't brush it off at the moment.. I am not in a position where I can take it just as another life occurance.. I would like to live longer and being healthy, yeah..

Is it a test? Isn't enough the "release work" I have done? Am I making it worse entertaining those thoughts? Would it be different if i practiced more yoga, more meditation, ate even better?

What are the chances I do "wake up" now? That would help I guess.. tho it's not like that so far I have had all easy and smooth in my life and yet here I am..

Looking for a new bike.. I already have experience with months / years long trips in SEA and SA.. i have always ridden small bikes (100/200cc), I don't go fast, I don't like it, neither on road or off road.. I am 172 / 58kg or 5'8" / 127lbs.. my last trip I was able to fit all my luggage, camping gear whatever in a 60L duffle and I am looking to keep it that way, tho I want to change system.. either a reckless or soft panniers..

My natural choice would be a CRF 300, cause it's lightweight.. it's a bit on the tall side tho, and I am not a fan of lowering links.. the himi would do it tho it's super heavy and cannot match the reliability of Honda's.. same for CF450 or KTM 390.. and between a 300L and Rally?

Any thoughts on this? I would buy it in EU and ship it to SA first.. in the more far future there might be again Asia, perhaps Africa..