u/just_here_cause_done

Mine is definitely the one I’ve got bouncing around right now haha.

Every year for my birthday they’d go to the trouble of asking what flavour I wanted for a cake, and then getting it, but I only ever got one slice of the damn thing.

The rest of it disappeared either via guilting me into agreeing to let them have it instead or (this was more common) waking up to find it had magically disappeared from the fridge overnight because they “didn’t think I would care/notice”

My birthday is the 25th and since the beginning of May I’ve had this thought of just going to the nearby grocery store, buying a full ass cake without telling anyone, and sneaking that fucker into my room so nobody can touch it but me.

I know there’s a million reasons why it would be impractical/extremely unhealthy/etc. but damn it feels like a good idea

So this is a convoluted mess and I have nowhere else to talk about it so here I am I guess.

Basically, I’ve been disabled my whole life. Both physically and mentally.

But because it wasn’t outwardly obvious or actively killing me, my parents used their usual tactic of “refusing to acknowledge anything might be wrong and punish the child for complaining about any symptoms that totally aren’t there”

This only started to change when I was 13, when I had a minor breakdown which forced them to bring me to the family doctor for something more than a yearly checkup or vaccines.

That initial referral to a psychiatrist started a domino effect that’s ended up with a *lot* of testing and being sent to other specialists when they go “this isn’t my specialty, you should see [other doctors name]”. This happened a lot.

Fast forward to current day, I’m 19, gonna be 20 in just over a month.

I’m being sent downtown to an adult hospital, which is the source of my current situation.

Everytime I even think about going to a specifically adult hospital, the littles send me a giant wave of anxiety and stress and just the emotional equivalent of yelling NO at full volume.

What I think is happening here is that for the past several years, I was being treated at specifically children’s hospitals. And if you’ve ever been inside one, you know that the entire experience is completely different from any other kind of hospital.

From what I’ve read, apparently this feeling is pretty common for people transferring from paediatric care to adult care. It’s just even worse for me because of the whole being a system thing.

Any ideas? Cause going back to paediatric care just isn’t a possibility, and any attempt to explain that to them is like talking to a brick wall.