u/just_stalking_

God I’m so angry. Over 3 years ago I finally had gotten my depression under control with therapy, medication, and just a general healthy support system. It had actually been really good. Till about 6 or so months ago. I ended up moving, so I had to leave my therapist and my support system behind. All I have is my meds and I feel so alone and broken again.

None of my friends back home really talk to me and I’m afraid to even open up to them. I’m starting to have panic attacks daily again, severe mood swings, self isolating and worst of all, the suicidal ideation is back and it scares me so bad. I don’t have insurance so my meds come out of pocket along with seeing my psychiatrist every three months. She’s been working with me to not have to come in as often but it’s getting to the point I will.

I’m so afraid to tell someone that I’m experiencing this because I don’t want to be hospitalized again. I can’t afford it. I can’t qualify for state insurance because I make to much money but I don’t make enough to continue the same level of treatment I had. I don’t want to move back home either. I left home because it was the reason for my depression regardless of it being managed. I didn’t want to stay in a place that makes it worse.

I want to cry so bad. I want to tell people how I feel but I don’t want to burden them. I don’t want to burden my friends, my family, or my partner again with this stuff. I’m to the point that even a shower sounds like hell. I want to do nothing but sleep. I’m sorry. I just really needed this off my chest. It doesn’t feel better though. Saying this doesn’t make any of it better. I’m just selfish and don’t want to be alone.