yeah that’s all it’s not even just midsems although midsems suck too, i’m genuinely LOSING IT so lmao this is just going out into the internet void that one more random person on campus is FUCKING LOSING IT. solidarity and love to everyone else currently losing it.
It will take me more time to actually FEEL it, but right now this is what i think / i’ve decided. I know I’m not objectively very pretty. It hurts sometimes feeling the lack of male validation and attention compared to my friends. But i know in the long term that’s not what will fulfill me. Having more people see me as a piece of ass isn’t actually going to make feel loved. My life is full of love from my friends and my grandmother and my cats, and I do believe i’m a kind and fun person. Sometimes, online especially, it’s really disgusting seeing how people comment on people they don’t find attractive, as if what they have to say is worth less, what they do is worth less, and they are somehow undeserving of happy relationships and being confident and loved. such absolute bullshit. it is all just from a place of fear, idk, you feel like you need to reassure yourself that you will be fine because someone else is uglier? lmao.
In real life I see so many people that are averagely attractive living full lives with loving relationships. and if i get out of this weird pit of comparison, and sizing people up from the male gaze, literally EVERYONE has this unique gorgeous radiance. and the people i admire most are interesting passionate warm people with spunk and thoughtful opinions.
i would rather be a cool girl than a hot girl. the times i feel most pretty and confident are when i feel the most myself. I love customizing my avatar with tattoos and piercings. There are a million ways to be cool because it is about becoming MORE, more of everything you want to be. Being hot is restrictive, it seems to be more about fitting into that specific space and shape. yeah okay this is just me yapping. love xx
edit: and now that it’s not the fucked up quest to prove i can be desirable, i can actually date and open up to connection
hi everyone, maybe some of you saw my post a couple weeks ago. now i’m writing from a cafe, looking through the hundreds of pictures i’ve taken. back home :(( I think this trip woke me up to some things about myself and my life that i needed to be slapped in the face with. I have new motivation to expand my normal life to feel more like something i don’t have to escape from. I know myself a bit better. And I have made a couple friends that fingers crossed i’ll stay in touch with!
in more practical terms:
- keep your bag with you all the fucking time, I got my card stolen
- it is OK and IMPORTANT to be able to say no thanks i don’t want to go / stay out any more.
- depends on the person but for me, making a point to talk to my closest people every couple of days made a big difference
people are really really similar!!! from all different countries, across different ages and languages. there is so much love to be found in everything if you make a point to look. go take the trip yall, the years won’t come back
oh also!! everyone says wherever you go there you are, which is true, but how much of who you think you are is just you falling into a pattern? that’s then reinforced by your environment and the people around you? there might be more of you than you knew.
alr dreaming about the next time, europe here I come, once I’ve finished my degree and I’m less broke lol
(my old post because it’s hidden on my profile lol: https://www.reddit.com/r/solotravel/s/OMXZoXhnH3)
I have struggled with mental health for most of my life. In the last couple of years it’s gotten better but i still have bad days. But I decided it’s not worth waiting until some unknown day in the future when i will be perfectly “healed”. I’ve been traveling for a couple weeks now and have a couple weeks left. I’ve met a few people I loved spending time with, pushed myself out of my comfort zone, learned to use a tampon (😭), swam in the most beautiful warm ocean, had amazing food, hiked gorgeous trails, and felt so welcomed by many local people. I’ve also spent way too many hours scrolling on my phone, many evenings curled up in bed, felt insecure about my body, avoided socializing, and called my best friend more than a couple times. it’s better to do things half assed than not at all. the only person you can be is yourself :/ :) love to all of you.
I don't know if I'll ever be back but a bit of my heart is always there
This is her laying on my hand while I fill out applications lol. I think she loves me and I definitely love her. But I’m at uni most of the time and she’s probably attached to my parents. My mom says she doesn’t purr as much when I’m not home and she sleeps under the covers with me but not my mom. But my mom also keeps the door closed so idk, maybe she would if she’d let her.
I raised her when she was a kitten for like 6 months before I started uni. We also have her brother, if I take her I’ll have to take him too because it’s not fair to separate them. He’s not as cuddly with me but not with my parents either, he mostly plays with his sister. I will probably have a tiny apartment but with my parents they get the whole house. But she is a remarkably lazy fat lump of a cat I don’t know if she would care. While I’m home she mostly just sits on the couch next to me and rubs her chin on my laptop, I’ve tried using cat wands to play with her but she sits down and meows at them lol
it’s partly bleached and growing out. I know it’s frizzy somewhat because it’s fried, but it was kinda wavy before the bleaching also. If i brush it after it dries it looks the way it looks in the picture. what do you think, tysm
routine- I don’t really do anything, wash with shampoo and conditioner maybe once a week. sometimes if i scrunch it out in the shower it dries wavier and less frizzy. i brush it in the shower with conditioner in because it gets really tangled after a couple days