u/kamryn_zip

I (m26) have been in an established polyam relationship with my girlfriend (f31) for some time, and now I'm getting progressively more serious with a boyfriend (m27) who I initially began as fwb about a year and a half ago. He's always known I was polyam and in the last few months after meeting my gf they have become close friends, but there's definitely some conversations and reassurances that happen regarding jealousy and uncertainty on his part. It makes me a bit anxious so I want to know where similar dynamics fail, dynamics with one person comfortable with polyam and another who has only dated monogamously, versus what can be done to help build them stably.

I've always felt safer around women even as a man. I survived sex trafficking and my worst abuser was my mother. I was abused by one really terrible woman and by countless men. I used to think women understood consent better because of the harm they more often experience. I thought I understood consent because of the harm I experienced. But the more I've experienced the more I think that's not true, or at least it's not as skewed of a ratio as I thought it was... I think in reality women are just disempowered from the positions that allow them to commit consent violations. Men are more typically pursuers in patriarchal society, and more likely to top. If you aren't the one starting or escalating the sex acts, and if you aren't the one doing the sex act to the other, it probably won't matter if you don't understand consent. You won't hurt anybody bc you're not in a position of power. I've experienced consent violations from women, from other people with trauma, I've seen women get handsy with people or strippers without asking. I think people who get consent are the empathetic people who care enough to think about others and learn communication skills, and there's a significant portion of both genders who don't...