u/kangaroo-tears

The title is pretty much it. I feel so crazy, it's been almost 2 years and I just can't shake my last relationship. For context, I've been married before and had no problem moving on. This guy? He's just living in my head rent free, and its making me feel like I'm obsessed or something. I see those posts saying if you are thinking of them, they are thinking of you, and I know that can't be true, or he would have reached out to me. I asked my therapist to help me with getting past him, and she said it's because I feel like it's not over. It's over. My brain knows he won't talk to me again. How do you let go of that hope in your heart though? I just want to not think of him anymore. Honestly, I miss the 15 or so years of friendship before the relationship more than anything.

I think of you on the 2 days a year that are supposed to be mine. My birthday, and mother's day. You are the only one that ever tried to make me feel like a day was about me. As I sit here, drinking my cold coffee I made, without the day being acknowledged by my kids, I wish that I had listened to your mom and you. I wish that I hadn't ruined everything. I wish I still had a friend like you. I know that today you are probably working, and will still find the time to do something special for your mom. You really are a wholesome snack. I know you hate me now, so I'll send this to the void so I can leave you alone. Just had to say it somewhere. I miss you.

I felt so many things at once. Longing to be even closer mixed with peace and an animalistic need followed with fulfillment. When it was just you and me, no matter where we were, it was my version of heaven. Sometimes, when Im really lucky, I have this dream that we meet up and neither of us says a word. We just feel each other, in my dream we don't need words. What I wouldn't give for that dream to be true, if only for a night.