u/kindafucked__

I’m 19F and have been friends with a 22M for the last three years. He has had OCD since a very young age and he gets uncontrollable negative thoughts and visible compulsions too.

Last October, he confessed that he wanted to date me. But the moment I hugged him, he started acting weird, and after we kissed, he pushed me away saying we weren’t compatible. Classic me being in love, I chose to settle for a no-label, sort of casual thing with him because he said he couldn’t commit. Having him in some capacity felt better than not having him in my life at all. But I eventually realized I’m not someone who can do casual, so I ended things in December.

In January and February, we talked again, and he kept saying he couldn’t date because his health didn’t allow it and that when he tried, he tended to fall sick. In the beginning of March, we tried to date again, it lasted only 8 hours before he ended things. I could actually see his visible compulsions increasing during that time, so I can’t say he was lying. After that, we went no contact.

I also ended the friendship, even though he wanted to keep it. My reason was simple: I couldn’t be friends with someone I was in love with, knowing that sooner or later he’d fall for someone else. I’ve already been in that position once, after a 2-year relationship ended and that guy chose to date someone I felt insecure about. It left me in a really anxious state, and ever since then I’ve struggled with extreme anxiety. Knowing what that does to me, and knowing my mental health couldn’t afford to go through that again, I made the choice to end the friendship entirely.

Then, after just a few days, he showed up again. He said he really wants to be with me and really wants to try, but that his disorder doesn’t allow him to. He opened up about how he has felt trapped by his OCD his whole life , how the negative thoughts and rumination make everything so much harder but that he genuinely wants to try this with me. And so, being who I am, I gave him another chance. I felt like I owed it to both of us to try and understand that he’s struggling, but that he at least wants to make an effort.

But now that we’re “trying,” we’ve only met once in the past month despite the fact that we live in the same society. This has honestly always been a pattern: he doesn’t talk regularly, won’t text every day, and isn’t very expressive. We talk maybe once or twice a week.

He also portrays himself or maybe genuinely is, I can’t tell as hypersexual, which has actually been visible for a long time, even before any of this started. That’s started to make me wonder: what if he’s only here for the sexual benefits? But then again, would a guy really sit and listen to me talk about my anxiety and rumination just for that, that too constantly knowing that I care too much? I genuinely don’t know what he wants at this point.

I don’t know if I should keep giving him chances. I don’t know if I should keep waiting for him to work on his mental health. I can see certain sides of him clearly, but other parts feel completely out of reach. We barely talk. He’s been very distant. But every single time I do express my anxiety, he responds really well and communicates thoughtfully.

I’m writing this because I really want to hear from people who have OCD themselves. Does any of this sound familiar or make sense from your perspective? I want to understand what he might be going through, but I also need to figure out what’s right for me.

I’m 19F and have been friends with a 22M for the last three years. He has had OCD since a very young age and he gets uncontrollable negative thoughts and visible compulsions too.

Last October, he confessed that he wanted to date me. But the moment I hugged him, he started acting weird, and after we kissed, he pushed me away saying we weren’t compatible. Classic me being in love, I chose to settle for a no-label, sort of casual thing with him because he said he couldn’t commit. Having him in some capacity felt better than not having him in my life at all. But I eventually realized I’m not someone who can do casual, so I ended things in December.

In January and February, we talked again, and he kept saying he couldn’t date because his health didn’t allow it and that when he tried, he tended to fall sick. In the beginning of March, we tried to date again, it lasted only 8 hours before he ended things. I could actually see his visible compulsions increasing during that time, so I can’t say he was lying. After that, we went no contact.

I also ended the friendship, even though he wanted to keep it. My reason was simple: I couldn’t be friends with someone I was in love with, knowing that sooner or later he’d fall for someone else. I’ve already been in that position once, after a 2-year relationship ended and that guy chose to date someone I felt insecure about. It left me in a really anxious state, and ever since then I’ve struggled with extreme anxiety. Knowing what that does to me, and knowing my mental health couldn’t afford to go through that again, I made the choice to end the friendship entirely.

Then, after just a few days, he showed up again. He said he really wants to be with me and really wants to try, but that his disorder doesn’t allow him to. He opened up about how he has felt trapped by his OCD his whole life , how the negative thoughts and rumination make everything so much harder but that he genuinely wants to try this with me. And so, being who I am, I gave him another chance. I felt like I owed it to both of us to try and understand that he’s struggling, but that he at least wants to make an effort.

But now that we’re “trying,” we’ve only met once in the past month despite the fact that we live in the same society. This has honestly always been a pattern: he doesn’t talk regularly, won’t text every day, and isn’t very expressive. We talk maybe once or twice a week.

He also portrays himself or maybe genuinely is, I can’t tell as hypersexual, which has actually been visible for a long time, even before any of this started. That’s started to make me wonder: what if he’s only here for the sexual benefits? But then again, would a guy really sit and listen to me talk about my anxiety and rumination just for that, that too constantly knowing that I care too much? I genuinely don’t know what he wants at this point.

I don’t know if I should keep giving him chances. I don’t know if I should keep waiting for him to work on his mental health. I can see certain sides of him clearly, but other parts feel completely out of reach. We barely talk. He’s been very distant. But every single time I do express my anxiety, he responds really well and communicates thoughtfully.

I’m writing this because I really want to hear from people who have OCD themselves. Does any of this sound familiar or make sense from your perspective? I want to understand what he might be going through, but I also need to figure out what’s right for me.

I’m 19F and have been friends with a 22M for the last three years. He has had OCD since a very young age and he gets uncontrollable negative thoughts and visible compulsions too.

Last October, he confessed that he wanted to date me. But the moment I hugged him, he started acting weird, and after we kissed, he pushed me away saying we weren’t compatible. Classic me being in love, I chose to settle for a no-label, sort of casual thing with him because he said he couldn’t commit. Having him in some capacity felt better than not having him in my life at all. But I eventually realized I’m not someone who can do casual, so I ended things in December.

In January and February, we talked again, and he kept saying he couldn’t date because his health didn’t allow it and that when he tried, he tended to fall sick. In the beginning of March, we tried to date again, it lasted only 8 hours before he ended things. I could actually see his visible compulsions increasing during that time, so I can’t say he was lying. After that, we went no contact.

I also ended the friendship, even though he wanted to keep it. My reason was simple: I couldn’t be friends with someone I was in love with, knowing that sooner or later he’d fall for someone else. I’ve already been in that position once, after a 2-year relationship ended and that guy chose to date someone I felt insecure about. It left me in a really anxious state, and ever since then I’ve struggled with extreme anxiety. Knowing what that does to me, and knowing my mental health couldn’t afford to go through that again, I made the choice to end the friendship entirely.

Then, after just a few days, he showed up again. He said he really wants to be with me and really wants to try, but that his disorder doesn’t allow him to. He opened up about how he has felt trapped by his OCD his whole life , how the negative thoughts and rumination make everything so much harder but that he genuinely wants to try this with me. And so, being who I am, I gave him another chance. I felt like I owed it to both of us to try and understand that he’s struggling, but that he at least wants to make an effort.

But now that we’re “trying,” we’ve only met once in the past month despite the fact that we live in the same society. This has honestly always been a pattern: he doesn’t talk regularly, won’t text every day, and isn’t very expressive. We talk maybe once or twice a week.

He also portrays himself or maybe genuinely is, I can’t tell as hypersexual, which has actually been visible for a long time, even before any of this started. That’s started to make me wonder: what if he’s only here for the sexual benefits? But then again, would a guy really sit and listen to me talk about my anxiety and rumination just for that, that too constantly knowing that I care too much? I genuinely don’t know what he wants at this point.

I don’t know if I should keep giving him chances. I don’t know if I should keep waiting for him to work on his mental health. I can see certain sides of him clearly, but other parts feel completely out of reach. We barely talk. He’s been very distant. But every single time I do express my anxiety, he responds really well and communicates thoughtfully.

I’m writing this because I really want to hear from people who have OCD themselves. Does any of this sound familiar or make sense from your perspective? I want to understand what he might be going through, but I also need to figure out what’s right for me.