u/kinecardine

Hi all, I’m 23m but I’ve been questioning if I might be another gender for a few years.

I’ve identified as gender nonconforming since I was like 14. I present pretty feminine and a lot of people often mistake me for a woman at first, since I’m also just naturally androgynous looking. I like that my gender is not easy to figure out, but I don’t exactly feel like I’m nonbinary.

I’m okay with being referred to as a man and I’m most comfortable with he/him pronouns, but I don’t exactly feel like I’m actually a man either. Funnily enough the phrase that I feel like best describes me is I’m not exactly a man but I’m not exactly NOT a man. Some of my friends have previously described my gender as “none of your business”.

With that said, although I still identify as a man right now, I don’t present like one at all and I don’t really feel like a man either. Using he/him pronouns and saying I’m a man just feels easier than figuring out what’s going on with my gender. Maybe my gender is male adjacent.

I tried looking for identities that might fit me, and I thought that proxvir might be a possible fit, but I saw that it has a focus on being masculine adjacent, and I’m not masculine. I have some masculine characteristics and whatnot, but I’m primarily more feminine in general. The main thing that’s masculine about me is that I use he/him pronouns and call myself a man. That’s it. Can my gender still be queer if I still use my agab pronouns and title?

I was hoping someone here might be able to help me figure things out. Am I somewhere under the nonbinary umbrella? Am I actually just cis and confused? Please help guys.

I don’t think I would want to be allo even if I had the option, but being aroace is so lonely. I’m never anyone’s first option because everyone else will eventually get into relationships if they haven’t already, and their partner will become more important than me. If not their partner, their child.

It sucks so much as someone who values platonic relationships so deeply that I will always be second to anyone I know. Even my best friend, who is also aroace, is in a relationship. I know their partner is more important to them than I am.

This isn’t to say that I think this is bad. I’m happy for them and it’s good that they have such a healthy relationship. Your partner being your closest friend is how it should be. But it’s still lonely. Even my friends who aren’t in relationships or are also aroace have closer friends. I think all I’ve wanted in life is to be someone’s best friend and not be replaced by an eventual partner or other closer friend.

I wish people valued friendship more. It’s so lonely to know you’ll never be someone’s first choice when you see that other people will always have someone by their side, and you won’t ever have that. You just have to settle for being second place forever.