What is it “working” supposed to feel like?
Disclaimer: I know it works differently for everyone. I’m just so confused on whether I need a dose change, medication change, or if this is just as good as it’ll get for me.
I’ll try to keep it short because I don’t want to write a novel. I’m taking escitalopram 20mg for depression and anxiety. I am also chronically ill and deal with chronic pain/migraines.
I started on 10mg escitalopram in late feb, minimal side effects for first week. Was actually really surprised because I was very scared and anxious about the side effects, especially since I already live with chronic pain..
Anyways, finally felt relief. My biggest sign it was working was that I went from crying every single day, usually multiple times, to being able to go a couple days, sometimes longer, without crying. It was mind blowing, I didn’t know that was even possible for me. Two months later I felt like it was working less, starter crying more and being sad more often so dose went up to 20mg.
I think it helped level things out again. I’m now 4 months in on this dose (so i guess 6 months altogether), and overall I don’t know how much better I actually feel? I definitely think it’s helped me, but compared to stories I’ve heard about people feeling like completely different people, I just can’t relate.
Especially anxiety wise. It hasn’t made a dent on my social anxiety. It’s calmed anxiety overall kinda down? Like I feel I can be more “meh” about things compared to before which is good. But the past few weeks some stressful life events happened and my chest is where I usually feel anxiety, so I’ve had to use self regulation techniques more often (like placing something cold on my chest to activate parasympathetic system).
One part of me thinks it’s because a lot of my depression/anxiety is tied to my life circumstances. Difficult childhood, financial troubles, stuck living with parents since I can’t afford to get myself out yet. I’m trying my best but being chronically ill seriously makes things so much harder.
I just don’t know what to do at this point. A dose increase scares me because the only side effect I have, somehow started a whole month or two after increasing my dose to 20mg. Night sweating. Just on my chest and neck. I’ve never dealt with that before. Some days it doesn’t happen , other days it’s there. I’m not soaking through the bed or anything but it’s damp-ish enough I need to wipe it off with a napkin, and it makes me feel icky and gross. So I worry a dose increase will just make it worse and idk if that’s a side effect I’ll be able to keep living with. The thought of switching to another medication altogether is also scary because the tapering process just sounds scary LOL Ever since I developed chronic pain I’ve been so much more dreadful when it comes to more bodily pain/discomfort. There’s only so much a person can deal with yknow?
I know medication isn’t a cure. Can’t afford therapy right now and am doing the best I can, but a lot of my energy right now goes to trying not to trigger my chronic pain and also doing what I can to get in a better place financially.
It’s just discouraging hearing stories of how much better people are doing and wishing that could happen for me. I don’t know if I’m the problem. It’s definitely helped in the sense that before I was always trying to claw my way up to baseline, just falling and clawing back up in a cycle. Now it feels like I’m at baseline more often, but some days the sadness feels quite heavy. Anxiety wise I’m also not sure it’s helping as much as it “should” be?
I just don’t know! Maybe escitalopram doesn’t work as well if a lot of the depression/anxiety is based on life circumstances that are still there? I’m not sure. I will be speaking to my doctor but I just thought I’d ask here for advice since you all understand.
I’d really really appreciate any advice. Thank you for reading all of this (it got long even though I tried not to sigh)