u/kokomo318

TLDR; My dad and my MIL want to go by the same grandparent name. It's a unique one and my dad has wanted it forever, before me having kids was even a thought in anyone's mind. MIL doesn't seem to want to give it up and my husband is defending her, saying they can both just have the same nickname. He says the only compromises are that or I pick a name and assign it to her which I know she would be against. AIO?

Disclaimer: I know grandparents usually end up just going by what the kid wants to call them anyway. But let's put that aside for the sake of this dilemma.

It's kind of a silly name but my dad has wanted to go by "Coach" as a grandpa and he's talked about it since I was like 13 (I'm currently 30). He's coached/refereed sports his whole adult life and his brother gave him this nickname in the past. I guess that's where it stems from, not totally sure, but he's always talked about wanting it.

My mother in law all of a sudden also wants to be called Coach. She's never coached anything besides my SIL's (26) little league, and it's completely random for her. I have no idea where she got the idea besides maybe overhearing the fact my dad wants it.

My husband says kids have grandparents of the same name all the time. His example was a kid having two "Grandpas" or two "Grandmas" - I feel like this is obviously very different considering those are very traditional names.

My dad doesn't have a lot. He and my mom divorced when I was really little and she died back in 2011. He's single and doing grandparenthood by himself (he and my in laws are not close). He's got a complicated relationship with my sister who's currently battling addiction. Things have been very difficult and lonely for him. I don't think it's an absurd request to let him have the name he's wanted since before me having a baby was even a thought in anyone's mind to himself.

My husband is being very difficult and telling me that if I don't want her to go by Coach I have to pick something out and assign it to her, which I know she is against. I find this super dismissive and just him not wanting to set a boundary with his mom. It's one name out of thousands that's off limits, am I really the bad guy?

ETA: yall I wish this was fake. I wish this was written by a bot. I'm 8 months pregnant do you think I want to be dealing with this shit 😩😂

My in laws and my dad joined forces to throw a second shower for my husband and me. This one much more casual and aimed more so towards my husband’s friends and casual friends vs. close friends & family. Just cookout style at my in laws house. No games or themes.

Well my cousin who printed invitations and ordered the food for my first shower is furious. She called my other cousin (the one actually hosting) to talk shit and even texted my dad saying how hard she’s worked on “her” shower and how upset this other one is making her. All involved said she’d sounded like she was drinking so everyone’s just ignoring her.

But why do people have to be so dramatic over things like this. It’s not her house! It’s not her baby! This is just added stress on a first time mom 🤦‍♀️

I’ve had a lot of women tell me that they waited as long as they could before opting for an epidural, even those who never planned for a natural birth. My good friend just had her daughter and said if she has another baby she’s going to do it differently and not wait, she’s just going to get it as soon as she can.

Are there benefits to waiting until you can’t bear it anymore? Is it bad to just get it from the jump?

And truthfully, why are people so against an epidural in the first place? I feel like I can never get a straightforward answer on that.

Grandparents I get. But even then it's gotta be SO unique and different now. And my baby's 3 aunts all want cutesy nicknames too. My sister was like "I call Titi" (mind you, this is traditionally a thing in Spanish and we're white and monolingual asf so I feel like this would be kind of odd?)

I'm not going to stop them but what happened to just calling your aunts and uncles by their names? I grew up calling everyone Uncle [Name] and Aunt [Name]

Anyway I'm probably just being negative and cranky. But that's what 29 weeks has gifted me with lol

TLDR; I don't want to tell anyone when I'm going into labor because I just want to focus on me and my delivery and not have to worry about people chomping at the bit to come meet the baby. My husband kind of made a stink about it. But it's my birth so I feel like I should get to make this call without having to explain anything, right? Tell me if I'm overreacting (gently please, I am dealing with pregnancy hormones lol)

Months ago I said that I don't want to announce when I go into labor. I just want to have the most privacy I can possibly have. My husband said we should tell our families of this decision ahead of time "because that could lead to hurt feelings". I said warning people sort of defeats the purpose and idrc about everyone else's feelings when it comes to this, but we tabled it because this was back when I was early in my 2nd trimester.

We talked about it again a few weeks ago (at ~26 weeks) and he made a point that our siblings/my dad have our locations on Find My so they could know we're at the hospital even if we don't announce it. We decided to take it into couples therapy to discuss with our therapist. She's a mom of 2, so I always value her input. -- My husband and our therapist agreed it was probably best to tell everyone when I'm going into labor to avoid people texting/calling us if they happen to see our locations. I sort of nodded along and agreed because I trust our therapist a lot but it still didn't feel right in my gut. I regret leading my husband to believe I was 100% on board with this plan. I should've spoken up.

So I texted my husband today and he asked me why I changed my mind. ("Why? Can we talk about this tonight?") I said "it's my birth and this is what I'm most comfortable with and that's all that should matter." And honestly I thought that's all I would've had to say... but the conversation went on. His response was:

"I just think that everyone cares a lot about you and I'd like for us to control the situation and information completely rather than letting everyone refresh location services for weeks and then make assumptions. Like [our therapist] said -- if we don't do that, people are going to be texting all the time asking what's going on."

I feel like I'm being pressured into accommodating everyone else instead of focusing on myself during such a vulnerable time. Which I told him and he said he wasn't prioritizing anyone else he was "just trying to understand how I feel" but I feel like I should be allowed to change my mind 100 times without any kind of pushback or questions. In my mind it should be like "Yes ma'am, you're the one pushing the kid out, you get to make that call"

I felt like a reasonable compromise was telling people now (28w4d) that we won't be announcing when I go into labor and if they happen to see our locations at the hospital to please not reach out or come to the hospital. -- I feel like even this is pretty generous. My husband (reluctantly) got on board.

I cried for like an hour because I'm just sad that I'm not being enthusiastically supported in my decision. I expected more from my husband.

AIO?

My two biggest triggers are lack of sleep and stress. So whenever I'm on the topic of pregnancy and epilepsy, everyone goes, "haha! So the two biggest things you deal with as a new mom!" like YES I KNOW AND I'M VERY NERVOUS ABOUT THAT WHY DO YOU FIND THIS FUNNY? I could have a seizure and drop my baby. Or worse.

It's so insensitive. I feel like people don't understand the seriousness of epilepsy. I doubt they'd say something like that if I were talking about a history of heart attacks and my fears about having one during postpartum (I don't have that but you get my point)

UPDATE: Thank you everyone! I am learning this is a big regional thing and indeed sort of in the area where we live. However I still feel uneasy about it. So I think my plan of action is to whisper a similar but different name into my baby’s ear at home until it sticks (shout out to whoever suggested Mo-Mo). She can argue with me all day but she won’t argue with her grandbaby.

She’s not dead set on this but it seems to be the name she’s leaning towards. She and I don’t have a good relationship and I’m worried Mom-Mom would just be pronounced like Mama by a baby.

Obviously my baby will know who their mom is versus their grandma. But I don’t like the feeling of sharing such a close sounding name with a woman I am not at all close with and who’s caused me a lot of distress over the years.

My husband will shut it down if I ask him to. I’m just not sure if I’m being too picky or not. Would it be unreasonable to ask her to pick something else?

I work at a school and whenever a colleague has a baby, the head of school sends out a faculty/staff-wide congratulatory email with baby's name, measurements, DOB, and a picture of the baby.

My husband and I are dead set against posting pictures of our child on social media, so I don't know how I feel about a campus-wide email containing a picture of my baby, although I do appreciate the community's warm welcome. Would it be obnoxious to decline including a picture? Or should I just send a picture of my husband and me holding the baby with its face positioned towards us and out of the shot?

Would you be uncomfortable with this information being given out to coworkers like this?

I'm not due until November. This is just my anxious brain overthinking every detail of welcoming LO home lol

When I got married a lot of the registry gifts came in month-of and many more week-of and I've heard the same from other married friends.

Is this the same deal with baby registries as you approach the shower? I have plenty of time between now and then but I just get more and more anxious about how little we have prepared and my doctor said there's a chance we might induce between 34-37 weeks which would cut things a lot closer to the shower (currently 23w2d)

Sorry in advance for the rant.

Am I the only person who finds it extremely odd that so many people make celebratory posts on Linkedin about their career and company in the context of parental leave? I'm sure this is much more common in the US than it is elsewhere. But it almost feels like the companies are pressuring their employees to make a post about how great they are during the employee's leave.

I just saw a new mom say how wonderful her company is because she's got the flexibility to be home with her newborn while still being able to "stay connected to the work" through online team calls. Am I crazy in thinking this is not a flex whatsoever and kind of... sad? Like do we have to tie everything back to work? Our children?

I know a lot of people don't have the realistic ability to 100% step away from work (I probably fall into that category). But why are we praising that online? Shouldn't we be more critical of companies that make you feel pressured to "stay connected"?

Again, sorry for the rant.

Signed,

a US mom-to-be limited to 12 weeks of unpaid leave.

I saw on tiktok some people went ALL out on the prize for their diaper/wipe raffle at their showers and it brought them huge supplies of diapers.

One person said they made the prize a tv. I don't know if I can go that big (plus everyone I know already has a tv), but what's a good prize that would really encourage people to bring diapers that would cost roughly $50 or less?

I had a family member ask for my registry so she could send me stuff. I was so grateful and excited (and a little surprised, we don’t talk much) and then she texted me and said she sent me stuff through Amazon (which isn’t the registry site) - none of them were things listed on the registry.

I understand it’s still a nice gesture but why wouldn’t you buy things the parents have specifically requested?? Especially when you asked for the link to the registry.

Edit to add: I agree about older generations but this woman is a millennial with 2 kids

When I was first put on meds I was put on 1000mg of keppra/day. After I told my doctor the rage and other side effects were seriously affecting my mental health (and relationships with loved ones as a result) we went down to 500mg/day plus 400mg/day of Lamictal. The side effects were cured and I felt like I got my life back.

Now I’m pregnant and because of that we’ve been increasing both meds. I’ve been increasing my Lamictal for a few months and this week is the first week we upped my keppra. I feel the irritability coming back, I’m terrified of the memory loss that I feel is bound to happen and how it’s going to affect me at my dream job. I don’t want the rest of my pregnancy to be filled with fits of rage but I’m also 7 years seizure free so I’m willing to fight through it for the safety of me and my baby. (My pregnancy hasn’t caused any mood swings for me so far)

Luckily once I have the baby, I can start coming down again right away. But I have 19 more weeks of pregnancy.

I’m grateful my family and I at least have the knowledge to know how the medication affects me and whatever comes about is temporary. I was completely blind sided the first time.

Would it be rude to not get the couple a gift IF:

• My husband is a groomsman and spent $700 on the very specific-colored suit (edit to add: the price was originally quoted at $500 and unexpectedly changed to $700 somewhat last minute)
• Hy husband pitched in $250+ for the bachelor party
• I sent the bride a $70 gift from the registry for her bridal shower (that was back ordered for months and just shipped last week, wedding is in a few weeks)
• We're traveling for the wedding and booking a hotel for the night of the rehearsal dinner & the night of the wedding

When I got married I didn't expect anyone in our wedding party to get us a gift because of their dress/suit/lodging/bach party expenses. But maybe that was just me, and I don't want to be "that guest" who shows up empty handed, but we're on a VERY tight budget and I feel like we've put forth a good amount of money towards this couple already :\

If it's rude, I'll move some money around and get them another gift. But I just wanted to ask the audience.

I'm 20 weeks pregnant with my first and my mother in law has been a pain in my ass since we announced the pregnancy to her at 8 weeks.

Every time I'm drinking really anything besides water she asks if it has caffeine in it. She asked me if I was avoiding raw meat and raw fish like I was born yesterday. At 8 weeks she reached out and felt my stomach and asked if I was showing (I was very obviously not).

I told her very early on that we would not be joining the family for the holidays because I'm due the week before Thanksgiving. She got upset and basically demanded visiting us in the hospital.

When we told her she won't be allowed to kiss the baby, she just said "well I have my RSV vaccine"

Recently she thanked me for "bearing her son's child". The phrasing alone is weird af but it doesn't help that she completely left me out of the equation and made it all about my husband, as if I'm a surrogate mother.

I bring all of these things up to my husband, friends, and family and everyone just keeps saying "yeah that's really annoying but it's her first grandchild. She's just excited."

AIO when I say I don't really give a shit if someone's excited if it's coming at the expense of my comfort and mental stability?

20 weeks today. For the past week or so I've had constant feelings of homesickness like you would get as a kid at sleepovers or summer camps, but even when I'm home. It happens everywhere: home, work, at dinner with my family or with friends. I know this is just a form of anxiety but nothing I do seems to shake it and I can't identify any specific triggers.

I just got comfortable in my body physically, but now I have this awful pit in my stomach where I want to just crawl away and hide.

Anyone else? :\

I’m currently walking a dog who really hates to walk, he’s very stubborn and will just plant himself on the sidewalk and refuse to move but his owner requests 30-45 min walks. When I try to give him a tug on the leash, his harness comes up over his ears and I’m afraid he’s going to slip out of it. He’s very dog reactive and goes absolutely apeshit when he sees another dog, jumping around and seemingly about to slip out of the harness.

I’ve tightened the harness before just for the owner to loosen it again (I have no idea why) so I’m tempted to just bring my own slip lead for the dog’s safety.

The dog is obviously not used to being corrected on walks as the owner’s solution to his stubbornness is to pick him up and carry him a few blocks until he walks again. But I’m pregnant and this just isn’t a viable option for me anymore. I think a quick appropriate “pop” (tug) on a slip lead could do him wonders. But I don’t know if this would be out of line or not.

Thoughts?

I ask this mostly because I assume this feature is used by corporate to track production times? I’m literally a 2 minute drive from my local five guys. So when I use this feature, between leaving my house and clicking “I’m here”, I’m afraid it’s giving the restaurant a 2 minute window to prep the food (although I wait the est wait time and then leave my house so the food is always ready anyway but)

I’m tempted not to use it because I don’t want to screw up the team’s average, or somehow screw something else up for them. But if it’s helpful for the team I’d like to keep using it.

I’ve never worked in fast food but I’ve worked in restaurants and retail, and I know how hard the public can be to work with. I just want to do what’s most helpful for the employees and not what’s most convenient for corporate.

edit to add: I'm due in November

So I told my husband that when I go into labor, we won't tell anyone and we'll only text our immediate families once the baby is born. This is primarily a concern about his parents overstepping and showing up to the hospital or bombarding us with texts/calls, although I'm just trying to be fair by applying it to both families. (I have a rocky relationship with his parents)

He looked a little worried and said this probably won't be well received and could hurt feelings. He said we should probably have a conversation with them ahead of time about this (which defeats the purpose in my mind) -- I went to my sister (who has no kids) about it and she said it couldn't hurt to give them a heads up that this is our plan. I asked my cousin (has 2 under 3) and she said I could always just drive home the strong request for boundaries about not showing up and not trying to get a hold of us until we let everyone know it's good to come visit.

I just want to be as stress free as possible and I know if I have our families on the edge of their seat waiting for the 'ok' to contact us, I'll feel pressured and overwhelmed to speed up my rest time & mental prep time. Or knowing his parents, they'll get too excited and trample over our boundaries and it'll be such a bitter start to motherhood.

I don't want to tell anyone until the baby is born. But am I being too sensitive about this? I feel like this is a reasonable decision for the one actually giving birth to make.