u/lasuperhumana

I have a 16 month old, following a TFMR of my first pregnancy. I’m pregnant again (planned) and I am feeling very pragmatic about everything. I know the odds, and I know sometimes even a 0.8% chance happens. If it happens again, I’ll be devastated, but I don’t think I’d be as broken like the first time.

However, I’m yet again finding that I cannot stand the bump group. I popped in there for one second and noped out of there after reading one post. The post was about Big Anxiety over miscarriage.

I get it, I do. But I find myself having zero reassuring words and this impulse to be like, “yeah, I mean anything can happen.”

The people in the replies are like “it’s so unlikely!” Um. Yeah, so was my TFMR. But it happened.

Someone dropped a link to this “reassurance” calculator where you put in your total # of weeks and it tells you the odds. It said my pregnancy is 80% likely to result in a baby. Everyone is like “this is great and so reassuring!” WOW do I not find it reassuring. 20% chance is so much higher than my 0.8% risk of a TFMR. But yeah, I’m not gonna say that.

I didn’t think I’d feel as annoyed with this handwringing anxiety as I did last time around. Yeah, it might happen. Yeah, you might lose the pregnancy. Stop being so so so anxious about it. You cannot control it.

I ridiculously end up thinking it’s childish for people to be SO anxious about this stuff they cannot control. And it’s further an eye roll to read the comments reassuring. No one commenting says they’ve gone through a loss. It’s naive to say it probably won’t happen. IT COULD. IT MIGHT.

Aaaaaaand then I feel like a fucking asshole. I really wish I had more empathy. But I don’t. The TFMR stole my empathy for run of the mill, standard issue anxieties from people who haven’t experienced loss. Just one more thing it took from me.

Firstly, I am a woman. I just got called a pick me because I was pointing out how ridiculous it is to generalize and say “all men are blind and lazy.” I get downvoted anytime I point out that if the genders were reversed, the sky would be on fire. And frankly, rightfully so! It’s ridiculous to claim something about all women. It’s sexist. Imagine saying something like “women are nags.” Unacceptable. Why do we accept it when it’s pointed at men?

I’ll counter misandry by saying “how hard is it to add the word ‘some’?” Downvoted.

What the actual hell. It’s so rude and insane. Why are people ok with this?? There is ZERO excuse to generalize and say cruel things about men as a whole gender, just as there’s zero excuse to do the same with women.

Is it so impossible for these people to fathom there are good men out there? Are people truly that discriminatory, biased, and sexist? If yes, we’re fucked. I’m ashamed that women, who have faced sexism forEVER, don’t see the problem with delivering the same back to men, instead choosing to be so closed minded and vengeful.

Mine is when Stella starts eating her (peanut laced) pesto before Ted sits down at the table. He made it for her! My god woman, have some manners and wait for him to sit before you start eating!

This is torture. I was told my SIL has less than a week, after we’d been told “less than a month” just a couple days prior.

My husband can’t see her every day due to limits on the number of people who can be in the room at one time. He is truly on the edge of emotional stability. It feels so incredibly unfair that and if you have an immediate family larger than 3 people, too bad, get in line, you can’t see them on one of the precious days they have left.

I’m so sad and heartbroken. She’s only 37. I’m going to miss her so much. I still can’t believe this is happening.

We just learned that after a 2 year battle, my 36 year old BIL’s leukemia is officially terminal. Minutes after getting that news, I learned my uncle passed away from his lung cancer today.

I have no real words. I just want to take care of my husband and my mom, without completely crumbling myself.