Divacup? DivaEMPOWERMENT
So many different fold types. Running a finger around it. Feeling it slap open against my cervix. Lavender candle. Surgical precision. I was ready to be an empowered, eco-conscious woman. Shit, I've been using this same cup for 7 years.
And then immediately after insertion: Fullness. Cramping. General unease. Not the good, sexy unease either, like I (would) get when (if) Alexander Skarsgard looked at me from across the room like I'm a snack.
I sat very still and thought about my life.
9 days earlier I had Mirena installed. A little uterine upgrade. Keep the babies out, maybe help with some acne. Fuck whenever I want raw dog. You know. Girl power shit the Spice Girls taught me about.
I spent the entire day walking slow, deliberate circles around the apartment like a ship taking on water, wondeing if I shouldn't have used my cup this period. Was it too soon? The internet said yes and also no. I was so confused bc the internet is like my super smart boyfriend. I texted my best friend. She replied "is it Derek" (my personal trainer turned fuckboi ) before I'd even finished explaining.
"Physically," I said. "But also yes. Derek is the reason. Him and his chiseled body l,making me feel like having sex all the time. I am pretty sure my divacup is sucking my IUD out of my cervix."
I later discovered that the Mirena was fine, I just had not inserted the cup quite right. RIP to those undies.
I hopped back in the shower, popped that cup out and back in like a boss. Punch down fold for the win. This time, I felt immediately, blissfully normal.
Egg roll in a bowl made with ground chicken bc the GLP1 makes pork into instant diarrhea for me.