Am I Depressed? Or Did I Just become a Recluse?

I have no desire to go anywhere or do anything social at all, ever. I don't think I'm "depressed" and that's the reason I feel this way, (I have been in the past), I just would rather just stay at home and do my hobbies and relax. I work a standard full-time job 9 to 5, and I also attend college online full time, which I primarily work on during the evening evenings and weekends. So yes, I do have a busy life. When I have free time though, all I want to do is hang out at home.

I typically force myself to socialize & attend an event when:
it would make me a "bad friend" to not attend (ex. Birthdays, Weddings, achievement celebrations, etc).
Because my partner seems interested and I don't want our relationship to suffer because I'm a homebody. When we got together over 3 years ago, we went out and did something every time we saw each other. He is extremely extroverted and social.

I also have no desire to maintain any of the friendships I had/have. Most of the friends I've had are lifelong friends and through the years we grew apart or got too busy and don't see each other often. For example, I have a childhood friend who's always been a little dramatic and won't reach out for a few weeks if you did something to frustrate her. Under normal circumstances she calls or texts every week. Normally, if she goes silent, I'd text her or call her to see what was up, and we'd laugh and shrug it off. However, the last time this happened I didn't reach out to her and we haven't talked since. That was in February.

Even with other friends, I have no desire to make plans for another dinner, night out, or sit and chat session at a bar. I forget to respond to texts and if they aren't putting in effort to reach out or hang out either, our communication fizzles out.

Is there something wrong with me or have I just become antisocial? Socializing feels like doing the dishes and the sink is never empty.

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u/lavenderlullabi — 1 month ago

White Octagons of Hell (Mallinkrodt)

I had no idea the weary path I would soon walk down in October getting this generic first time. Felt like I was taking sugar pills, irritable, headaches, and the worst 30 days. From that point forward I had my doctor add a note to NOT fill with this generic. That turned into me calling pharmacies every month trying to find anyone who could fill my prescription with literally any other generic. Feel like I get trauma flashbacks anytime I’m handed a new generic for the month.

Side Note: this was 30mg IR

I’ve had positive experiences with:
- Teva
- Elite
-Sandoz
-Northstar (meh, but better than nothing)

YMMV

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u/lavenderlullabi — 1 month ago

No Trace of this Buffalo Puzzle: Abraham Hunter

I bought this Buffalo puzzle at a Target store a few months ago when I started this hobby. Since then, I made a catalog so I can remember what I already own/completed.

When I looked it up, i could not find a single trace of this puzzle anywhere on the internet. I even emailed Buffalo and all they could tell me was the title (which wasn't even on the box). I went to my Target app, no puzzle in my purchase history. Scanned the barcode and nothing there either.

Anyone know anything about this puzzle? Was it a limited release? Quickly pulled or discontinued?

Brand: Buffalo Games
Title: Spring Tulips with Butterflies (Artwork by Abraham Hunter)
Series: Gold Series (Foil Effects) 56600
UPC: 079346566204
Count: 500 Pieces

u/lavenderlullabi — 1 month ago

How to make my balcony cozy?

I’ve lived here for over a year and still haven’t done anything with my balcony. It’s pretty small, but I’d love to turn it into a cozy spot where I can sit and read outside.
The wet concrete corner is almost always damp. I think it’s either from the AC unit or my upstairs neighbor’s plants, so I’d rather not put anything there.
My cats love being out there with me, but one of them somehow escaped from my third-floor balcony at my old apartment and was found hanging out in front of the building. Ever since then, I’ve been paranoid about them climbing through the rails, so I can’t fully relax when they’re outside with me.
I’m thinking about adding turf, deck tiles, or maybe a rug, but I don’t want the space to feel crowded. I just want it to feel comfortable and cozy.
If anyone has suggestions for making it safer for cats without permanently modifying the apartment, or tips for keeping bugs away, I’d love to hear those too.
I’ve also considered adding outdoor curtains for a little privacy and shade. I’ve seen people use tension rods or curtain rods on apartment balconies, and I don’t remember seeing anything in my lease that specifically prohibits it. My only concern is that the ceiling is extremely high because it’s actually the floor of my upstairs neighbor’s balcony. I’m not sure if that’s even practical in my space.

u/lavenderlullabi — 2 months ago

I do a wind down routine. I take magnesium. I avoid screen time.

I've been tested for sleep apnea. I've had my thyroid tested. I was prescribed trazodone and will still have frequent wake ups and it results in me feeling even more drowsy in the morning.

I've been living with excessive daytime drowsiness for over two years and it seems to come and go in severity. I was diagnosed with ADHD in the last year and a half and I think a stimulant is the only thing keeping me somewhat functional during the day. Even then, sometimes I take it and still am falling asleep.

I was showing major signs Saturday and Sunday last week and minor signs Monday and Tuesday. First time I've ever gotten that and I wasn't actually dying of the flu, just tired.

Any advice is deeply appreciated.

EDIT: for more info.
I'm currently prescribed Adderall IR for ADHD. I would not be able to function daily without. Prior to the diagnosis, I would be falling asleep constantly, whether I slept 10 hours or 5. I would get up, eat, do one chore or activity and be so exhausted I had to take a nap. I am very careful to not take a dose too late in the day that it would prevent me from sleeping. I have to take it each morning, knowing that I have to give myself at least an hour after doing so before I can even attempt to start getting ready and start my day.

I have zero trouble falling asleep. I have trouble staying asleep throughout the night and staying awake during the day. I take magnesium because it was recommended by my psychiatrist, but I don't notice a difference in nights I did vs did not.

AHR over the last 3 months is 100-108
LHR over 3 months is 83-86
ARH is 86
No vitamin deficiencies in recent blood work.
No abnormal thyroid hormone levels

In addition to the stimulant I take Viibryd 40mg with lunch.

EDIT 2: 28 F, on a hormonal birth control where I only have a period once every 3 months. I have suspected (but unconfirmed) endometriosis.

u/lavenderlullabi — 4 months ago