u/lawbabyesq

The past few months feel like they have been extra crazy with HCBM. I was desperately counting down days for SD to go to summer camp so she could just be a kid and be away/not worry about all this.

There was a slight hiccup with camp and within literal minutes, HCBM is playing her part true to tune.

Please give me your best advice for dealing with an HCBM. Honestly by dealing with, I really mean just ignoring and not being bothered by their actions. HCBM is not allowed to contact me and pretends to be cordial most times we have to interact in person for SD. My emotions and reactions are really driven by true hatred for how HCBM treats SD and SO

I’m in need of something more productive than daydreaming of getting a CDL to drive a bus or learning voodoo

Edit to add: I have a therapist who has been along this journey with me. She’ll get the update at next appointment, but I need a bit of reassurance from folks who have lived this

I need to preface this with I KNOW YOU CANNOT SPOT TREAT FAT.

For those who hold fat in your arms, what combination of things did you do where you finally started to see a difference?

I’m in a deficit (m:1800, d:1300, 90-100g protein every day) and lift arms. I am seeing weight loss throughout my body exactly as anticipated so I know my deficit math is correct.

I’m finding that I’m building arm muscle but it’s like it’s in a sheath of fat and the muscle is just pushing the fat farther away from the bone. My arms have minimal shape and just look puffy the more and more I lift. My programming is through Ladder (team Evolve) and is traditional progressive overload. I’m curling ~20lbs rn and do a number of tricep exercises to build all parts of the arm.

Is this just a time thing? Should I be lifting heavier? Is there actual benefit to lifting heavy + “Pilates” arm routines?

I don’t need dainty little arms (it would also look weird with the rest of my physique), but I want to be able to see and appreciate my hard work and not just feel like I have Michelin man arms 😂😭

We have been up against an HCBM and I’m tired and feel so sad… but would give anything to stay with my partner and maintain the relationship with SD11.

Tell me your heartwarming stories about how you prevailed or something SK did or said or a partner setting a boundary. I want to feel the community hope

*please don’t tell me to leave or to rethink etc… I’m not new to this situation or dynamic. I had a bad day and that’s not even a consideration.

On my period and am a devout pad girl… doesn’t always look cute with tighter clothes like gym leggings. Today’s outfit is sweats and a long tshirt to cover my VPL.

While it might not be *visually* cute, it’s much cuter than sitting at home with a bad attitude because I’m trying to convince myself my outfit was the reason I couldn’t go to the gym.

P.S. I also am of an age where we were wearing tall Nike socks and slides growing up… have 10000% worn those to the gym to lift upper body too. Path of least resistance, friends

I think I have a very niche question but this group seems relatively progressive so I’m interested to hear others experiences…

For women who were in relationships with men, not married (with no intention of getting married), why did your relationship of 5 or more years end?

I recognize many women get shoved into limbo land by male partners when it comes to getting married and then there’s resentment around it taking too long. I don’t say that to minimize the experience, but more that it’s not what I’m interested in understanding.

I’m truly coming from an open heart, open mind position about this, so no tiff too big or too small. I had previously been engaged and cut everything off because my ex lied about something related to our [read: my] dog.

I’ve now been in the most wonderful relationship I could have ever dreamed of (yes even with the bumps) and try to be proactive in understanding what life can throw at couples. (I recognize I sound a little naive saying that - I don’t want to disclose too much from both a privacy perspective and soliciting genuine responses)

**very important edit to add- I am so over the moon and want this to continue into perpetuity and really don’t see it ending based on 5y+ of how it’s been going; this is not me seeking advice in anyway. Maybe easier chalked up to “morbid” curiosity

Disclaimer: I am a painfully cis-het woman and only know what I’ve seen from a small bubble. Please forgive the ignorance or seemingly overlooking different dynamics