u/lemon_gumdrop

The email first. If you're stuck in Affirm support, customercare@affirm.com is monitored. A supervisor gave it to me during chat. It's the only Affirm address I've found that isn't a dead end (although I can't guarantee you will reach anyone helpful).
***help@affirm.com is not monitored. Stating plainly so no one wastes their time.***

Now the messed up part.

Supervisor told me he would open a case once I sent evidence. I sent screenshots. He reviewed them, then he retracted what he said about opening a case and said I had to continue troubleshooting as he tried to walk me through things I had already listed as attempted already.
(This was after 2 agents, and hours of troubleshooting just today. Using "troubleshooting" loosely because all the agents were taking me in circles trying the same things. I made sure to make a concise list of everything I had tried already so this wouldn't happen, but you can guess from the post how that went. It seems they don't read what you write.)

I was steered multiple times to the interest-producing card as the single existing fix. For reference it was a minimum of $86 interest if I were to do it the way they were pushing. The supervisor then made opening a bug case for me conditional on my first using that very card. He refused to open the case until I used the card, after I had declined twice clearly with "no," and cited the interest and the fact that it doesn't fix my broken account as the reason. I have all of this in writing since I copied our chat.
***For transparency, the supervisor did finally give me the case number when I said I was done and would be following up in writing (implying a formal complaint).

He also kept pushing me to "wait" a few days, when I've been dealing with this since last week. He was the 4th agent I'd spoken to. There's no reason to suggest waiting unless someone is trying to close the case.

Edit:
I was trying to make a purchase and getting stuck on a screen that says "Looks like you already have an account. Please sign in to your Affirm account with the phone number (xxx) xxx-XXXX." I was confirmed already signed in on that phone number, and they confirmed it's my only account.

The only things on the screen are "Update phone number," "Go back," & a hamburger menu that gave me a sign out option or takes me to the help screen.
- Attempting sign out returns an error message each time and does not sign me out.
- The phone number stated is already the correct phone number, and trying to change it to the same correct phone number gets an error message.
- I changed my account phone number to someone else's at Affirm's instructions. This is a security risk since someone else ended up with my verification code by design. This didn't work so I of course changed it back immediately.
Tried lot's of other things, but that's the gist of it. I run into a wall.

Nothing was resolved since my option was to continue "troubleshooting" with him after literally 4 hours of dealing with them just today, and the troubleshooting I was repeatedly instructed to do was things I listed as already tried. He refused to escalate the issue, so I have still gotten nowhere.

I took it off the charger at 82% to put it on my finger. I look at the app about 30 mins later it says battery is at 88%. that's a pretty significant difference considering the numbers are going the wrong way for how batteries function.

Next door to work there is a daycare. There is a little boy who's very often at the window, just observing. Not doing anything in particular, just watching whatever's going on out there. When I see him I always smile and wave, and he waves back, so he kind of feels like a little buddy. I don't know his name, and he doesn't know mine. It's just a thing we do.

Today I saw him in the wild (the parking lot), which has never happened before. He recognized me right away, which I wasn't sure he would, since up until now I've just been a window person. Then he held up his bag of snacks and bobbed it up and down a few times, watching my face the whole time, to make sure I could properly appreciate his bounty. I smiled, and we waved.

Now I feel like we really are friends.