u/lil_belle

Hi friends!

I have recently been invited on a friend’s bachelor party trip that will take place over Labor Day weekend. One of the nights is a dinner at a nice restaurant transitioning into a night out at the local gay bars.

The dress theme is just to wear all black and I already know what I’m going to wear HOWEVER (!) I have a medical device that I must carry with me. It’s about the size of a iPhone but about 1.5-2” thick.

Right now I carry it around in a baggu crossbody that works for general occasions but I’d ideally like something nicer for this event.

Any advice on what sort of bag I should carry? I don’t want the nylon to detract from the level of dress. Anything I would need to order online would need to have a shipping time that would get it to me before 9/3. Links would be much appreciated!!

For context, I discovered my butch identity a bit “later” in life than I think most do. I’m currently 32 turning 33 in October and I started identifying as butch about a year ago. I didn’t even start dressing masculine of center until about 3 years ago.

For most of my life, I existed in extremely heteronormative parts of society. Raised Catholic in a middle class suburb, went to a university in the south, was in a sorority all 4 years, presented as fem that whole time. I preferred jeans and a t-shirt for day to day wear but I could dress up and wear heels with the best of them. I mean, I was basically trained and expected to do so from an early age.

About 4 years ago, I got very lucky and inadvertently moved into the queer part of a southern city. Here I have developed an absolutely top notch queer community, come into my own as an out and proud nonbinary butch lesbian, I’m planning on getting top surgery, and am now living what I consider to be my best life.

Today, I was deep cleaning my closet to prepare for a move and discovered a box full of heels, lingerie, and various accoutrements from when I was fem presenting. It’s easily hundreds of dollars worth of name brand items, some brand new with tags.

Here is my question. As I was going through the box, I felt almost a sense of… mourning/grieving? I don’t know how to describe it. I am 100% confident I am butch. I have no desire to go back to who I was previously. I was deeply unhappy and uncomfortable during that time. But for some reason, looking at these items, I just felt sadness or something of the like.

I have tried my to do my own research online into this but haven’t really found anything. My imposter syndrome is flaring lol

Anyone is able to respond and provide insight but have any other “late in life” butches chime in on whether you have felt this as well?