u/livelaughlove1239

Sorry this is so long! I got carried away. Also, sorry in advance for any spelling errors. If I catch them later, I’ll fix them =)

I’ve been a writer since I was a little kid. One day, I was asking my school librarian to find this book. I had very specific guidelines and tropes I wanted. Eventually, after looking for 30 mins straight as I was following her around like a poodle dog, she crashed out a little bit (understandably). I’ll never forget that her she said.
“You know, if you want this book so bad, why don’t you go and write it yourself”
My mouth fell open and I was just like “I can? I can just do that?”

Needless to say, the rest was history. I went to class that day and finished my work as fast as I could. When I was done, I took a blank piece of paper and started writing something that wasn’t fan fiction for the first time (it totally was btw, I hadn’t gotten that far yet. My training wheelers were still on, but the heart was there). It was different in the since that it was an idea and a concept that I had fully intended to be a book.

It took about 8 ish months of me doing nothing but typing on my tablet in my bedroom. 50k words.

That one sentence, that was honestly said in defeat to just get a kid to go away, led to a complete book. I was about 8-10 at the time, and it was by far the biggest thing I’d ever made. By the time I’d finished it, I’d grown out of fan fiction. I failed to realize at the time that second drafts were 100% a thing, so I just moved onto my next idea. Then the next idea, then the next. Nothing really stuck around for more that 5 chapters untill I was 14, and I decided I wanted to challenge myself by not writing girl characters all the time. I was kept inside for recess, but instead of doing my work I put my pencil to paper. I wrote a list of names of the characters and that became the cast of my WIP to this day.

I’m 21 now, almost 22. I’m still just as passionate about all of these ideas. I understand what editing is now, and I still have my first manuscript. I know I could cut out all of the fan fiction bits and turn into into some real, if I wanted. I know I’ve been a writing machine before, I could be a lot further along that I am now. I keep feeling like I could have been published by now

It feels like there is something missing. The same fire that I had as a kid for this doesn’t burn as strong. I took a break, but I never stopped daydreaming. My fire never did leave after all, but something is keeping my hands from reaching for my keyboard.

I’ve come to the conclusion that maybe it’s because it’s more real now. It’s not just a fantasy world I have fun with. Pretty soon, in less than 6 months if everything goes to plan, I’ll hopefully be published.

Ever since I was told by my school librarian that I could write a book for real, I’ve had the dream to publish a book ever since. Kids don’t have the fear that adults do. The thought of someone reading my book feels like letting another person walk around inside my scull. I think that’s what’s slowing me down so much these days. I want my book to be read more than anything, I’ve spent an insane amount of time with these characters, their world, and the lore. I want to share that more than anything. I don’t know why it feels so wrong.

I asked an author friend (4x published), what he thought of my book cover I’d been working on. When he said the title of my book I wanted to puke from nerves. He also gave me some super solid marketing advice, which I’m forever greatful for. Yet, I still haven’t acted on it because I am so terrified for no reason. I don’t even know why I’m afraid. I should be excited. I got through three drafts! I’m finally in the home stretch for the first time. I’ve designed a cover I’m really proud of to match the book that has been my main passion for seven years. I’ve read my own fanfics on the bus to multiple kids at once with nothing but excitement for my ideas.

Yesterday, I was asked what I was drawing by two sweet people in the coffee shop yesterday and I wanted to evaporate. Why couldn’t I just say “oh, it’s my book cover!”

If I’m already this much of an anxious mess, what is it going to be like later on? Is this normal for first time publishing? Is it supposed be to feel like I’m allowing a group of scientists to make a pay per view video of my insides? How can I get this feeling to go away? I know some anxiety is to be expected, but this feels like too much. Will it eventually fade away?

Any advice would be much appreciated. I want to be able to go back to how this felt before. The whole reason I write in the first place is because it’s fun! It’s nerdy heaven, and I’d like to get back to that feeling again asap haha.

I’m never going to be one of those people who say “I don’t have an accent” because to me I do. Yet I’ve noticed (especially now that I’ve moved deeper into the region and have live here for 2 years) locals and visitors alike tell me I don’t have an accent, or that I sound like I’m from somewhere else. This doesn’t really bother me, I just find it super fascinating! I want to learn more about what some people have weaker accents than others.

For example, I was at work and these older couples come in for some pizza. They assume I’m not a local and keep asking me where I’m from. I tell them I was born in Ohio, which they nodded and said “makes sense” until I clarified that I was only there for a few days, then they were confused again.

I’m told by my friends in town that I speak very proper (which I appreciate), but they also insist that I really don’t have an accent. Are there some reasons as to why this is? I was a bit of a shut-in as a kid, and would spend a lot of time watching YouTube content from creators all around the world. Other than that, I was learning how to speak through reading. So maybe all of that led to me having more a muted/neutral accent?

I can hear it in some of the words I say. I especially noticed it was a bit thicker yesterday, since I’d been over 24 hours without sleep. I know I’m not the only one in my circle of people that also don’t have a twang or thick accent and yet I don’t notice others saying “you sound like so and so” or anything like that. Idk. Any insight on this would be greatly appreciated! I’d love to look into some reason as to why this might be the case for me =)

(Also my siblings also do not have accents. My brother has a best friend who lives in California, and the first time his mom heard my brother speak apparently he said “he has a cute accent” but other than that they have also said they don’t really notice he or I have accents.)

It was the first big chapter book I ever read. I read it in about 3-4 grade. I remember so much about it but I forgot the actual name of the book.

What I remember:

-their was a scene where the school children went out into town and got vanilla ice cream as a treat. They made a point out of it being a big deal. The main character didn’t finish.

-one of the conflicts in the book involved the main character being framed for stealing the money the teacher collected to buy a piano for the classroom. I remember the amount of money they raised for the piano was super low compared to today’s standards.
I remember it was later revealed that another classmate tried to frame here by sticking the money in her desk.

-their was a man who the kids referred to as “triangle face man”. They were really scared of him though out the whole book but by the end he helped them with something and they learned that he wasn’t a creepy/ scary guy.

-the main character was a girl. I believe the book was in first person limited.

the book was pretty thick. It was probably 200-300 pages.

it wasn’t a YA. I wasn’t old enough to be allowed to read those. It wasn’t a middle grade either.

I imagine this isn’t enough information to find the book but if it is I’d be forever grateful to find it again. I’ve been wanting to find that book title for a long time. I’m in my 20’s now and I want to reread it. It was such a big milestone for me to be allowed to check that book out from the school library. It later led me to reading some of my favorite books, which inspired me to write my own books. it would mean a lot to me to find the book that led me down that path =).

Posted this in another sub but this one might be a better fit =)

So I’ve been on libreoffice for some time now. I used it as a kid before I started using Google Docs for writing. In recent years, docs began to fail me, so I decided to go back to libreoffice. Love the program. I don’t know why more people don’t use it. I love customizing the interface and making it work for what I need to do.

The reason I being this up is because Google Docs had this feature. Not sure what the name of it was, but it allowed me to view chapter headings on a sidebar. And if I clicked the chapter. It would take me to that chapter instantly. This dramatically improved my flow, and saved me the pain of having to scroll and scroll to go to a part I want to go to. I miss it so much. I have been trying but I can’t for the life of me find a similar tool on libreoffice. I don’t even know how to search online to figure out if the feature is available because I don’t know the name or term for it. If anyone knows what this feature is called or how to use it please let me know =)

Any yarn organization tips?

On Linux mint here. I’ve been using this OS for almost a month and I love it. I’ve had 0 issues. In some ways, it’s more simple and liberating than windows. I feel like I’m in total control. What happened was I was on my computer watching YouTube. I went to open a YouTube video and everything freezes. My cursor, The loading of the video, and No keys will respond. I don’t yet know the commands to fix the freezing because i haven’t had to use them yet. I cold boot my pc and get a notification saying that an applet failed to start. It said to cheak the looking glass logs and to contact the developer. I wish I’d taken a screenshot of the notification. Anyways after I go into the logs and see that my weather applet failed, I look down and see that it has disappeared from my taskbar. When I went to go an put it back, i got a pop-up saying that the applet was incompatible with my version of Linux? Is that possible? And would that issue have been severe enough to cause a sudden system crash like that? Also for context, I remember looking down moments before and saw the temperature was 57 degrees. So I know it’s working, or it was working. I’m just so confused. Would an applet have been enough to make the system crash? And why is my computer just now deciding that it is incompatible? I’m so confused.

(Promises this is a post about guitar lol. I only bring up trumpet because it’s the only other instrument I’ve ever taken seriously, and I’m using it as a point of reference in my head, if that makes sense)

I’ve been playing guitar since I was 9 years old. I learned the basics and a lot of classic, simple songs. I progressed fast in 2 years, but after my dad died (he was my teacher) I stopped playing for a while. I switched to trumpet and picked it up just as fast and when on to do very well well with it too. But I hit the same problem with trumpet as I do with guitar. I reach a certain level and then my progress stalls. I feel like I’ve been an intermediate guitar player for the past 10 years with no significant improvements. It’s frustrating (and at times embarrassing), because when you here that someone has played for 10 years, you would think they would be able to do something more than just some repetitive 80s rock songs with the same three chords. I think it’s what keeps me from practicing, because i prefer novelty, but I don’t know where to start to keep going with my journey. Should I go back to basics and start back from square one as if I’d never touched a guitar? I tried that with trumpet once and leveled up far beyond what I expected. I guess I could take the same approach with guitar but I don’t know. I feel like I keep hitting walls with my progress no matter what I try, and it’s irritating because I’ll have an idea or a sound in my head and can’t translate it. I only know all of the major chords and a few minor cords. I don’t know any scales. I don’t even know what a practice routine for guitar looks like. With trumpet you had a warm up, practice session, then a warm down. Is their something similar for guitar too? If anyone has any advice for this, or any material I can seek out, I would very much appreciate it. Thank you.

Something I can make that I can take with me in the car and I can still participate in the conversation and not have to look at a pattern every 2 seconds. I figured I could do a scarf for a hat but I’m looking for something different.

Hello! I’m the one who posed about choosing between mint vs peppermint. After carefully thinking about it, (and learning it caused someone here issues I didn’t think I could handle yet) I made my choice. It’s popular for a reason!

Took me forever to actually get this far, my nerves have been riled up for no reason about all of this. I still haven’t installed it yet, idk why I’m so scared. I think I’m also just sad for nostalgic reasons. I’ve been on windows 10 since I was 10. It’s been a huge part of my life. But it’s time to start anew after all these years.

If anyone has any tips to make setting this up easier, please let me know! I want to get things up and running asap (and I’ve never had to set up a Linux pc for daily use. I didn’t get that far last time lmao)

For context. I am a creative person. Most of the time on my PC I am online watching YouTube or I’m writing on LibreOffice. I barely use photoshop anymore and when I do game on my pc it is exclusively Steam games. Nothing too demanding at all. The most demanding thing I do is edit pictures, and I’m glad to fall back into the warm embrace of Gimp.
So what I’m saying is I know logically that any distro I pick should be fine. Right?
Despite being a person that hates choices, I have kinda fallen in love with peppermint OS? I can’t find much info on it at all, but I do know it’s lightweight and minimal. (the fact that my windows PC is so crammed to the brim with worthless windows stuff is what’s making me what to switch right now.)
I just love peppermints layout. When I installed mint, I was like “oh cool, kinda like windows 7. I guess this is fine”. But peppermint is something I’m truly excited about and I’m itching to start using it. What is stopping me:

1.) some how I was able to mess up Linux mint. Idk how? But I ran into a password glitch and could not get back into the computer. This kind of killed my confidence since I know mint is supposed to be easy. It made me feel like I didn’t know what I was doing, even though I know mistakes are bound to happen. It has kept me from going back to mint, even though I thought it looked very nice as a distro.

2.) their is little to no information on Peppermint. However, there is a lot for Debian (from what I understand peppermint is a spinoff of Debian). I figured using a more popular OS would keep me in a safety net. If things were to go wrong again, I could just look it up. Which I’m worried that’ll be less of an option on peppermint.

3. My computer is a HP pavilion. It runs on Nvidia graphics drives. I haven’t been able to find anything on weather that’ll work in peppermint. I don’t see why not, but at the same time I don’t want to jump headfirst into this and be wrong. And as cool as peppermint is to me, I still need it to work.

4. I’m concerned that peppermint might be out of my skill level, but I’m also worried to try mint again given what happened to me last time. I’m worried I had a corrupt install of mint and/or my brother tinkered with something when I let him mess with the computer (I have wondered if that could be it)

All of this to say, I really want to install peppermint but idk how practical it would be for me in my day to day use/ as a beginner. But what I do know is windows certainly isn’t cutting it. I’m worried if I save the progress on my manuscript one more time it’ll just turn to dust. Which is kind of insane for a computer that is supposed to be powerful (windows be damned)

Lately I have been struggling with my sense of self and what I really want out of my life. All I know is I don’t want anyone to speak or answer for me, which is why I really want to find the answer. So I figured I’d see how other people have some to that conclusion so I can try their methods. Some people joke and say substances helped them with this and I’m not opposed to trying, I’m just broke lol

This was a massive struggle for me in school. The person that made me realize something was wrong was my 7th grade teacher.

I would score very well on my benchmark test. I scored at a college reading level in the 7th grade. I was writing my own books by the 6th grade and I’m still writing to this day. I would read all the time as a kid (trying to get back into it as an adult). My 7th grade teacher at the time took notice in my intrest and knew that I was capable of writing because I would turn in very good essays very fast (so I could get back to writing or reading what I wanted to lol). I always raised my hand for vocabulary questions. To the point where I wasn’t allowed to answer questions anymore. I loved vocabulary (still do). I love wordplay and manipulating language. Loved messing with connotations. She would teach us new reading and writing concepts and it would click with no issue. So naturally I didn’t think anything could be wrong since I was told I was doing so well.

It wasn’t until she started to get back my handwritten work that she noticed something was wrong (a lot of the work was “bell ringer” work and was given in batches, and a lot of our other work was on our laptops).

she asked me point blank “how are you not spelling anything right? I have not seen anyone with your vocabulary and skill level not be able to spell. I don’t understand why it doesn’t match.”

She didn’t mean it in a mean way at all, but I could tell she was perplexed and concerned. I was honest with her and told her I didn’t really understand how to spell. I don’t remember if I told her or not, but I kept noticing that as I would write their would be a word I would want to use, but I couldn’t even think of a way to spell it badly. So I would think of another word I could use. I think this might have been how my vocabulary got so strong so fast, because I was compensating for a skill I didn’t have. I assumed that all kids struggled with spelling and that it was no big deal.

I didn’t realize how much I struggled with this until she brought it up and asked me what was wrong. She gave me some helpful pointers, like slowing down and taking my time, and other pointers that I can’t recall right now. I think she also let me use things like my laptop to look up words and the dictionary, which helped a lot too. It was the biggest confidence booster for me at the time. It made me feel better knowing I wasn’t spell anything wrong. After that, I tried to be more intentional with my work. I figured the best way I could learn to spell was I could look it up and make a point to spell it right.

This helped for a while, and got me through school. However, I can’t help but feel like there is a gap I can’t overcome. The only words I have learned how to spell and can recall effortlessly are “chocolate” and “government” because i made it a point to learn it. It took months of drilling the words into my head.

I know this can’t be normal because I also remember in 7th grade I watched a girl who I was friends with writing on flash cards, and she reached a massive word. Six syllables if I had to guess. She turns to me and asks “do you know how to spell it?” I think she asked me because I always knew the answer in English. I reach for my laptop (or maybe it was the dictionary) so I could help her spell it. And then I sit there and watch as she sounds it out and gets it right first try. I find the word and sure enough she’s spot on. I remember just being dumbfounded and starting of into space for a while. Something that would have taken me over 12 minutes to thumb around in the dictionary for took my friend minutes to figure out on her own.

I think that moment made me realize just how much effort it took for me to do something that should have been intuitive. Of course, having my phone help me spell is so helpful, but even then I butcher a word so badly I have to use text to speech because I can’t physically spell it.

I’m not coming here for a diagnosis or anything of the sort, but I guess I’m trying to see if this relates to any of you? Would it be worth getting tested? Sometimes, I feel so stupid because of this. Even though I really try.

It’s dumb, but I’ll watch a video on YouTube and they’ll say something like “this person is stupid they probably can’t spell X word”. And that makes me feel horrible about myself. I think it’s because I’ve always valued intelligent people. I feel like if I can’t spell worth a damn then what does that mean for me? Now, when I sit down to write, I feel so dumb l because I’ll forget word spellings constantly. I’ll second guess myself and it makes me feel like an imposter. Because what do you mean I’ve written over 250,000+ words in my life and yet my spelling is somehow getting worse? It makes me feel horrible. I haven’t talked about this to anyone and I don’t know what to do and what steps I should take. I’m tired of feeling like a fraud as a writer. Sometimes it’s even hard to feel like I deserve to call myself that…

Also I’m posting here on this sub because I talked to that same teacher (at the time) and suggested that I could be dyslexic and she strongly considered it. Of course, I never asked my parents for an evaluation, but I wonder if it would be helpful to know in adulthood?

Spoilers for the film: you can live forever

(TLDR at the bottom of just the questions. I wanted to explain what lead me to asking them =) )
Ok so I’m rewatching the film “you can live forever” (it’s like my second or third time rewatching it). And since I know what Marike has planned for how her and Jamie and be together forever. And on my second rewatch I’m questioning Marike’s logic. I am more knowledgeable about other religions that JW’s, but they were the first religion I ever deep dived and it’s what got me into looking into other religions as someone who doesn’t practice anything.

(Yes, I paused the movie to make this post lmfao)

So in the movie, Jamie and Marike are lesbians and are full on dating without calling it anything. And Marike’s logic (from what I understand) is that if they can just hold out long enough until paradise, they can be together. I assumed this just meant that Marike wanted Jamie to be there with her (since I’m sure it’s that’s a big part of why she does what she does). But on my second rewatch I can’t help but realize other things, and it’s making me have questions about her plan. I figured this subreddit would be the best place to ask.

I understand that you absolutely cannot be gay (or at the very least openly gay) as a JW, and that’s because Jehovah doesn’t allow it. You gotta leave it before the metal detector, as Sophia’s mom would say ;). But I also assume he wouldn’t allow people to be gay inside of paradise, right? At some point Marike would have thought this out, so surely she considered how they would be things work once they past the metal detector, so to speak. Or is paradise viewed as a no eviction kind of place? I get that Marike isn’t thinking that far ahead, and is just doing what she thinks is her only option in the only life she knows. But the thought just made me consider the question itself very literally (outside of the movie itself) and now I really wanna know the answer lol.

TLDR: These are my questions. I know this is me being very nit picky and I’m not trying to be, I promise. But deep diving… stricter religions is very much something I love to do. And I’ve never seen these points brought up.

1.) if you made it into paradise with your same sex partner, would you be allowed to be openly gay (or even just in secret) in paradise? As a matter of fact, would anything be allowed In paradise that would be seen as bad or wrong on earth?

2.) do JWs even think that far ahead about paradise? Idk if any one religion does for that matter. But it would be weird to think there are all these rules for them on earth and then he would just let them loose in paradise.

3. (once you’ve arrived) Can you be removed from paradise for any reason?

4.) why do Jamie and Marike have to (in Marike’s plan) be with men they don’t love? As a JW, are you expected to have a family? Are you judge, or even disfellowshipped if you don’t by a certain point? Was this just something she thought of so they wouldn’t be removed from the truth and paradise, and not to be shunned by their family?

(Also sorry, I didn’t mean for this post to be so long. I should probably go to sleep soon lol)

Basically what the title says. I can remember being as young as three years old and struggling with being sick a lot. And any time I would cough or heave as if I was about to vomit (something I truly couldn’t help), mom would scream from her couch and say “if you vomit on that floor you’re gonna eat it!”. She was also always super aggressive. I would get in trouble with my dad often for crying or arguing with here but every morning before school she would rip though my hair with a brush. And whenever she would give me a shower she would also be super aggressive. It got to a point where I just tell her to please go away and then taught myself how to bathe and care for myself (basically what my granny taught me to do whenever she would bathe me). Anyways this goes on for pretty much my whole childhood. I was talked to like I was nothing, and/or I was screamed at for benign things. I can’t remember specifics, and I don’t think it was ever harsh enough to say it was abuse by any means. But she treated my brothers differently. I wasn’t what my mom wanted and I know she has distain for me because of this. But any time I would talk to her I was never spoke to with compassion, excitement, comfort, or even warmth. I was emotionally on my own for my whole childhood. If anything, towards the latter years (17-18) I was the one comforting and consoling her. So I could get her to calm down so we could move out of the hoarded house she put her kids in. When we were the ones needing comfort.

Anyways fast forward all of this to today, I’m 21 now and still unfortunately live at home because I can’t seem to find a job for the life of me. And I’m so happy that mom lets me still live at home and spots me some money for some things on occasion, which I am beyond grateful for. I know that not everyone is that fortunate and I don’t want do downplay her kindness at all. But I can’t help but notice now that for the past few years (basically ever since I turned 19) she talks to me like I am an actual infant. I wish I could describe it. It’s like I’m in a Dora the explorer episode whenever I’m around her. And she doesn’t do this to my siblings (who are now adults as well but are younger than me). She talks to them in an age appropriate manner. But for me she treats me like I am a child. She uses this weird high pitched baby voice and phrases questions in a way that you would be saying to a child, and not an adult. I wish I could recall specific things she has said that make me feel this way, but it’s more or less her behavior or tone of voice. Especially when she is asking me questions. It has gotten to the point where I can’t even go grocery shopping with her anymore. I physically cannot stand it. And it gets worse when we’re out in public. Like for instance she’ll ask me if I’m out of anything at home and I’ll ask if I can get something and she responds the way Dora the explorer would respond to a drooling 2 year old. It’s more of a tone of voice thing than anything but there are some phrases she uses that also drive me nuts. And I have confronted her about this, and she became enraged saying “I can’t help my personality this is just who I am” and even when I clarified saying “I understand it’s most likely because you work with special needs people, and you probably don’t even realize that you do it, but I would prefer it if you didn’t talk to me that way.” And she shut down and glared at me and didn’t talk to me for the rest of the evening. Any time I bring anything up to her at all that she doesn’t want to talk about she will either give me the silent treatment or she will revert back to the way she used to talk to me growing up. So I know it can’t be in my head if I have seen her flip between these two modes. But now idk what to do. I have tried to bite my tongue and just stay positive whenever she does this worse than other days, or whenever she gives me the silent treatment for whatever it was I said or did to her that day. Like she gets super upset when the words “car” or “driving” leave my lips and I’m pretty much not even allowed to entertain the though. Both of my brothers can drive though.

I have come to the realization that I just can’t let this go. It took all my effort today not to turn to her and ask “where was this version of you when I was a little kid and needed you, why are you doing this to me now?” But I know that would probably make her threaten to call the police, or she would start screaming or accusing me of beating her up. All of which she had done and said when I haven never even shown intent of want to lay a hand on her. I just don’t understand. Absolutely anything I say that is off script or gives her any sign that I am an adult she flips the fuck out. Like I had 2 bottles of untouched wine in the fridge that was gifted to me from a friend, and she said I was “her little alcoholic girl” in a patronizing voice. And on my 21st birthday I had 2 mini shots from the local wine shop and when I got back in the car she taunted and insulted me all the way home. She told me by breath “reaked of booze” Calling me an alcoholic. Ask me if I knew what was in the stuff. Telling me that use worms and stuff to make booze. Among other bogus stuff that I didn’t care to remember because I was just so violently upset. Why would you say that to your daughter because she had like a sip of booze (if you bc an even call it that). Thankfully my bother was with us and defended me (even he thought she sounded insane) and we had some shots together at home. And then the very next day we were back to baby voice central.

I am at the end of my rope. I know this is such a non issue but I truly think it’s starting to mess with my confidence, self esteem, and sense of independence I know logically that the way she treats me doesn’t have any reflection on who I am, but it still gets to me pretty bad. Mostly it just fills me with anger and I don’t like being an angry person. It drives me up a wall and I just wish I had an answer as to why she does this to me. I don’t know what to do or what to make of this situation really. Any advice from anyone who read this far would be greatly appreciated. This helped me to blow off a lot of steam. Thank you for letting me vent ♥️