u/localcringenerd

i mean no offense, but i will be upfront and say that i dont think mormonism is real. i personally will never practice it and am not interested in converting. the primary reasons why are the stories you hear about joseph smith, the founder. first and foremost: him never letting anyone see the golden plates that he translated the book of mormon from. and then later on when he was given the task to rewrtie the book without the help of the plates to prove the idea that he was given the text of the book through god himself, and he wrote this version differently with the explanation that God is angry that he was doubted.

i get the whole idea of being faithful despite inconsistencies and trusting god that this is the right path, but wouldnt these things kind of prove to you that the original book was a fake? or do you guys just keep believing? i guess i just am curious abt a mormons thought proccess on these things and how you guys are able to keep believing.

like i said, no offense and i know how much religion means to other people and how dedicated to God people can be, but both of those examples are things that would make me personally start losing faith in the church. so i dont understand.

i wont go into too much detail, im sure i have posts on my account that detail what happened to me further, but last year on the 12th of june it was my first experience with domestic violence from someone i was in a romantic relationship with. there were signs before, like slamming doors behind my head, slamming things in general, emotional abuse and the stuff he was into sexually, but this was the first time he ever actually put his hands on me violently. it was also in this same incident that he tried to rape me, not violently but i was laying down trying to proccess what happened, bawling my eyes out and he tried to take my pants off twice. first time i pushed him away and i said no and he smirked at me and said "yes" and then didnt try again after the second attempt and pushing away i did. it got to a point where he was trying to leave the hotel room because (and i quote) if he stayed in the room he was going to "beat the shit out of me" even further.

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the months after this happened to me were obviously full of chest ripping anxiety and panic attacks and disassociation. i feel like now, im experiencing those feelings again like a microdose of them because the last time it was the summer, thats how i felt the entire summer. its still intense now, dont get me wrong, but its just not as terrible as it was last year. i was wondering if anyone had any tips on how to navigate my thoughts or dissociation thought this. i already am pretty good at avoiding obvious triggers, but sometimes the feeling of dissociation and anxiety will hit me for no reason and thats almost like a trigger bc its like "oh this is how i felt last yr around this time" and then i remember what happened all over again and its awful. im good at being aware of when my anxiety and feelings of dissociation while im alone are because of that, but not good at making myself feel any more real or less anxious. i can distract myself, but only for so long before it turns bad. any tips?