u/loco6955

My mother keeps bringing food to my home, I hate it, not because I dont like them, it's just that I hate to waste food. When she brings food i can only think that some of my food will go bad because she brought it.

I told her to ask me before bronging in food, but since i never give her the ok she has started to give me food without asking. And it's not reasonable to say refuse it, so I cant.

So now i cant eat because everytime i look at my fridge there's something i didnt want, that I have to eat so it doesnt go bad, and i just want to break something. This has happened before and it just ends with me going out to eat because its late.

This also happens with everything else, as in she'll see i dont have lots of trousers, and i'll say i will some later. And since It takes a lot of time for me to go buy clothes, i dont like it, she'll bring me some. And then I wont be able to buy what I want. I've ended up screaming to her about it, and I dont want to do it, but since I dont have a reasonable explanation for her to stop she just wont.

And I know it's not normal, but shoving food in my fridge or things i dont want, just because she thinks i need them it's not a solution. It just makes me bitter, and I have a hard time saying no, until i blow up, and this week i've been very on the edge

Man, I've very inconskstent with this. I've done some thinking andabput why, I looked some self help kinda reel on insta about the 5 y. Where yous ask yourself why a bunch of times to find the root cause.

That got me thonking and I guess i felt bad, so I just did the minimum. When I reflect on the minimum now I see it is way more than a few years ago, when the minimum meant cleaning my teeth once and a shower a week.

Today I was gloomy too, so I made pancakes for breakfast. After that I cleaned the house and now I'm feeling great.

I'm goung to try and ask why:

Why I didnt log? Feels useless, i did what i did beacause i would have done nothing instead. No use for login anything.

Why is useless? There's no structure i dont know what to include or leave out is more like a shitty diary

?cause i don't know how to, what is worthy

? Whats worth to you keeping on with

? List is too long to include everything

Make a short list of objectives that can be marked yes or no

Day 7 i just cleaned and went for a bit of a walk woth a friend o. The afternoon. I had a shitty noght and ended up not beong able to go to sleep until 3 am.

I started hearing things outside my home and began to overthink into a paranoia that someone was outside.

Anyways day 8 I cleaned my fridge, I found the source of the weird smell. I had fungi, this fridge makes a lot of condensation. I got rid of it and after that I went for a walk and did some drawing.

The drawing class didnt feel very fullfiling, i didn't know what to do really, so I just doddled.

I did my 10k both days

I made lentils with rice, which i ate both days for dinner. They are edible, definetly missing spices and some chorizo for flavor on the pot, i add sriracha to compensate.

On sunday I went to the flea market and for some magic. It was okay, I felt great but was a bit tired.

When I got home I choose to post monday day 4, but on monday i wasn't feeling great. I forced myself to study german for a while and after that i laid on ved for a few hours, the heat was killing me. I tried login my dinners and became exhausted more exhausted when i saw 150 grams of protein for a goal, i dont eat a lot of meat and after dinner I was already over my allowed carbs so that made me loose all hope.

At 4 i felt a bit better and tried to make no bake cookies, they turned out a bit mushy. I felt sad about the day in general and the calories and all, so I proceeded to loose control and eat all the cookies over the span of the afternoon and it has given me a light stomach ache. I didnt have supper monday.

Thursday I've decided to study a bit of german and Im still feeling the heartburn, I've only had coffee.(i know it's not what I should have taken, but i need it)

My self care went to the minimum, bit didnt go beyond. I showered and brushed my teeth.

I'll stop counting calories for now, being given a goal for a day I know I wont achieve makes it real hard for me to be happy. I'd rather concentrate on easier goals for now.

10k - yes

Eat at home - yes

I clenaed all morning, felt great feeling the clean floor.

After that I showered a massacred my skin with a razor. I want to get laser but I'm nervous, I don't want to go and talk to the person and then suddenly relize I love my body hair. Even tho i dont and its gross and its a pain to shave, and I think all would be better if i didmt have a beard, but then what about all the people that would love to have a beard like mine.

I forced myself to get out for a walk, felt very unmotivated after cleaning my house, even tho my house is very small.

I would love if someone came in to give me the courage to go ahead or at lest the proper question so I can make out my mind about the laser hair removal?

Thx, sorry for writing to much

10k steps: yes

Eat at home: 1/2

Yesterday I spent almost all day playung magic, it was fun. I need to prctice more. I dont remember what I wanted to write yesterday.

I did a lazy start, the day before i went to the movies and went to sleep at 3AM. I hate going to sleep late, it makes me tired and wake up late and the cat starts bothering me.

I was a bit angry about that, so I laid and did almost nothing until 12. At 12 i decided the house was dirty and cleaned a bit.

After that I amde rice with veggies and an egg. Very meh, not bad,not good, I had some tomato sauce that made it not bland.

I showered and shaved my body from 15 to 17. I dread having to shave, my fingers ended up all wrinkly and it makes touching anytjing gross. To add to that my parents came and talked to me, I absolutely hate being talked at all while in the shower, I know it's weird but I just can't respond politely.

They thought I was angry, i don't know if I was, but someone telling how I am wont make me be less angry. I just want to be alone for a while. It always makes me feel overwhelmed in the end so I did nothing until I was completely alone at 19.

I wanted to get out but I didnt have reasons so I asked chatgpt for a reason and my brain was pleased. I walked 8km and bought tomatoes. And had some yoghurt with fruit and a toast with egg for supper.

Goodnight

I've wanted to make a post in here for a few years. Every time its been a I'm too sad right now i'll do it tomorrow, then I forget and nothing gets done, and I go up and down.

My objectives would be:

Keep this tjread updated daily

Body recomposition and a bit of weight loss

Study german

Now I will give rant of everything that makes it difficult:

I find it difficult to organizing myself, like I need to feel good enough to start and the thing needs to be worthy enough, I need to be ready like have everything ready. I need instructions, I hate improvising, it makes me think im about to mess up.

It's usually easier if rope in someone to be with me, but I think people don't understand when I ask them if they can come to help. They ask me what will i do, and when i tell them nothing is required they look at me weird and they dont say amything else.

I also want to change my image,but I feel trapped behind the prerequisit of being leaner. I cant change my looks, beacuse then i will look bad differently. I want to shave and try the femboy thing, I know it's kind of in season right now but I dont know... And it's a constant thought of not pretty enough.

Thx for reading

Hi, first of all sorry if this isn't the right community. This is the place where i've found more posts related to the cudy p5. Also i'm on phone.

Problem: The first few times the router booted up normally. A week later I went to configure it connecting it bi LAN to a pc.

The router on/off light goes on and blinks.

The celular network light goes red and turns off

The router on/off light goes solid blue and it does nothing else, even after ot stays plugged in for an hour.

If I try to reset after its turned on the router won't do a thing.

If I hold an the reset light and turn on the router the on/off light goes solid blue and the cellular light blinks twice red and then goes solid red for like 20 seconds and then blink.

I've tried to flash it following the blog from cudy.

Thank you, and sprry for the inconvenience.