u/lolipopBrasil

Olá, sou mulher, 22 anos. Eu sou extrovertida, gosto de ajudar o máximo que puder, de presentear e ver coisas bonitas.

Mas eu vou morrer. Não me perguntem como, não queiram saber se eu vou me matar ou se estou doente. O fato é que, eu vou morrer, logo.

Eu não sei oque fazer pra tocar sobre o assunto com meus pais, pra preparar eles pra um futuro que eles não esperam. Eu não consigo parar de pensar nas pessoas que vou deixar pra trás mas eu acho que já desisti, eu já não vejo um futuro. Eu me sinto uma pessoa ruim de deixar eles aqui com as minhas merdas mas é.

Eu não sei oque dizer, oque fazer... eu tenho mantido meu quarto arrumado e escrevi algumas cartas.

I am depressed, I've been severely depressed since some really fucked up things happened to me when i was younger but lately my thoughts and feelings took a turn for worse.

I am 22F, always thought about a bright future where i would have children and work with something i love. I'm the type of person that's extroverted, that tells people that you can always try again and that takes you out when you're feeling down but the truth is that i have no one to return the favor. No boyfriend, no bestfriends and i am too embarassed to ask my family for help cause they might think i am like this because of them.

These last few months my grades (college) are REALLY bad so i will probably take longer to graduate, i haven't been able to get a job nor to properly take care of myself, i try to force myself to wash, eat and brush my teeth but everything is so exaustive. I love to look my best and the fact ive been looking in the mirror and staring at someone that is not me is consuming me.

I can't look ahead and see a future anymore, everything seems so distant and I've been thinking 24/7 that i should just end it all.

I need to prepare, I've cleaned my room so they can remember me gently, i wrote a letter and etc but i squirm everytime i think about leaving behind my family and friends but i am so so exhausted. I don't know what to do