how do i ride this out without doing something stupid? i'm so nauseous and can't stop hyperventilating. whats something that works quickly pls idk if calling a hotline will help they havent taken me seriously in the past.
i’ve ruined a lot of friendships by either self-sabotaging or splitting and upsetting people. i just don’t know how to deal with the guilt and feeling like i don’t deserve forgiveness, especially because i often haven’t been forgiven in the past. i try to focus on what i can control, but when i split i just see red and say things i know are hurtful. i know i’m not a bad person, but the guilt is so hard to deal with, and it just triggers the urge to self-sabotage even more. idk if i’m making any sense, but i’ve tried some dbt strategies and it’s so damn hard to focus while i’m splitting. my guilt just feels like a heavy weight on my shoulders i'll never be able to get rid of.
i really am fighting the urge not to punish myself and sh over splitting and saying mean things to her once again. i haven't slept well since last week and i feel so on edge. i blocked her and then immediately regretted it (of course) she isn't accepting my friend request and i think she won't speak to me again. it's so infantile i feel so inadequate and ridiculous and scared of going into psychosis for being so sleep deprived. nothing grounds me or calms me down for too long. living with this illness is so difficult how is it possible to get better?!? the pain is so fucking hard.
it’s so difficult to find lesbians in general near me lol
how can i make more lesbian friends, even online? my two closest friends are straight, and due to my social anxiety, it’s quite hard for me to make friends. i work from home, and i’m a bit of an awkward person when i do go out.
i know i make things hard for myself 😭 but i also do feel like we’re a minority amidst minorities. the world is so male-centered, and it feels so lonely sometimes.
i feel like such a monster whenever i go out. i know not everyone is paying attention to me but the truth is people in general look at you in a different way when you're fat. i just feel so watched and so disgusting i can't do anything without feeling disgusting at myself and still-i binge. i'm miserable because i'm fat and i keep doing the thing that keeps me fat and gets me fatter. i just feel so frustrated with myself, i wish i didn't have to think about food, i wish it wasn't the only thing keeping me alive most days. i wish i had something else to live for.
has anyone read this book? i’m only on the first chapter and idk if i should keep going. i understood the whole rest strategy thing and i can see how it helps with anger, but i mostly struggle with sadness, depression and anxiety more than outward anger. if i’m angry it’s usually at myself.
then it started talking about distraction techniques and focusing on other people and idk, that part is kinda triggering me a bit because being overly focused on people is literally one of my biggest problems. i’m super codependent and have really unhealthy attachment issues.
if anyone has read this, is it worth continuing? i'd also would really appreciate book recs that actually helped with bpd/fp stuff and detaching in a healthier way
she’s just a friend but there’s a lot to it... i do like her romantically, but realistically nothing is ever gonna happen and i know that. she doesn’t want me and i can’t do anything to change it, everything feels out of my control.
half the time i’m overthinking about her getting close to someone else or dating someone and i get so jealous and then immediately feel awful for being jealous because she doesn’t owe me anything. then i spiral and feel creepy and weird and guilty for feeling so possessive. i feel like she doesn’t care that much about me and mostly just likes the affection/attention i give her and that also hurts so much to think about.
when she’s distant it genuinely feels like withdrawal, i feel sick, i can’t focus, i obsess over everything, i feel abandoned even when logically i know she hasn’t actually done anything wrong.
i don’t know how to detach. every time i’ve tried it’s gone horribly and i can’t go through with it. the only way i’ve ever stopped being attached to someone is by accidentally finding another fp and moving the attachment onto someone else which makes me feel like such a fucking leech. like i just latch onto people and drain them and then hate myself for it.
i don't know what to do but i can't cut contact rn without losing my mind. is it possible to be just friends with your fp?