u/lovelockets

It’s been about two months since MIL kissed baby after our 5th fight about her doing such. If you’ve followed my story at all, she was watching baby 10 days per month whilst DH and I WFH. That ended after she kissed baby again and baby and I haven’t seen her since. DH tried to reach out to his parents a few times and visited alone once, but they have been very dismissive and not interested, so he’s finally realised he needs to stop chasing after them.

Today he showed me a message from MIL asking for pictures of baby. Just out of the blue - no “how are you?” etc. When he had asked her how she was in the past, she would just say “good. Why?”

He is annoyed that they feel entitled to pictures after making no attempts to repair things with us. He has decided to ignore the message and talk about it in therapy. This is kind of just a rant like why on earth would we send you a photo of our baby right now??? So you can send to your friends and pretend you took it?

Spoke to MIL for the first time today since our latest argument (about 6 weeks). She texted me very early in the family group chat and said happy Mother’s Day (with a longer message and an emoji). I was not so happy to receive any message, but also if she didn’t message I would’ve been annoyed too. There’s no win there. I waited a few hours and sent back a very bland “thank you” and “happy Mother’s Day too”.

Had a great day at home with my baby and DH. When my baby was napping, DH decided to video call her. He said it was so awkward and he could tell she had been crying. He asked her why and she just said it’s nothing. He says he kind of wishes he didn’t call but feels like he’s damned if he does and damned if he doesn’t.

I also spoke to his therapist yesterday and gave her a bit of background after he asked me to have a session with her. She said our situation is one of the worst she’s ever heard and agreed with me about emotional manipulation. We’re going to continue therapy and come to an agreement on how we are going to handle her going forward.

I feel like this is a win this weekend.

I feel angry any time my DH mentions MIL and FIL, or if I hear their voices over the phone, or if I even think about them. Sometimes it takes me a whole day to let it go and I even get physically sick for days. How do you not let the mention of your in-laws ruin your day? I’ve thought about therapy, but that feels like spending more time thinking about them.

Just feel like listing out a bunch of things MIL has done over the past few years… mostly as a reminder to me for why I should remain VLC:

- kissed my baby multiple times after being told not to and sent videos of why not to kiss a baby

- kissed my baby on camera and pulled the amnesia card when confronted

- told me and DH that a mother is a baby’s first girlfriend

- keeps DH ex-girlfriends Christmas ornaments and puts them up on the tree each year

- asked me what way my c section scar runs across my body when I was busy wondering if my baby was going to survive in the NICU

- threw a fit when DH said she couldn’t talk to his Dr after his endoscopy and told him she would ban him from ever viewing her medical records (he’s never had a need to anyway lol)

- brings up her boyfriend from over 40 years ago every chance she gets. Never refers to him as an ex - he’s on a first name basis. Including on her husband’s 60th birthday.

- grabbed my husbands stomach in front of my parents and told him he was getting a belly

- told my DH that I can thank her for his ass

- fully looks at passenger while talking when she’s driving and doesn’t keep her hands on the wheel

- recorded a super long video crying about how my baby was going to be a girl when all we asked for was a short video guessing girl or boy. My baby is a boy lol

- went on vacation with us and woke up at the last minute on the day we had to leave after all the cleaning was done

- accused my baby of flirting with her

I could go on…

DH and I had a fallout with MIL about a month ago (see my past posts) and I haven’t spoken to my in-laws since. DH is a peacekeeper and he feels guilt and calls them every so often to check in on them. Today he called them and was saying he will bring baby around to see them soon at their house.

I’m not ready to go to their house and I don’t want them to come to mine. He won’t take the baby to their house without me. How would you handle the first meeting after a fallout? I’m going to suggest DH just goes to see them alone first (without baby). I’d like to stay VLC with both of them.