u/lustybat

Made it the first full year sober since 13. As I remember it, drinking has always made me feel like 'me', then it went with amphetamines, cocaine, crack, heroin, spice then onto abusing prescription meds. I can't stand my mindset sober. I don't enjoy anything like I used to. I stayed drunk till my body rejected the smallest sip. I have no friends anymore, the closest ones I lost to overdoses and the others I've distanced myself from because I NEED to stay sober because my pancreas is fucked... all they do is knock round the streets drinking and smoking having a laugh all day. I envy all of them. I can't find medication that makes me feel normal and have zero confidence to make any new friends and zero motivation to actually do anything about making my life better. I used to think I'd feel great finally being free from my addictions, but now I feel like I only function when I have one. I feel like I'm living someone elses life while still retaining the trauma and regrets of my old one. Just here venting, sober sucksss! 👊

Hey, I'm in a mental burnout phase and really need a distraction. I need dopamine and shiny things. I want to play something dare I say it... live service (sorry if that is triggering to some of you) or something that has regular updates. I want my progress to be somewhat meaningful as I don't have much going on in life, yeah I know tiny violins out. I love mmos, but the community is being pretty much starved atm. I'm looking forward to Chrono Odyssey next year I enjoyed New World and isometrics like PoE but I can't bring myself to do the campaign again waiting it out till 1.0. I have tried repeatedly to get into ffxiv and gw2 but progression wise it just doesn't click, I need those sweet loot drops that will last more than a few levels. I prefer 3rd person in general but have been pushing myself to get over motion sickness of FPS. Currently playing Marvel Rivals, Borderlands3 and Once Human with a friend but need something to grind away at by myself, whether it be levels, collectables, or completion. Aslong as goblin gets some tasty loot along the way, I am open to try anything new!

So my past is pretty much 100 uptime on alcohol about 20percent or so also taking a substance especially in the later years. I actually made it to 1 year off alcohol and rec drugs last month and I'm on the last antidepressant I can try (effexor) it has stopped me bursting into tears thinking about my past that is about all. Is this as good as it's gunna get sober, I hate my life the only reason I'm still here is because I have a Son who got taken off me over my stupid decision making when I was young and absolutely fucking stupid. I hate myself I hate all the decisions I made in life. He deserves so much better and the stupid thing is all these years I've let his dad an abuser walk over me again and again while he has lived his cushy narcissistic life. I have a chronic health condition and a few years ago I asked him to get me some codeine because I was in alot of pain and I knew he was able to get stuff like tha whereas it takes ages if I put a request in for some and they ask so many fucking questions, anyway he gave me Subutex instead and even though I was hesitant I thought I've been putting worse stuff into my body for the past 15 years. 2years on I feel unable to function on any degree when I don't have any subs I'm so sick of having no motivation. I'm scared of telling any health care professionals about it because they all keep saying how well I'm doing and I keep going along with everything is fine when it's really not. I feel like I only function when I have an addiction. Why is my brain wired like this?

Evening fellow prescribed,

After tapering down to 30mg cymbalta because I kept having episodes of not wanting to be here, my doc switched me over to Effexor min dose. I thought the switch would not be bad, considering I'm already adjusted to the snri part. Unfortunately, I'm having a really rough time, really restless and feeling sick, but still no motivation to actually do anything productive. I find it really hard to get to sleep and when I do, the slightest disturbance wakes me, and I'm back up all fidgety and irritable. Is this a normal reaction? Has anyone else had troubles with the same switch over? I never felt this way beginning Cymbalta. I feel like giving up already. Please, someone, give me a kick up the arse to stick this through. I know alot of people go through these med adjustment periods. Maybe I just need to hear some positives idk, I'm so tired.

I hope you all have a great weekend ❤️