u/machBoh

My baby (10 months) has just started nursery in the UK. I started now even thought I'm not back at work for another few weeks so that we can take longer for settling if baby struggles with separation (he is). The nursery settling in is very short: starts on Monday, parent stays for two short sessions, then separation, and full day by Friday.

Anyway I recently read about about the German Eingewöhnung model. There, a parent stays for several days, the baby bonds with one key person first, and the first separation only happens once the baby can be comforted by that person. If I understood correctly this happens over multiple weeks.

My nursery's view seems to be that babies cry for a while and then adjust, and that the key person matters less than I thought. I've been negotiating shorter separations and staying for all sessions so far (although only for a short time), and they've been flexible, but it's clearly not their default. I understand most parents don't have the luxury of weeks to settle a baby in, because of work and cost. I'm lucky to have a month. But I keep wondering: shouldn't slow settling be the norm, rather than a favour for parents who can afford it? Isn't it less stressful for babies, and does it make them more likely to enjoy nursery? Did your baby go through a quick settling-in or a gradual one? How did it go? Did the speed make a difference to how they felt about nursery after a few weeks? If you could redo it, would you have asked for more time?

Not looking for judgement either way, but i am curious what you'll think since i know we're all aligned in terms of attachment with our babies.

I'm making the nursery take it slowly with my little one, (for which i thank them profusely every day) but I feel like somehow I'm in the wrong for taking my baby's input as to how quickly we're doing it.

We're planning to get an extension done and I just started going through builder recommendationson the E17 whatsapp group. There's a name that keeps on popping up but it's always mentioned by the same woman, which it looks a bit suspicious. So, has anyone got any work done by Liviu from Elite total building?

Update on my last post (https://www.reddit.com/r/bninfantsleep/comments/1vfh3ti/9mo\_early\_morning\_waking\_45am\_shortened\_nap/)

Turns out baby is teething (two bottom incisors now coming through), and those who answered the first post here were right that he was probably sleeping too long night relative to his daytime sleep. Following the advice we pushed bedtime and naps later and it worked:

Bedtime now 7-8pm Wake up now 6:30-7:30am

Which is great! But now we're stuck on the naps and getting confused. His first wake window is still only ~2.5 hours. If he's in the pram around then, he'll fall asleep no problem. But following that cue would mean an early second nap, which feels off for a 9 month old. A couple of times we let his first nap run long (2 hours) and he then skipped the second nap entirely, giving him a 6-7 hour wake window before bed, which seems way too long for his age. Surely he's not already dropping his second nap as the second would be massive? So we started capping the second nap (end by 3pm latest) with a 7pm bedtime target. When we did that, he seemed overtired but couldn't actually fall asleep at 7 and he ended up asleep at 8pm. We then tried capping the first nap instead, hoping it'd shift his second nap earlier in the afternoon. Same result: still asleep at 8pm. So now I'm wondering: Are we overthinking/over managing this? Should we just be happy with the later wake up and stop fiddling with the rest? Is his 2.5hr first wake window actually telling us something we should listen to, even if it "shouldn't" fit a 9 month old schedule? For consistency's sake, is it better to anchor the day around a fixed wake up time or a fixed bedtime? His wake time was never very consistent to begin with, but now even bedtimes are unpredictable. Thank you

I have a 9 month old baby whose sleep is quite inconsistent, his morning potential wake up window is 1.5hrs. Should I wake him up at the same time everyday? I read it's good for their circadian rhythm, but it seems harsh as if he sleeps however much I assume it's because he needs it (less sleep the day before etc)

Hi everyone, last night our almost 9 month old was "chomping" (still no teeth) on butternut squash wedges (his favourite, prepped following solids starts guidance). I noticed a corner was missing including the skin.. within 10 seconds he started attempting to cough, then struggling to breathe/wheezing and trying to cry (he was making a kind of high pitched crying noise). i was watching him but my partner told me to pick him up and in the panic I did. He was looking at me with panic in his eyes. It was horrible. He was doing shallow breaths which sounded weird as if the airway was open but covered (I'm thinking the skin was stuck there maybe?). Eventually decided to attempt some lighter back blows (i only did maybe 5 in total) because i felt like it wasn't getting better and I panicked thinking the blockage might get worse if the skin properly went down the windpipe because he was trying so hard to breathe.After reading more, i shouldn't have done them as he was still breathing (although very badly) and they could have made it worse. After a few minutes of trying to cough he managed to dislodge whatever was causing it, and he's fine now but I feel terrible. I'm still so shaken and I feel pretty low. I know it can happen but i just feel like it's my fault and should have prevented it somehow (not sure how unless by avoiding all solid foods), also feel shit that I didn't react as per the rules, but it's so hard when you've not seen it before. I didn't think gagging could be that violent. I've researched baby first aid carefully and I know the steps, but I'm now thinking I should do an actual in person course. Because I'm looking online for videos of babies choking and I can't find much (probably for the best, but I don't feel prepared enough without seeing it). What do you think? And how do you move past scary episodes?