my day goes better when she ignores me
(this is gonna be so incoherent, im sorry, im not in the right state of mind rn)
dont get me wrong, i 'love' my mum in the traditional sense. both my parents do provide for me, but when she refuses to apologize for stuff she knows its her fault- im expected to say sorry just because im younger. tf?
during a family trip, she called me rude, when i'd disassociated and didnt answer my cousin. later, she told me she wanted to punch my face, and break my teeth. then told me to get out multiple times.
what is going on
and when we got home, the heat was apparently sorted, as my gramma intervened. but she ignored me for 2-3 days, and ofc, my dad forced me to apologize. again. for nothing, again.
one time, i was crying because of smth at school, and she told me to stick it up---.... i told her i just wanted to voice my frustrations. her words- "keep them to yourself please, dont talk."
my parents and i have never really talked the way a functioning family should, its always been all about wants and needs from eachother. im so emotionally starved.
im not allowed to leave my house(or my room even) except for school or extra classes, which my father takes me to. im not allowed to make friends, let alone invite them to hangout, or even my birthdays. im monitored 24/7, its suffocating. im not allowed to shave/wax, not allowed to dress the way i want/ speak what i want. not allowed to crashout. i cant cry, cant breathe.
i just wanna breathe. i cant wait to move out for college.