u/mantafanta69

I literally cannot comprehend how proud of myself I am! This genuinely feels like it might be final and I know some people reading this might feel bad cause relapses r expected but idk this just feels crazy to me.

So background, I don't particularly have a addictive personality, but trich has always been one thing I cant give up.

During covid, I vividly remember the minute it started, tugging eyelashes to see if they're loose, then inspecting them in the mirror... and my lash line is uneven (obviously!) But as the little perfectionist i was i had to straighten them out, combined with ocd it became a focus I couldn't stop. I was around 11 at the time.

It became severe around my first year of secondary school (middle school equivalent) and I eventually had to start wearing fake eyelashes due to styes etc. Heartbreaking, I just wanted to be normal.

Then. During my 4th year (start of high-school I think) i had a pain in my head, and pulled the hair near it. It went away, causing a immediate connection that pulling relieves head pain. Obviously it doesn't, I should have scratched but this was preinstalled from my eyelashes. I even remember turning to my friend "i should NOT make this a habit" she looked concerned and agreed.

Anyway. Guess who made it a habit.

Honestly, I just presumed it would go away, that I wouldn't every do enough damage to notice. Everyone thinks that until they suddenly have massive bald patches, just like myself. During my 5th year it got so bad I eventually lost all love for not just my hair but my face and body just with how my hair suddenly no longer framed my silhouette and face (thick hair) anyone who thinks it only affects the hair is a liar, trich genuinely will affect parts of your damn soul.

I tried to quit so many times but couldn't, nothing worked, this is a year of hair pulling now. The final day of school before summer, I simply decided I wouldn't, I got on NAC the same day (I know it takes months to help with urges but the placebo genuinely helped so much)

It's been 80 days now, and honestly it wasn't the biggest struggle, ofcourse I had my moments where hair was in my hand, so easy to pull, but I had to pry my hand away even if it felt like pulling two damn magnets from eachother.

Genuinely, the two worst things was the pain and the pity. Since I couldn't pull when hair started to regrow it HURT and I had to teach myself to associate scratching with relief, and the pity if from all the people who saw my bald head and thought it wouldn't happen. 3 weeks without pulling, nobody believed, 4, 5, .... it wasn't until I got visible progress that everyone trusted my word.

So yeah, pure yap. But honestly I haven't told anyone it's 80 days yet, so I wanted to tell the strangers of reddit who actually understand. It's not that my family doesnt care, I just constantly feel like the "i threw up" kid when I came with this news nobody knows how to celebrate. So yeah. Long post few will read, hopefully those who do will feel inspired. Happy to support or celebrate anyone else's milestones/losses under this!!

Okay. A random rant cuz I cant get this off my mind. Maybe I'm just wrong but why do all dudes presume alt girls are this one cut from some different cloth creature rather than a girl??

I'm not sure if this is the exact reddit to put this, so just tell me down in the comments if there is, but I wanna complain cause of the way the "not like other girls" is basically PUSHED onto us.

I'm not actually trend follower, I don't have a intrest in them, no social media apart from reddit, but if other girls do... I DON'T GAF. Why do these guys presume just cause we're alt we're PITTED against every other girl ever. No I'm not Janice from mean girls set out to destroy the girls who wear pink, stop thinking that.

"Girls like that are so unoriginal" "i only like girls who are different like you" "I only wanna date REAL genuine girls like you" ... these r all things I've been told by many different people I was dating... like. What. It's not a compliment to put down literally a massive percentage of girls for your fetish. And even more, why would I agree?

I personality adore any style of anyone as a pan girl, and these things infuriate me, stop presuming I see myself as some higher being than everyone else for eyeliner and diffrent clothes.

Like, in my experience as a ambivert, I've met just as much mean alts as I've met mean popular girls, these guys just never speak to "basic" girls and presume they're all some sorta demons, in reality they're mostly angels, as well as alt girls too. Not only do they do this. But they take ONE singular look at you and have a image in their mind of your entire personality.

"Omg you watched ttg as a kid? Your fav WAS raven." "You probably put curses on me already" "ugh js bite me already" "I know you kinky af" ...?? All things said to me within a WEEK of talking btw.

Like. Stop projecting your little online fantasies onto real girls. Maybe the black lipstick girls on insta will bounce up and down for you and say all this freaky stuff... not me. I'm not a "real goth" (hair metal btw. I'm so severely not a goth its pathetic how you're tryna show some niche knowledge.)

So yeah. If any "need a goth mommy :3" guys, or girls (cause guys face this too) see this... please know we have personalities diffrent from what you might think. A girl can be super soft and affectionate even if she looks like she can step on you, vice versa. Stop presuming things from one damn look.

And alt girls, I've been "weird" since I was a child, and a full appearing alt for liek 7 years. Stop presuming every slightly popular girl is your enemy. Not everything is like the 2000s films, most likely there's no blonde girl out to torture you, in atleaet my experience I spent so long avoiding these girls, and in the end.. most of my alt friends had some God complex and all I was left with was the trendy girls.

You can't presume anyone from a look, and I wish I knew that as a kid cause just speaking to people no matter their looks has me as a much happier person. A lot of the time we presume people are out to get us cause of gacha stories and movies since we were kids, giving us a preinstalled victim complex, the reality is... bad people come in any form of dressing up, sometimes alt people have it more out for the "normal" people than anyone has it for them.

Okay so basically this is just me putting down what I think each character would be capable in romantic aspects. I also know there's like minimal romance at all in Dn so its all speculation.

L– i think he could fall for anyone who could keep up with his mind, yes he was into misa cause she was pretty, but she also annoyed him a lot, also that was a lot of curiousty and also testing her. But he also touched her ass FOR NO REASON, so I think there's atleast a small bit of attraction past curiously. A celebrity crush I think moreso.

As for a genuine romantic connection, someone as smart and hardworking as him, without care for gender or appearance cause of his disconnect from society. Obviously he's seven years older than Light so when Light's a minor it's weird, but had the story been rewritten to allow sexuality open characters I think he would have fallen for Light. His love no matter towards who would be very intellectual driven, curiosity more than pure romance.

Light– A little more complex, I think Light as a person would have also fallen for someone who understood him, so if him and L worked for years without Light having the deathnote, he could have fallen for L, wether he had acted on it is beyond me.

We never really see Light's pure personality, he has both a soft aspect that makes me think he maybe would have acted on romance if he grew up with continous love from his family and been a mature man, but also he complety complied with society so by the place and time he lived in, he prolly neber would. Even then, his love would prolly still be controlling and detached, because even tho he's respectful and helpful before the notebook, he already shows a disconnect of society, a boredom, and strong sense of justice.

I don't think he'd ever like misa back, whether in his original personality or as kira, he just used her in the original storyline, and I think even if he never got the notebook, he'd be kind, have pity, a protective feeling for her, similar to his sister, but never romantic.

Kira– Yes I always view light and Kira as different people, or atleast a massive disconnect, since the thing L said about Light being the first victim. Kira couldn't love anyone. He wouldn't find the use for it, the appeal for it, and he'd never relent enough control to like someone.

If we say he still has some aspects of Light, of human nature, or just to be tragic, maybe he would want and crave love but never get it, but in my fully opinion he'd just never ever feel that way.

Misa– i think Misa would have fallen for anyone as long as they were Kira, if light was a girl I think she'd still romantically love him or at the very least have a sisterly obsession that blocked all other romantic relationships. She probably wouldn't be as all consuming about a girl though because she still faces all the expectations of society as a popular. I generally just think she'd fall for anyone to protect her, even if Kira never existed, she'd prolly fall for someone who saved her from a robbery or really anyone who showed justice and heroism infront of her. However I think Kira killing her parents murderer was a MASSIVE amplifier, why she was so obsessed. Even if she did fall for another person with strong values for justice, if it wasn't as personal to her trauma she'd be able to walk away, not like how she couldn't leave light, but even then it'd take a lot more to make her leave over a untraumatized person.

I do also think ALL characters would lean to a straight, opposite gender love, but as you can see i don't think they'd be privately limited to it, publicly, depends who.

Feel free to counter, disagree, correct me or share own opinions! I'm not trying to make it a wokefest but I did kinda make them all sorta queer so if you disagree fire ahead. Sadly I think there's such a lack of romance in Dn you could speculate them as ANYTHING. Maybe Light's a furry. We don't know. /j