u/mariaelisaa

I’ve never been in a serious relationship before this. He made me feel loved and appreciated in ways that I didn’t know were possible. He made me feel truly cared for, like I understood him and he understood me back. I promised myself I’d never let him go, because I felt like I was so lucky to have someone who loves me so purely as he does. In the beginning, of course, I wasn’t sure if he was the one, but as time went on I was certain he was the person I wanted to share my life with (and he always says the same, even more than I do). So, as someone does, I completely trusted him.

It’s been one week since d day and I’m a mess. Here’s what happened:

He asked me for nudes one night, I was tired and sad (I was having a very bad crisis in regards to a physical problem I just realized I had, I was dealing with serious pain that made me unable to do basically anything I like, he knew about all that, of course) and I didn’t want to send anything, so I went to sleep. In the next day, he asked again. I told him I just wanted to sleep, but he kept pushing. Then I sent a few, he kept asking, eventually I just got really tired and frustrated and went to sleep.

A few days later he told me he was really worried because a random telegram number was asking him for money in exchange for not sending his nudes to other people. He said he had a telegram group with just himself that he used to send his nudes and choose the “best” ones to send me. I thought this was really weird and unnecessary, but of course I believed him, told him it was obviously a scam and that nobody had access to it, and told him this wasn’t normal behavior and he probably should consult a therapist (as he mentioned many times he wanted to). I was confused with how the random number got access to his contact, but didn’t think much of it and he was obviously really distressed about the situation, so I put my efforts and thoughts into making him feel better.

A few days later he told me that wasn’t the full story, he said he watched porn after I went to sleep that day, then went to reddit and found a few telegram chats in which just moderators send suggestive photos, and that he entered those chats that night. He was REALLY guilty about. So I had 3 thoughts:

1- that’s definitely unhealthy. I don’t know what’s going on, but obviously that’s something he needs to talk to a professional about. I’m willing to help but I’m unable to fully, since I know close to nothing about the subject (I never watched porn, don’t fully know how unhealthy or normalized it is, he was too ashamed to talk a lot about it at the moment, so I didn’t want to pressure him). I did tell him he needed professional help and that I was there to help him though.

2- so that’s why the random number got his contact. Alright, makes sense to me.

3- why was he so guilty? Sure, it’s not healthy, it’s kinda weird that he went that far, but I wasn’t judging. I never got interested in those kinds of things, but I always thought it was fairly normal. I felt like I wasn’t understanding something. I tried to calm him down either way.

Then a few days later he told me again that that wasn’t the full story. He said the telegram chat was actually a “trade” chat. He’d post nudes of himself to receive nudes from others. The telegram chat he mentioned in the beginning was a lie. I asked him later how many he posted, he said only two.

I felt betrayed, not just because of him sending nudes to other people, but because I was trying to help him while he was lying to me, more than once. I don’t even know how hurt I should be. Sometimes I think it’s not a big deal, sometimes I think it was everything. We’re talking and he really seems to be guilty. He started going to therapy in the same day he disclosed everything, he apologized in every way possible and said he was willing to do anything in his power to make things right again. But how can I fully believe him? How can I believe the things he told me in the past, that he loved me more than anything, that he wanted to take care of me for the rest of our lives, if he betrayed me like that later? Will I actually be able to fully open myself up to him again, to fully trust him again? Because I really want to.

I know I’m a bit naive. I’m young and this is my first relationship. But I really want this to work. I know he didn’t do it to hurt me. I think he’s just a really dumb manchild that makes some really dumb decisions. I told him that he needs to grow up and never lie to me again if he wanted this work out, and I truly believe he’s trying. But I still feel terrible and hurt, sometimes I want to talk to him and open up about what I’m feeling, and sometimes I don’t even want to think about his face. I thought we knew and understood each other, but now I’m starting to think I never truly knew him at all. I didn’t even know he was addicted to porn. I just need directions now, I don’t want to be hurt forever. I want to be strong and forgive him and trust him again. We still have a lot of talking to do, but how can we solve this problem if part of me doesn’t even want to talk to him? Sometimes I get physically bad, with hands shaking and all that (I read about it and I’m pretty sure it’s fight/flight response). Anyways, I would like for things to get better for both of us, I believe we’re strong enough to get through it. I don’t want to give up on him, but I don’t want to get hurt again. I want to be able to fully open up to him someday. I won’t forget what he did to me, but I want to forgive nevertheless.

Also, how bad is it? I’ve seen so many cheating stories here in reddit that I feel like this one isn’t that bad. Dude cheated on me and got into a scam lol. But at the same time, I also feel like it was terrible. Anyways, I’d like to hear more experienced people’s thoughts. What can I do now? I want to help him and myself to get through this situation.

I beat the true ending a couple of weeks ago, but there's something that's still on my mind. If Simon can't sleep inside the manor (because he'll possibly be crushed to death while the house resets overnight), why are there so many bedrooms? We see in Lady Clara's diary that people actually sleep there. Is there an in game explanation for that? Of course, if Simon could sleep inside the house, the gameplay wouldn't work the way it does, but I'm just wondering if this topic has been tackled somewhere and I missed it, since every little detail in this game seems to have an explanation.