u/marketisaloser

USA, adult owner, problem has been discussed with vet

tldr former stray seems to have instinctual aggression/trauma that makes him act aggressive towards our other cats. looking for advice as its been about 5 weeks.

background: my partner and i took in a stray cat (male, neutered, probably about 2yo) a little over a month ago. there's already two other kitties in our house, both also neutered males. one is 12ish and the other is 4ish.

the stray kitty is the sweetest guy in the world to humans, will literally just sit on your lap for hours at a time while purring. the two resident cats are also absolute sweethearts to both humans and eachother. theres no serious health issues in any of the three cats. HOWEVER, the stray has several scars on his face that appear to be from some other animal.

timeline:

beginning: we followed jackson galaxy a bit to start, keeping the stray cat in a separate room and some site swapping/scent swapping/treats on other side of the door. there seemed to be no aggression or fear after about 1.5 weeks, so we let the stray cat meet the resident cats.

1.5 weeks in: things actually went really well the first few days they were in contact with eachother. a few random hisses or swatting but really nothing crazy, they even slept next to eachother for like 20 minutes

2 weeks in: all three cats were having some free reign over the house, when stray cat heard one of the resident cats hiss from the other room. stray cat immediately bolted towards the resident cats and got in massive fight. had to vaccuum up loads and loads of loose cat fur.

after first fight we reseparated them and essentially went back to the beginning stages with zero visual contact. we also added two feliway diffusers. there was hissing and swatting at the door for another week or so. once about two more weeks had passed, things started seeming calm and curious again.

4 weeks in: we were just about to start doing some brief face to face contact by cracking the door and feeding them on either side. instead, the stray cat decided to slip in between my partners legs while she was bringing him the food. he immediately yowled when he saw the other two cats and went after both resident cats again 😭 another fight, another twenty minutes vacuuming up cat hair, and now they are once again separated.

its been another week, luckily the resident cats dont seem too traumatized. i've heard them hiss once or twice at the stray when he meows, but nothing crazy.

it just sucks because based on the scars on strays face, i feel he mustve gotten in fights on the street and have trauma from that. i bought a screen door like jackson galaxy reccomends, but am still waiting to try it out because i'm slightly afraid stray will just go wild when he sees the other cats and stress himself out trying to break thru the screen. sigh.

anyone dealt with a former street cat that struggles with aggression towards other cats? do we give it more time???? its such a hard situation because hes the sweetest guy when he's just around us.

any advice is so so welcome and appreciated :(

next month i'm gonna be roughing it, camping with friends for 3 days with very limited access to private bathrooms/showers etc etc.

i have a lot of black hairs on my chin, sideburn area, and neck. i also have pale skin so they're always really visible if i don't keep up with them. the best and fastest option for me has always been to shave 1-2 (usually 2) times a day to keep it at bay, even if i'm not seeing anyone that particular day. i can't stand the way it looks or the awful pokey/stubbly feeling. it grows back super fucking fast.

it was already a big step for me to accept the invitation to this trip, i literally have always turned down any offer to go somewhere where i won't have easy access to a private bathroom where i can deal with the fuckin facial hair :(. however, it's not fair to myself to limit my life experiences over this.

but tldr i mean i won't have access to private bathrooms (maybe i will like once during the trip) so does anyone have any tips for discreet ways to deal with the hair while i'm on the trip? has anyone been in a similar situation and what did you do?

i'd rather not just let it grow the whole time, we are gonna take a lot of pictures and it'll also overstimulate me to feel the stubble. i wish i didn't have this problem :(

three cats in the home, all neutered males. the new cat is a stray we took in about a week and a half ago. hes around 2yo based on vet estimate. new cat got his shots and is fiv / leukemia negative. resident cats are 11 and 4, both get along great and have been together several years.

things started off fine, the new cat has a sanctuary room and the resident cats hissed/swatted under the door for a few days then chilled out. theyve had two very very supervised interactions with no aggression. theyre all super friendly to humans, and like i said they seemed pretty chill in their brief meetings. i heavily regret introducing them at all right now based on what just happened.

new cat had started getting extremely restless in his sanctuary room, lots of very sad meowing and its been hard to redirect him from just constantly begging to be let out even when we hang out with him.

idk how the fuck the new cat managed to open the door to his room today, but he did. like i said he rly wanted to get out the last few days. pretty much immediately there was a massive fight with tons of yelling, hissing, growling, fur flying and someone peed on my shirt that happened to be laying out. all three cats involved, idk who started it. i finally managed to separate them and shut the door, put some obstacles in front of it to make it more difficult to escape. most stressful shit ever, oh my god i feel AWFUL.

i know the jackson galaxy stuff, i watched it and know we need to keep them completely separate now obviously. but has anyone had this happen???? how do i ensure he doesnt escape again, especially god forbid we aren't home to break up the fight??? is it okay to do site swapping after this???? i worry about the new cats mental health being only in the sanctuary room, its been clearly upsetting him and i dont blame him for wanting to wander. please any advice would help.