u/marsh_mel_low7

For context I’ve had this chronic unknown stomach issue that’s been ongoing for a while and still no answers. It caused me to lose weight and I can’t eat the things I enjoy anymore. But recently I’ve been genuinely scared. I don’t feel happy at all anymore. I don’t have any friends. And I’ve had these thoughts of injury but I don’t know if it counts because I don’t think I’ll act on them… I don’t wanna tell someone and risk being hospitalized for it or something because I hate hospitals. It’s almost like I don’t know what point it should get to before I need to get help? it’s a confusing thing and the thoughts are newer for me. I’ve had depression for years and it WAS better but recently it’s been absolutely terrible. I don’t wanna do my laundry, eat, shower… I constantly feel sick and tired, I don’t sleep well anymore. I don’t find anything fun anymore. I don’t feel real and the world doesn’t feel real. I don’t wanna do this a lot longer but I don’t wanna end it, if that makes sense? I’m sorry if this is annoying. I don’t have anyone else to talk to.

I don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t have any friends I see irl. I’m not happy anymore. I have a chronic stomach illness that’s unknown. Eating makes me feel nauseous. I’m always in pain. All I want is to live out the things I dream of. My depression recently has gotten bad; and I have these bad thoughts but my mind says it doesn’t count since I won’t go through with them, I think. I won’t end it. I wouldn’t ever go through with it; I’m too scared. But the thoughts are a newer thing for me, and it’s terrifying. I don’t feel real, and the world doesn’t feel real sometimes. I don’t wanna tell someone because I’m scared of being hospitalized. But I don’t wanna be like this anymore. I’m sorry if this seems annoying to read. I just have nobody to talk to. I’m not asking for a diagnosis. I just don’t know what to do. It seems like every post I’ve been making gets taken down for “breaking the rules” which isn’t my intent.

I wanted to ask a question - well, the rules say not to ask for advice and I already got one post taken down for advice seeking (which I wasn’t but okay…)

I just needed to say this or something because I’m scared

I don’t feel real. The world doesn’t feel real. I feel like I’m dreaming and like the world is a video game or something, and like something extremely bad is going to happen. I genuinely sit and find myself feeling like I’m almost floating or something. Like life isn’t really happening. It’s genuinely terrifying me. I have anxiety and depression which WERE doing okay but I think they’ve gotten bad again; I keep having bad thoughts. I don’t have anyone to talk to. Some unknown chronic illness thing is prohibiting me from having a normal life so I don’t get out much, and when I do I don’t want to be. I’ve tried counseling but it hasn’t been consistent. And I haven’t talked about this specific thing. I’m scared.

I wanted to ask a question - well, the rules say not to ask for advice and I already got one post taken down for advice seeking (which I wasn’t but okay…)

I just needed to say this or something because I’m scared

I don’t feel real. The world doesn’t feel real. I feel like I’m dreaming and like the world is a video game or something, and like something extremely bad is going to happen. I genuinely sit and find myself feeling like I’m almost floating or something. Like life isn’t really happening. It’s genuinely terrifying me. I have anxiety and depression which WERE doing okay but I think they’ve gotten bad again; I keep having bad thoughts. I don’t have anyone to talk to. Some unknown chronic illness thing is prohibiting me from having a normal life so I don’t get out much, and when I do I don’t want to be. I’ve tried counseling but it hasn’t been consistent. And I haven’t talked about this specific thing. I’m scared.