u/mascot-youth

burger and onion rings at this venue’s restaurant (going to a concert tonight)

really been trying to put myself out there more recently. was (and still kinda am) a depressed hermit who has been socially awkward and extremely anxious most of my life. i’ve been trying to be at least better doing in-person stuff with my friends despite this. i’ve also been going to public events and places recently so i’m not bedrotting in my room all day after work and on my days off. even when i do shit with friends i still feel lonely as hell though

it doesn’t help that also i’ve been craving to go out on the dating scene but my anxiety really stops me. i’m a gay trans man who gets mistaken for a lesbian all the time and i’m so sick of it dude. also does not help i am a bigger guy too. i’ve never had a boyfriend, have never had anyone ask me out in my life, i just feel extremely undesirable. but i also don’t want to be hurt by shitheads on apps (i live in an area that has a good sized queer community in a normally conservative state) or be mistaken for a woman at a gay bar. i know i have to put myself out there (and i am trying) but goddamn more days its harder to put myself out in public than not.

one of my friends who i was talking to and doing things with these past few months just got a new boyfriend and near immediately i noticed how much less we were talking and doing things together. i hate admitting i am a little upset, i feel like a shithead admitting it, it was nice to do things with them and have someone else besides myself when most of my other friends are usually busy. kinda recently put me over a point again where i just want to withdrawal and do nothing because i don’t feel desired

can’t let the depression win. really trying to push myself. but shit sucks dude