u/meme_lord112

भदौको सुरुवात थियो। गर्मीको मौसम अझै पोखिँदै थिएन।

आकाश उज्यालो त थियो, तर त्यस उज्यालोमा धुलोको हल्का कुहिरो मिसिएको थियो मानौँ सहरले घामलाई पनि थकाइ दिएको होस्।हावामा पसिनाको गन्ध थियो, सडकमा स-साना पसलका गिलासमा उम्लिँदै गरेको चियाको वाफ।म, दिनभरको कामले थकित, अफिसको ढोका पार गर्दै आफ्नै कोठातिर हिंड्दै थिएँ।

सडकका बत्तीहरू झिलिमिली गर्न थालेका थिए, तर शहरको कोलाहल अझै हराएको थिएन। मलाई लाग्थ्यो मानौँ हरेक गाडीको आवाज मेरो मुटुभित्र घन्किरहेको होस्। आज खासै केही थिएन दिनमा, तर कहिलेकाहीँ शून्यताले पनि थकान ल्याउँछ। शायद म त्यही शून्यताबाट भाग्दै थिएँ, जसको कुनै ठेगाना छैन।

घर पुग्दा झ्यालको पर कतै रातको सुरुवातले आकाशलाई नीलो र सुनौलो बनाइरहेको थियो। ढोका खोल्नेबित्तिकै, हावा अलिक शान्त लाग्यो जस्तो कि शहरको भीड बाहिरै रोकिएको होस्। ब्याग कुर्सीमा फ्याँकें, मोबाइल टेबुलमाथि राखें, अनि पानीको गिलास हातमा लिएँ।

त्यसैबेला मोबाइलको पर्दा बल्कियो : “College Group >> 3 new messages”

थकाइको बीच पनि त्यो नोटिफिकेशनमा अनौठो ताजगी थियो।मैले क्लिक गरेँ। मेसिनका अक्षरहरू पनि कहिलेकाहीँ कति जिउँदा लाग्छन् , “Guys, I’m getting married!”

थप सन्देशहरू झरझर बग्न थाले, हर्षका इमोजीहरू, हाँसोका शब्दहरू, “Finally bro!” “Congrats dai!” पुराना सम्झनाहरूको एउटा बाढी आयो हामीले कलेजको छतमा बसेर गरेको रमाइलो, क्यान्टिनको बेस्वाद चियामाथि हाँसोका लहर।

म पनि हतारमा टाइप गर्न थालें “बधाई छ भाइ! तिम्रो जिन्दगीको नयाँ अध्याय सुन्दर होस्।”

केटाहरूको बथान झन् उत्साहमा थियो। त्यो साथी, जो सधैं हाँसोको स्रोत थियो, जसको आवाजले पनि उदासी हराउँथ्यो, उसले लेख्यो , “सबैजना आउनै पर्छ नि, compulsory हो!”

मस्किलो हाँसो आयो। तर त्यस हाँसोको पछाडि, मुटु भित्र कतै कोमल पोलाइ चल्यो। किन हो किन, त्यो शब्द “विवाह” एउटा पुरानो सम्झनाको ढोका खोलेर आयो। मस्तिष्क भन्दा अगाडि हृदयले सोध्यो , “के ऊ पनि त्यहाँ हुनेछे?”

ऊ — जसको नाम म अहिले उच्चारण गर्न डराउँछु।

ऊ — जसको हाँसो कहिल्यै पुरानो हुँदैन, जसको आँखामा एकचोटि डुबेर फर्किन सकिन्न।

ऊ — जसले मलाई प्रेम सिकायो, अनि बिछोडको अर्थ बुझायो।

क्षणभरका लागि हावा रोकिएजस्तो भयो। कोठाको पङ्खा घुमिरहेको थियो, तर म त्यो आवाज पनि बिर्सिएँ। झ्यालबाट देखिने आकाश नीलो थियो, तर त्यो नीलोपन अब मेरो मनमा बिस्तारै पस्दै गयो। आकाश त्यही, तर म त्यसमा हराएँ यादहरूको असीम अन्तरिक्षमा।

टेबलमाथि एउटा कप थियो कहिल्यै नपिएको चिया, तर भित्र सुक्दै गएको झोल। कुर्सीमा फ्याँकिएको ब्याग थकान भन्दा बढी सोच बोकेको। रात ढल्दै थियो, तर मनभित्रको साँझ अझै बाक्लिँदै गइरहेको।

“ऊ खुशी छ होला?” प्रश्न न उच्चारण भएको थियो, न सुन्ने कोही थियो। तर त्यसको प्रतिध्वनि कोठाको भित्तामा बजिरह्यो।कहिलेकाहीँ लाग्छ, जीवन पनि कस्तो रमाइलो विडम्बना हो कसैले तिम्रो कथा पूरा लेख्दैन, केवल नयाँ अध्याय सुरु गर्छ।शायद यही बाटोले मलाई फेरि पुरानो यात्रातर्फ लैजानेछ जहाँ मित्रता, प्रेम, र बिछोड सबै एउटै धागोमा गाँसिएका छन्। म मुस्कुराएँ, तर त्यो मुस्कानमा उदासी मिसिएको थियो।

His hands trembled like pages in a storm, every thought shaking loose another memory of her. Nights had grown heavier since she walked out of his sky like someone had dimmed the moon and left him wandering through his own shadow.

He sat alone on the rooftop, heartbeat unsteady, breath thin as a thread. Grief pressed against his ribs with a force that felt almost unlivable, like a thousand unsaid words pushing outward from his chest.

Tears came quietly, falling the way rain falls from a cloud that can’t hold its heaviness anymore. He missed her not gently, but violently, with the kind of ache that rewrites a person from the inside out.

His mind spiraled, thoughts flickering like broken lights, each one whispering the same question: Why wasn’t I enough? Anxiety tightened around him like invisible hands, pulling him deeper, drowning him slowly in the memory of her smile. With fingers shaking, he reached into his pocket and felt the crumpled packet the one he promised he’d never touch again. But tonight, the world was too loud, and his heart too bruised to fight the noise.

He lit his first cigarette.

And for a moment, the chaos paused. The fire at the tip glowed like a tiny sunrise, small but enough to warm the cold corners of his mind. The smoke rose like an exhale he’d been holding for months a release, a fragile, fleeting peace. His tears slowed. His breath steadied. The world softened its grip.

It didn’t fix him, didn’t heal the hollow places she left behind but it quieted the storm, just long enough for him to feel like he might survive the night. And as the smoke drifted upward into the vast, indifferent sky, he whispered to the darkness, almost apologetically, almost in relief:

“This… this is the first moment that hasn’t hurt.”

It's been 286 days since I last saw you in person.

I don't remember what I wore that day or what the weather was like. I only remember that I didn't know it would be the last time I'd get to look into your eyes.

Life kept moving. Days became weeks, weeks became months. New places, new people, new routines. Yet somehow, every once in a while, my mind still wanders back to that version of us that existed before goodbye.

I wonder if you ever think about those moments too, or if they've quietly faded into a past that only I still visit.

286 days later, the distance isn't measured in time anymore. It's measured in all the conversations we never had, the memories we never got to make, and the person I never got to see one more time.

I don't know why you still cross my mind, but you do.

Sometimes I wonder if you ever think about us too. If certain songs still remind you of me, or if you ever catch yourself smiling at a memory we made together. I wonder if you remember the little moments that meant everything to me, or if they've quietly disappeared with time.

Do you ever think about meeting me again? Not to fix anything, not to go back to who we were just to see each other one more time. To know how life has changed us. To see if our eyes would still recognize what our hearts once did.

There's one question I don't think I'll ever stop asking myself.

Do you ever wonder if letting me go was a mistake?

I'm not asking because I want you to regret it. Maybe I'm just trying to understand how two people who once meant so much to each other became strangers.

I still carry pieces of us in places I never expected. Sometimes they hurt, sometimes they make me smile, but they're always there.

Maybe you've forgotten.

Maybe you've moved on completely.

Or maybe, on quiet nights like this, you wonder about me too.

I don't know why you still cross my mind, but you do.

Sometimes I wonder if you ever think about us too. If certain songs still remind you of me, or if you ever catch yourself smiling at a memory we made together. I wonder if you remember the little moments that meant everything to me, or if they've quietly disappeared with time.

Do you ever think about meeting me again? Not to fix anything, not to go back to who we were just to see each other one more time. To know how life has changed us. To see if our eyes would still recognize what our hearts once did.

There's one question I don't think I'll ever stop asking myself.

Do you ever wonder if letting me go was a mistake?

I'm not asking because I want you to regret it. Maybe I'm just trying to understand how two people who once meant so much to each other became strangers.

I still carry pieces of us in places I never expected. Sometimes they hurt, sometimes they make me smile, but they're always there.

Maybe you've forgotten.

Maybe you've moved on completely.

Or maybe, on quiet nights like this, you wonder about me too.