Today I had my last meeting with my counselor and my last group meeting. I hate goodbyes, but this one is different. I graduated from my rehab program.
I think I wondered if it would be possible at one point because I absolutely have a terrible time adjusting to new people and even worse, group situations. I was brought up by my grandmother and her mother who was born in 1903 and always had such beautiful Edwardian manners and sensibility. It was deeply ingrained in me to not burden others with personal matters. Additionally, Asperger's and ADHD cause me to dread group sessions. AND there was no way in hell I wanted to be in group sessions where there might be people I had gotten high with or around.
I found an online rehab with everything done through Zoom and an app, including group sessions and I really came to enjoy them. To be able to do everything from home was the saving grace for me because I battled severe depression every step of the way. At times I could barely get out of the bed for days at a time, but I could at least put on a shirt and comb my hair enough for the session. Background blur hid my piled up room and nobody knew I needed to boil myself in the shower.
Step by step. Day by day. Don't be in a rush, but be persistent. It's an amazing feeling when you suddenly realize that you have removed yourself from active addiction and are on the outside looking in and realizing just what was really going on and the feeling you get when you see others in that situation is a whole different revelation.
I'm grateful for every day that I'm able to go on walks with my son and have complete clarity of mind and be fully present.