u/milkchocolate101

So, my husband cheated, but we're still living together. It's not easy for me to just take my stuff and go, I need some time to deal with things. He currently thinks that "it's all good", and that because I'm not arguing/yelling/questioning/etc. that I'm okay with it and everything is normal.

I already started moving on, I grieved, cried, and I was miserable for many months already, because cheating wasn't the first issue in our marriage. Now I'm at peace with myself and he misunderstands that. I'm preparing my exit, but it'll take some time. It's not always easy being in the same household with him, it does make me very frustrated at times.

I'm curious about other people's experiences of living together with a spouse that cheated? How long it took you until you were ready to leave, and how did you manage all your feelings seeing them everyday?

Which one would you recommend?

We didn't have kids with my avoidant husband, but seeing his behaviour now, having to wait for days to get a reply to a basic question is so exhausting. We still have some unresolved things that I need his involvement in and it's just horrible.

Outside of being an avoidant and before having discarded me in the worst way possible, he never really did things to make me suffer on purpose. I do believe if we had a property or something together, he wouldn't make any problems with that. Same goes for kids and custody etc, I don't think he'd get in the way of anything.

BUT it's just unbelievable that I have to think how I text him so it's not triggering for him because it could make him not reply for several days. And I need the answers. I need to plan how I go about it. So exhausting. I don't know how we'd be dealing with anything related to kids. Appointments, schools, hobbies.. ANYTHING. I'd have to drag it out of him and he'd still give a vague answer or not reply to everything. Then I'd have to ask him again and wait again. *Sigh*

How are you managing this? Genuinely curious.

I had 2 long relationships in my life and unfortunately I don't think I experienced what having a good partner is really supposed to be like. The first one I was very young and inexperienced, and the second one was great at first, good for most of it and it ended up with a discard in the end.

I don't think I actually know how it feels to be in a relationship with someone who is a decent partner. And I mean a *partner*. Someone who actually listens AND remembers things, someone who DOES things for you just because they want to and they don't feel bothered and lazy about it. Someone who actually does what they say they will do. Actions over words, kept promises, being seen, able to TALK about things.

I wonder how it feels after the failed relationships, and I wonder if I'll feel strange or overwhelmed when I find someone like that.

And I don't mean they're separated by something/someone and have to find their way back together. I mean, they get together and are together but later on realize they don't actually love each other forever? (and potentially find someone else?)

And I know being together forever and being soulmates is kind of the point of a romantasy book, so I don't have high hopes for this.