u/milkwalkleek

“She only saw the psychiatrist for 20 minutes”

The purpose of an acute inpatient psych ward is to get you on a combination of medication that works well enough for you that you can be transitioned to outpatient care. It is NOT an appropriate setting for talk therapy, and it is NOT a mental retreat. It is for critically ill people who are well enough to be out of a medical hospital but not yet well enough to go home. Their mental and physical condition is so poor that they are not medically stable enough to respond to talk therapy. If you are mentally well enough to respond to talk therapy, the psych ward is probably not for you.

In acute psychiatric hospitalization they are quickly trying to find a cocktail of psychiatric medications to stabilize you. If you want to characterize it as “throwing meds at you” then go ahead. But that’s what it is. And just because you think it’s a bad approach doesn’t mean it is.

Why would you need any more than 20 minutes with a psychiatrist? A psychiatrist is not a psychologist and they are not a counselor. A psychiatrist is a MEDICAL DOCTOR. Their job is to prescribe psychiatric medications. If you don’t like that, then psychiatric care is not for you.

It takes 30 seconds to say, “I just had my third child and feel strongly I have PPD. My symptoms are X, Y, and Z. I’ve tried X, Y, and Z medications in the past and had X, Y, Z side effects. My current symptoms are X, Y, and Z.” And then the psychiatrist can make an educated guess on what medications can control your symptoms.

Do people expect a medical doctor to sit with you and learn your entire life story? That’s not how this works and it never will be. 20 minutes is more than sufficient to get the background on a patient, assess their condition and symptoms, and make an educated guess as to what medications will work for them based on the information available.

There are residential treatment centers, PHP & IOP programs all around the United States that take a more holistic approach to patient care that does not emphasize pharmaceuticals. If you call around they’ll tell you their approach to patient care and you can make a decision if it’s a good fit for you.

But the argument that she received substandard psychiatric treatment is ridiculous. The amount of psychiatrists that treated her in that short period of time is suggestive of the fact that she did not stick with a treatment plan long enough for it to work. Finding a combination of medications that works for you can be a long process and it requires you to relinquish control over your routine and rely on the expertise of other people that have more clinical experience with these drugs than you do. You can’t take a medication for 4 days before deciding it doesn’t work for you and then blame the doctor that prescribed it.

Today marks one week since I found out, but my brain is the quietest it has ever been in my life.
It feels so weird to say this, but I feel this strange sense of… calm? Before this, it was like the “volume” on every part of my life was turned up to 100% - constant thoughts, stress, everything swirling all the time in a way I couldn’t control. I have ADHD, so I’ve honestly never experienced this kind of mental quiet before. Don’t get me wrong, this is the worst thing that possibly could’ve happened in my life. My entire reality was shattered in an instant. Logically, I should be in extreme pain and distress.
But I’m not.

I don’t feel sadness. I don’t feel anger. I don’t really feel anything. It’s like I’m completely insulated from my emotions. Like nothing external (good or bad) could shake me right now. It’s like I have an armor against everything happening around me and it honestly feels incredible.

I’ve never felt this level of “nothing” before, and it feels peaceful in a way I can’t really explain. Everything is quiet, my brain is a white wall, life is silent. And it feels good.

Has anyone else experienced this kind of thing?

Found out about my (25F) husband’s (29M) porn habits this week

I found out on Tuesday, and it’s almost a week later. I feel like my entire perception of my marriage flipped in a matter of days.
I (25F) have been with my husband (29M) for about 3 years, married more recently. Earlier this week, I discovered that he’s been hiding extensive porn use from me, specifically transgender content (male genitalia), and lying about it when confronted. At first he said it was a “fetish,” then later admitted it was “curiosity.” There was a lot more there than he initially let on.
Since then, everything has been unraveling.
He told me he felt rushed into marriage and wasn’t ready, and that he “knew he’d mess it up.” At the same time, he says he loves me more than anything and that he’s glad I found out because now he can be a “new version of himself.”
But I feel like I’m being asked to absorb the damage while he figures himself out.
Outside of this situation, I’m starting to see patterns I ignored before:
I out-earn him by a lot, work more, and am actively building my career

I pay for almost everything (meals, driving, daily expenses)

He’s never paid for a meal in 3 years, until 2 days after I found out, when he brought home a $22 takeout pizza and made sure to mention the price

He’s used my credit card without asking (even for something as small as paper towels)

He won’t show me his finances, but has seen mine

He talks about wanting dates and vacations but does none of the planning or paying

Basic things like asking him to scoop the litter box turn into arguments

Emotionally, I feel like I’ve been put into a caretaker role. He’s very dependent on me, and I’ve even started wondering if he’s looking for something maternal in our relationship. He didn’t grow up with a mother, and sometimes it feels like I’m filling that role instead of being a partner.
There are also boundary issues that are really affecting me. I wake up early for work, and he’ll grope me at night while I’m trying to sleep, even when I’ve made it clear I need rest. I’ve been dealing with sleep deprivation because of it.
He also hides me from his family and says they’re “different,” while leaning heavily on my family’s support and kindness.
I feel used, honestly. Financially, emotionally, and physically.
What I’m struggling with most is how this is framed as an “addiction.” I don’t fully connect with that. It feels like a series of choices (watching, hiding it, lying about it) and I’m having a hard time reconciling that with the idea of staying and “working through it.”
I poured myself into this relationship. I’m 25, I can support myself, and I know I have options. But part of me is scared that if I leave, I’ll just run into the same issues again and learn that this is just how men are.
So I guess my questions are:
Has anyone been in something like this and stayed? What made you stay?

If you left, did you find something healthier, or did you feel like the same patterns kept showing up?

How do you actually determine if something like this is fixable vs. something you’re just tolerating?

Right now, I feel like I’m betraying myself by staying, but I’m also overwhelmed by how quickly everything changed.