u/millthrea

I’ve (18) been weight training for about a year. I’ve put on a good deal of muscle but as someone who has always been super lean i have also put on the most fat I’ve ever had. However, my breasts are the smallest they’ve ever been. I don’t suspect a hormonal imbalance but i guess that’s all that it could be?
Any tips or tricks or anything? Makes me feel extremely insecure as i didn’t have much to begin with.

I struggle pretty badly with food addiction. I wouldn’t say I binge eat but I definitely get out of control. Regardless of whether I’m stuffed if a craving gets triggered I have extremely low will power and will eat it. It’s not that I think the foods I’m craving are bad it’s that I don’t stop until I feel satisfied enough but often times it’s way too much. Especially ultra processed foods, if I’m around it I will eat it. I care about my health and fitness and this habit is really controlling me.

How do I find the grey area between eating for pleasure/honoring a craving and just feeling out of control with my addiction.

As for the cause of my addiction it’s literally just because I love food. There’s no emotional eating or restriction. I literally just love food and the dopamine it brings me.

I understand a pretty big principle of intuitive eating is stopping when you’re satisfied. However, people describe that as being full or mentally satisfied, and I don’t feel mentally satisfied until I’ve eaten until sickness.

I’d love to intuitively eat but I want to not only be healthy but I also DO want to be able to enjoy cravings when I’m already full, just not to the extent I am now.

I haven’t read any of the core books but I have researched online. I have just started to try and stick to it again.

I have an extreme need to categorize every tiny process and thing in my life in notes. However, I am constantly obsessing over the bigger picture, connections, etc. I do this to the point my brain is unclear and I can no longer even distinguish what I’m thinking about. This feeling is unexplainable and so overwhelming I want to shut down but I can’t . The feeling of shutting down brings me terrible anxiety because I feel that I am actively falling behind in life.

I’m struggling to even write this because trying to explain in words my thought process is honestly impossible.
I organize every little thing with hopes of advancing it. For example I have categorizes like “Appearance” which is just filled with notes on how to improve each and everything about my physical appearance. I have these categories for virtually everything imaginable. Although, because I am determined to write down and organize my ENTIRE life and mind, I get overwhelmed feeling like the categories are wrong. I feel that they have too many overlapping connections and levels. I feel that by just categorizing my life into essentially boxes I’m missing out on the benefits I would get if I analyzed these things with a perspective of systems, not just “linear” categories.
Just saying it out loud makes total sense, yes things are not just categories. Everything is overlapping and systematic. Trying to think about my life and organize it this way has proven impossible.
I feel like a failure who will never be able to succeed in life as all i’m occupied by is an obsession with complete control and understanding.