u/minbitz

I have been burrowing myself in self sorrow for far too long and I want to start taking care of my physical and mental health.

I want to put it down somewhere to remind myself and I want to make sure I do it!

1. Self Care - Go to salon at least once a month for hair treatment and facial
2. Detox - Detox myself from toxic friend. If they can't be bothered with me, I should not give them any time whenever they reach out to me when they want something from me
3. Learn to say no - I want to say no to boss and coworkers. I don't want to be always taken for granted that if someone can't finish their work, I have to be the one to clean up their shit
4. Stop whining - I want to stop whining about how bad my life is. Whining doesn't help. Taking action to change it is how it will finally improve.

These are baby steps for me but I want to look back in a month's time to tell myself that I am different from who I am today.

I have come to realize that people around me are not really around me.

When I am feeling lonely and send a message to someone who I think is my friend and it takes them hours to reply (always) and they disappeared for hours before replying again and this happened again and again to more than one "friend", it made me wonder it I am such a bad person that I don't deserve any friends?

Why is no one ever truly caring for me?
Why is no one truly my friend?

Being an only child, I have no siblings unlike others who can talk to their sister or brother.

My mother is a traditional Asian mum who does not believe in being a friend of her daughter.

My father is a cheater and abused me when I was young.

I have 2 ex boyfriends who all cheated on me.

Do I not deserve any love in this world?

Why is it so hard to just find one person to be my friend and truly care for me.

I so hate my job because my teammate is always causing issues and my boss favors her and will always take her side when issues arose..

Today she made an error in her work earlier in the file she sent to me and after I have wrapped up and submitted the work to higher management, she secretly went into the shared folder to rectify her error. The shared folder actually shows a record of who and what time a revision is made. I happened to go into the folder to look for another file and saw her last modified time. I opened and realized that the numbers have changed drastically.

I went up to her and asked her if she made an amendment and she lied that it was done before deadline and that the last modified time is just because she went in to doublecheck again. I went to restore earlier version to show her that she lied because the earlier version (time she "said" she made the changes) shows a different number and she just ignored me and went home. This happened at the end of the day and I have to stayed back to rework everything because of her.

I feedback to my boss and she said that probably a misunderstanding and that I need to be more empathetic and be a team player and not complain about her.

This is not the first incident. She is always late and will tell me that she will finish her work when she feels like it and she will delay the work by days but my boss will tell me that I need to be understanding but demand me to still finish my task on time despite the teammate delay.

I am so pissed off with everyone at work!