u/mintwede

I'm an average American bachelor, though I live a relatively healthy life compared to most. I don't drink, smoke, do drugs, consume added sugar or eat many carbs. I run at least a mile or two a day. I hit the gym three times a week, but now slowing down as I progress through my 30's. It works for me. Most of my buzz in life comes from runner's highs.

Over the years I've had this weird fantasy of adopting and helping a fat person who doesn't want to be fat. Not sleep with her or anything, just let her sleep on my pull-out bed for a few months, cook us up some nice healthy salmon and salads every day, help her through the sugar withdrawals, wake her up at 6:30 to go running, and watch that 30 bmi fall to a 23. Introduce her to oregano, the subtleties of black coffee, get her an adderall prescription maybe. Not even in a weird grooming way either. Just purely altruistic, if not pretty conceited. All I'd ask is they pay for some of my rent and grocery bill. I imagine there are countless fat women who have tried dieting but can't muster the discipline to make it work, and just need a heartless man to slap their wrist when temptation arises. They're all like "I tried dieting but it's just so hard" like it's not that hard, you just need a temporary authority figure.

Could turn it into a play. Call it Pig-Malion lol.

Sadly this fantasy has taken a hit since ozempic became popular, but my longing to make a difference in someone's life persists. Maybe instead I can teach an incel to play guitar. Or maybe teach a poor family of immigrants to speak English. Like my own Von Trapp family but with Guatemalens hiding from ICE, and I'm teaching them English via songs and dancing. Then I can wear a beautiful dress like Julie Andrews and dance in a glass gazebo. Not with the guatemalen husband. Just by myself.

Julie Andrews was also in a stage production of My Fair Lady coincidentally! Did you know that? Yeah the original stage run I think. She would have been amazing.

And she was replaced by Audrey Hepburn who did a great job, and even did her own singing, but they overdubbed her singing in the final cut without telling Hepburn!!! I know what the fuck! And you can find Hepburn's version online easily. It's actually really good! I think way better than the dub.

Remember the horse race scene in the film? Legendary. That white and black dress and the giant hat. My god. I'd wear that in the glass gazebo instead actually.

Did anyone see Bugonia? She’s one of the most unsettling characters in cinema history and irl she’s strange too

I said this already but I’m going to say it again because I love America

After falling back on the endless eat shit/fast cycle i fall back on every couple of years I gained like 10lbs. Sue me. The only think that consistently works to break this cycle is tracking calories until I fall back to healthy eating habits.

What the fuck. Enshitification hit those apps like a brick. For starters almost every single app is paywalled to oblivion. "Only premium users can track red meat", "3.99 a month to be able to log more than a meal a day".

Then, data dashboards. I need cals and at most macros. I don't need social, streaks, how much of a goodboi I'm being, or to win special medals.

But what infuriates me the most is how regarded the food databases are which, I guess reflect the user base. You can search and find your specific Starbucks double chocolate triple shot espresso matcha secret menu item with absolutely no issue. But if you need to create a recipe like for meal prepping it's impossible to find what you are looking for. Want to look for uncooked white rice to add to recipe. Search rice. Results: Rice Krispies, rice basmati cooked, rice with barley, Outback Steakhouse rice side dish (big bowl). It's fucking maddening. Not to mention the units.

Let's say I find rice. White rice, uncooked. And I want to add it to the recipe, either two standard cups or x grams/oz. Units available: servings(??????) individual grains, the old ladle at my nonas house, talents, carats.

My fitness pal might very well be the worst. Should be called My Just Do Ozempic Don't Bother Buying a Food Scale Acquaintance.