u/miss_excuses

We’ve been together for 4 years and have known each other for 5. We work for the same company (different locations, but it’s a transferable job).
We’re both from general caste families, but we belong to different castes. Honestly, I never imagined there would be this much resistance over it.
He told his parents first, and they were genuinely happy for us. After that, they encouraged him to ask me to tell my parents.
When I told my father, he initially said he didn’t care about caste as long as the man was good. He told me the real opposition would come from my mother and grandparents. He also said that if I married my boyfriend, it would have to be a court or temple wedding because our families wouldn’t agree to a traditional ceremony.
A few days later, he completely changed his stance. He reminded me that my parents had always wanted me to marry within our community and said I should have respected that.
My mother hasn’t spoken to me since.
Then my father asked me to take six months to think about my decision.
After I returned to work, he called again and told me he’d discussed everything with my uncles from both sides of the family. Every one of them opposed the marriage and said they’d cut ties with our family if I went ahead with it.
The reason?
They said their own children would face difficulties finding spouses if people knew there had been an inter-caste marriage in the family.
To my surprise, my father agreed with them. He even said this could affect my younger brother’s future marriage prospects.
Then came the part that completely shocked me.
He suggested that instead of getting married, I should just stay in a live-in relationship with my boyfriend. He said I should wait until all my siblings and cousins got married before thinking about marriage myself—which could easily take another 10 years.
I honestly couldn’t believe what I was hearing.
Why should I put my life on hold for people who have contributed nothing to it? I understand caring about my parents’ feelings, but why should the opinions of extended relatives dictate such a major life decision?
What’s even stranger is that both my boyfriend and I want to get married, and his parents want that too. So how is a live-in relationship somehow the “better” option?
The saddest part is that I always wanted a proper traditional wedding. I never wanted a court marriage. But if that’s my only option, then so be it.
At this point, I’m no longer worried about what relatives think. Their argument about protecting their own children’s marriage prospects made me realize that their social standing matters more to them than my happiness. I only wish my parents didn’t feel obligated to prioritize those people over their own daughter.
I’ve always respected my family’s traditions, but I don’t believe respecting them should come at the cost of giving up my freedom to marry someone I genuinely love.
Because of my job, I’ve met hundreds of people over the years. I’ve never connected with anyone the way I have with my boyfriend. I can’t imagine spending my life with someone chosen simply because they belong to the “right” caste.
Ironically, my parents don’t even seem interested in finding someone else for me anymore. They’d rather I remain unmarried than marry the man I love.
But I don’t want that.
I want to marry him, and I will.
I just hope my parents eventually realize that the opinions of relatives who will gossip for a few weeks shouldn’t matter more than their daughter’s happiness.
I’ve even started thinking that maybe we’ll just get married somewhere peaceful with only the people who genuinely want to celebrate with us.
What hurts the most is that people who simply follow society’s expectations get to celebrate one of the happiest days of their lives with their families, while choosing the person I love somehow means I don’t deserve that same joy.
That’s the part I can’t stop feeling angry about.

We’ve been together for 4 years and have known each other for 5. We work for the same company (different locations, but it’s a transferable job).
We’re both from general caste families, but we belong to different castes. Honestly, I never imagined there would be this much resistance over it.
He told his parents first, and they were genuinely happy for us. After that, they encouraged him to ask me to tell my parents.
When I told my father, he initially said he didn’t care about caste as long as the man was good. He told me the real opposition would come from my mother and grandparents. He also said that if I married my boyfriend, it would have to be a court or temple wedding because our families wouldn’t agree to a traditional ceremony.
A few days later, he completely changed his stance. He reminded me that my parents had always wanted me to marry within our community and said I should have respected that.
My mother hasn’t spoken to me since.
Then my father asked me to take six months to think about my decision.
After I returned to work, he called again and told me he’d discussed everything with my uncles from both sides of the family. Every one of them opposed the marriage and said they’d cut ties with our family if I went ahead with it.
The reason?
They said their own children would face difficulties finding spouses if people knew there had been an inter-caste marriage in the family.
To my surprise, my father agreed with them. He even said this could affect my younger brother’s future marriage prospects.
Then came the part that completely shocked me.
He suggested that instead of getting married, I should just stay in a live-in relationship with my boyfriend. He said I should wait until all my siblings and cousins got married before thinking about marriage myself—which could easily take another 10 years.
I honestly couldn’t believe what I was hearing.
Why should I put my life on hold for people who have contributed nothing to it? I understand caring about my parents’ feelings, but why should the opinions of extended relatives dictate such a major life decision?
What’s even stranger is that both my boyfriend and I want to get married, and his parents want that too. So how is a live-in relationship somehow the “better” option?
The saddest part is that I always wanted a proper traditional wedding. I never wanted a court marriage. But if that’s my only option, then so be it.
At this point, I’m no longer worried about what relatives think. Their argument about protecting their own children’s marriage prospects made me realize that their social standing matters more to them than my happiness. I only wish my parents didn’t feel obligated to prioritize those people over their own daughter.
I’ve always respected my family’s traditions, but I don’t believe respecting them should come at the cost of giving up my freedom to marry someone I genuinely love.
Because of my job, I’ve met hundreds of people over the years. I’ve never connected with anyone the way I have with my boyfriend. I can’t imagine spending my life with someone chosen simply because they belong to the “right” caste.
Ironically, my parents don’t even seem interested in finding someone else for me anymore. They’d rather I remain unmarried than marry the man I love.
But I don’t want that.
I want to marry him, and I will.
I just hope my parents eventually realize that the opinions of relatives who will gossip for a few weeks shouldn’t matter more than their daughter’s happiness.
I’ve even started thinking that maybe we’ll just get married somewhere peaceful with only the people who genuinely want to celebrate with us.
What hurts the most is that people who simply follow society’s expectations get to celebrate one of the happiest days of their lives with their families, while choosing the person I love somehow means I don’t deserve that same joy.
That’s the part I can’t stop feeling angry about.

We’ve been together for 4 years and have known each other for 5. We work for the same company (different locations, but it’s a transferable job).

We’re both from general caste families, but we belong to different castes. Honestly, I never imagined there would be this much resistance over it.
He told his parents first, and they were genuinely happy for us. After that, they encouraged him to ask me to tell my parents.

When I told my father, he initially said he didn’t care about caste as long as the man was good. He told me the real opposition would come from my mother and grandparents. He also said that if I married my boyfriend, it would have to be a court or temple wedding because our families wouldn’t agree to a traditional ceremony.

A few days later, he completely changed his stance. He reminded me that my parents had always wanted me to marry within our community and said I should have respected that.
My mother hasn’t spoken to me since.
Then my father asked me to take six months to think about my decision.

After I returned to work, he called again and told me he’d discussed everything with my uncles from both sides of the family. Every one of them opposed the marriage and said they’d cut ties with our family if I went ahead with it.
The reason?

They said their own children would face difficulties finding spouses if people knew there had been an inter-caste marriage in the family.
To my surprise, my father agreed with them. He even said this could affect my younger brother’s future marriage prospects.

Then came the part that completely shocked me.
He suggested that instead of getting married, I should just stay in a live-in relationship with my boyfriend. He said I should wait until all my siblings and cousins got married before thinking about marriage myself—which could easily take another 10 years.

I honestly couldn’t believe what I was hearing.
Why should I put my life on hold for people who have contributed nothing to it? I understand caring about my parents’ feelings, but why should the opinions of extended relatives dictate such a major life decision?
What’s even stranger is that both my boyfriend and I want to get married, and his parents want that too. So how is a live-in relationship somehow the “better” option?

The saddest part is that I always wanted a proper traditional wedding. I never wanted a court marriage. But if that’s my only option, then so be it.

At this point, I’m no longer worried about what relatives think. Their argument about protecting their own children’s marriage prospects made me realize that their social standing matters more to them than my happiness. I only wish my parents didn’t feel obligated to prioritize those people over their own daughter.

I’ve always respected my family’s traditions, but I don’t believe respecting them should come at the cost of giving up my freedom to marry someone I genuinely love.

Because of my job, I’ve met hundreds of people over the years. I’ve never connected with anyone the way I have with my boyfriend. I can’t imagine spending my life with someone chosen simply because they belong to the “right” caste.

Ironically, my parents don’t even seem interested in finding someone else for me anymore. They’d rather I remain unmarried than marry the man I love.
But I don’t want that.

I want to marry him, and I will.

I just hope my parents eventually realize that the opinions of relatives who will gossip for a few weeks shouldn’t matter more than their daughter’s happiness.

I’ve even started thinking that maybe we’ll just get married somewhere peaceful with only the people who genuinely want to celebrate with us.

What hurts the most is that people who simply follow society’s expectations get to celebrate one of the happiest days of their lives with their families, while choosing the person I love somehow means I don’t deserve that same joy.

That’s the part I can’t stop feeling angry about.