u/miuracula

heyo! i'm INFJ myself, been in a relationship with a handsome(albeit messy) INTP fella for last 10 months. finding how "i'm an infj with questions about love" flair already exists pretty hilarious btw.

over the course it's been only getting better and better, but the biggest obstacle i had in the beginning stage of our relationship was how infrequent(almost non existent) or awkward my INTP bf was about expressing affection/interest over text. no random cute texts throughout the day, let alone "how's your day been" texts. he's a sweetheart in person, and i found this disparity a bit disconcerting- now i know it's because he was bad at communicating this sort of things.

i heard this is pretty common among INTPs- especially not really asking someone "how's your day been" or "how are you" etc. after a lot of teaching by example and earnest conversations he's gotten a lot better at it, i get surprise lovey dovey voice note every once in a blue moon and he'd randomly text me wishing me a good day and how he loves me and cares about me. of course he's not the most romantic in these messages, but that's a huge improvement that i appreciate. he's much more affectionate when i express first.

i don't complain about it, better than love bombing for sure. the improvement over time alone made me get much assured about his feelings for me, and i think it'll get better further.

also curiously i've dated 2 INTPs before(i'm a bit of xNTP magnet) and both were more on the clingy side, so of course everyone's a bit different.

anyways i have a question- are you guys really BAD at it, or do you just NOT want to do it? (i.e. don't feel the need for it) what's the thought process that you guys go through to not be all lovey dovey cutesy wutesy even when you feel strongly for someone? because i'm a bit jealous of that nonchalance haha

My BF plays TCG and plays League of Legends. Naturally his late interest shifted to Riftbound, a League of Legends TCG. (translation for layfolk: he has a nerd hobby that costs a good amount of money.)

Recently a Korean offline event exclusive card was released, and he wanted it pretty bad. Unfortunately we're in North America. Fortunately I'm Korean. So I pulled some strings and got the card for a steal price of 140 bucks (seller was motivated & the card had a very minor flaw almost imperceptible to the naked eye), and this card is being traded for ~350 USD ish in North American market here. You had to win the lottery at the offline event to get the card, which made the price hike pretty high.

Of course procuring this card from an individual buyer at this good of a price wasn't breezy, also had my family involved in the process to help me ship it across the pacific, and I was a bit tight budget/cash wise. I told the latter part to him and he said he would transfer me the money. Him saying that was one of the biggest reason I actually arranged all this for him.

When I finally got him the card of course he was very happy, and that alone felt enough to me because I love him and I don't want to be transactional in a relationship. It was either him remembering his words and giving me the money or me chalking this up as a gift. He pays for meals all the time and every once in a while my grocery so I thought it's fair and shrugged it off. Also my financial situation has gotten a bit better so I didn't necessarily have to recoup the money.

Today we were on a date and yapping. We were looking through newly released Riftbound cards together and I jokingly asked him to get a $170 thirst trap beefcake card for me. Then he made a passing joke of how I want expensive gifts. This rubbed me the wrong way because 1. It was a joke 2. I've never asked for any gifts in the course of our relationship ever.

So I retorted along the lines of "funny you say that, if I'm correct I'm the one who give you the expensive gifts". Because it's true, besides of this card I have been the one who gifts him with big purchases while he pays for our small daily expenses. Said in a cheeky way to tease him more than anything.

Then he got defensive and got back to me with how there were times I told him I'd transfer him the money for the grocery(which later he said it was fine and forget about it) or how he pays for the meals (I pay occasionally too).

This pissed me off but I did also think he held some valid point, so I just gently pointed out that I got the card for him even though I was tight on cash then because he said he'd transfer the money to me. And also making things transactional between us and about "getting even" or "being fair" is usually detrimental to the relationship. He kinda understood my point and asked me if I want the money but the point here wasn't really even money anymore so I declined.

I thought we were doing things for each other without repayment or reciprocation but realizing he was keeping mental tabs on things left me with sour taste in my mouth. I'm even contemplating splitting all bills 50/50 from now on to spite him lol which is toxic I know, just a fleeting evil fancy.

TL;DR: I was broke but got something expensive for my BF because he told me he would pay me back. By the time he got it I wasn't even expecting him to pay me the money back. Later I joked about how I give him expensive gifts he claimed him paying for my groceries occassionally and meals most of the time suffices as a payment and we're even.

So yeah, the title is misleading. Am I the asshole for getting pissed at my boyfriend for substituting a promised payment with past spendings?

so i'm used to skin colored residue coming off my cotton pads when i use toners- this explicitly started happening after i incorporated different forms of copper peptides in my routine so it's most likely just oxidized copper peptide product residue. (used to drive me crazy before finding this out because i felt like i wasn't cleansing my makeup sufficiently even though i was & it absolutely did not feel like dead skin)

but today something curious happened- face felt very ruddy in the morning, wiped the entire face with the ordinary saccharomyces toner gently. there was blush red residue coming off my face onto the cotton pad, so much that i had to use both sides then another. this never happened before, and i suspected it might be lip stain residue from last night- gave my lips a thorough scrub and nothing came off. the rosy red residue was coming from my face and face only. what can this be?

my last night's routine was:

• the ordinary glycolic acid toner
• the ordinary gf serum
• benton galactomyces toner(i use this as an extra layer of hydration rather than a toner)
• the ordinary niacinamide+zinc serum
• benton vitamin C serum
• hadalabo gokujyun milk
• niod copper amino isolate lipid(applied 20 minutes after all above to reduce interference with glycolic acid/vitamin c)

i felt whimsy enough to incorporate vitamin c into the routine which i do rarely, and i'm suspecting vitamin c and copper peptides reacted with each other in some way to create this rosy red colored residue. did something like this happen to anybody else?

(also i'm sure this happened to me before but this is the first time finding out because i did a toner+cotton pad cleanse. the ruddiness happened before every once in a while and i usually did water+foam cleanser and it was gone.)