u/mkoay

So, my husband has sought support from only women when we’ve gone through hard times. He hasn’t actually gotten together with them, but has contacted a few different women, I believe. Maybe chatted through FB or text, maybe.

He says his male friends don’t provide the support he needs. He says the support from women is very different than what men provide.

This makes me feel so uneasy. We’ve had issues sexually and this is when he started contacting other women. As far as I know, he’s not typically “emotionally cheating” like forming intimate conversations as far as I know.

I don’t know if this is considered emotional cheating - I’m just trying to process it. He is emotionally abusive in other ways however.

Edit: another maybe relative part - my husband would be livid if I did this.

Thank you all for your support and advice in my last post. I won’t make this post too long, but I’ll tell the gist of it. There’s a lot, lol.

We talked a lot today. He’s admitted that he has a sex/porn addiction, which I knew he had issues with porn but I never made it an issue. Basically, he’s said that during this period without sex, he’s reached out to seek attention from other women, but just company and not sexual. He said he’s thought about cheating, going to the happy ending places - due to the frustration, but he hasn’t done anything. I trust him in this, we have a very open and honest relationship. He hasn’t done anything because he knows it’s not what he wants. He doesn’t want to destroy the beautiful life he has.

He’s had CSA which has contributed to a lot of his sexual issues. What we got down to was him suggesting just getting a handjob from our previous third in just the extreme times (like, very rarely) when it gets bad. Like when I’m not available and it’s been awhile. I said hard pass. He said it’s either that or seeking attention/company, because he doesn’t want to get to the point of feeling like cheating. He said he’s been lacking that attention and needs company or the relief. He says I’m not understanding the addiction part, which I really don’t tbh. He said even getting things up and going with our sexual life, there’s the uncertainty of when it’ll happen, if we’ll get interrupted by our son and he can’t finish, then doesn’t know if/when we can continue.

He also mentioned the desire for threesomes. I told I’m not into it in the near future, but maybe once our son is a lot older. He said that having sex regularly helps that desire go down, but doesn’t fully satisfy him.

I talked about trying to make it work, just us. I told him I really want monogamy. I just don’t understand why we couldn’t just figure this out ourselves? Maybe there’s something I’m not getting about why there would even be a need for a rare handjob if we’re regularly having sex? Maybe he said it out of his current frustration? I have so many questions, feelings, and confusion. This is all so complicated.

Edit: we just got into an argument because he said “okay, I’ll just fucking leave you alone then” to our son when he whined that he didn’t want to play. He said there’s nothing wrong with it??? Am I crazy?

I’m so upset about this whole ordeal.

It’s been awhile since we’ve had sex - about three-ish months. We’ve both had a lot of stress and just overall busyness. Both of us have tried to suggest sex once or twice in this time, but we also have a two year old which makes finding time difficult.

I have a low libido and my husband’s is high. I’m still breastfeeding which contributes to my already lower libido. His birthday was yesterday and I had already planned on giving him oral, which he said right before his birthday that he wanted. (I had already decided to before he mentioned this)

However, yesterday, he said he really, really wanted double head. We’ve had two threesomes and I’ve already mentioned I’m not interested in continuing at the moment. I did agree though, since it’s his birthday, but I didn’t want to have our child around while this happened. He wanted to do it after our son went to sleep. I wasn’t comfortable with this. He blew up and has had an attitude since. He’s even treated our son rudely. We don’t have a babysitter readily available, so it would be some time before we could make it happen.

I get his sexual frustration, but he didn’t mention this to me before the blowup. I just assumed the stress was getting to him too. I probably should’ve talked to him before all this happened, instead of assuming. He wanted to have sex after my period was over, and I told him, but he didn’t seem interested after I told him.

I’m not sure where to go from here. He’s said he’s given up, which he says things out of emotion sometimes, but I’m so heartbroken. I feel worthless and like I can’t satisfy him anymore.

Edit: the birthday head I was supposed to give him didn’t work out, since he was too enraged about the double head situation

I’ve repressed my emotions as far back as I can remember and I can tell I have a part that is just anger. I hear the screaming, bitching - just pure anger. I only hear it when I’m alone and it’s “safe” to have these feelings.

I never express anger, only just irritation/annoyance. I only have “acceptable” emotions I can express and they still have to be “a reasonable amount shown”. Any negative emotion MUST be expressed to others in a healthy way. It’s like I have to pretend to have my shit together when it’s the complete opposite.

Let me know your thoughts!