I walked away from someone I actually wanted because I thought it was the right thing to do. Did I make a mistake?
Four years ago, I went through a really bad breakup with an abusive, serial-cheating ex. After that, I told myself I would never get into another relationship again.
I stopped praying about relationships. I stopped looking for anyone. I stopped even thinking about it. I just poured all my energy into work and my family—my siblings and my parents—and honestly, I was pretty content with that life.
Then this guy came out of nowhere.
And somehow, he has all these qualities I never expected to find in one person.
He's incredibly considerate and gentle. He gets my humor. He prays for me and with me. When something difficult comes up between us, he actually talks about it. Even disagreements that could have turned into fights somehow don't, because he communicates instead of shutting down or becoming defensive.
We have an age gap that's actually within what I've always wanted (2–4 years). He's completely unafraid to be silly. He'll randomly sing songs. And, unlike people who leave you guessing about what they want, he literally told me clearly what his intentions were with me.
And the worst part?
I didn't even intend to fall for him.
But my heart apparently didn't get the memo.
I want this person so much. And yet, logically, I keep thinking that maybe I'm not the right person for him.
I've recently moved very far away from him, and I don't do long-distance relationships. I also don't think I'm ready for a relationship at all right now, especially with everything happening with my family and the recent hospitalizations we've had to deal with.
And there's this voice in my head telling me that he deserves someone better. Someone who is ready. Someone who can actually be there. Someone who doesn't come with all the complications I'm carrying right now.
So I made a decision.
I walked away.
I cut off communication because I thought maybe that's the kindest thing I could do for him. He's genuinely one of the sweetest people I've ever met, and I don't want to keep him emotionally attached to someone who can't give him what he deserves.
But now I'm sitting here wondering if I did the right thing.
Part of me thinks I protected him.
Another part of me wonders if I just pushed away someone who came into my life at exactly the moment I had stopped asking for anyone.
I didn't leave because I didn't want him.
I left because I wanted him too much, even if it meant becoming the villain in his story, and I was scared that wanting him wasn't enough to make a relationship possible.
Was I wrong for doing this? Is cutting someone off actually an act of love when you believe you aren't capable of giving them what they need, or am I just making the decision for him because I'm afraid?
How do you move forward when your heart wants someone but your circumstances—and your own head—are telling you to let them go?