u/mochiandcoco

In my marriage, I’m normally easily and compassionate, but I think this week and especially today I’m still carrying anger and bitterness against her. In one incident we were working together and it was my first day working with her, and I only took a shift with at her job for conveninece for them. But that first day felt like hell because she subconsciously was belittling me while I was trying to learn on the spot. I don’t think she meant to maliciously, but I did feel the sense of tension as she was trying to train me. The second incident happened yesterday as we lead a group together and I was hoping she would be here to help lead this group, but she texted me last minute that she couldn’t come and it wasn’t for anything life-threatening, but it was because of last-minute plans. In this Support group has been a group we’ve been walking with for a whole year and it only led to having me feel more bitter against her yesterday. And then today she promised that we’d watch a specific movie together on Tuesday since it’s cheap and she decides to buy her own movie ticket on her own for a movie that I didn’t want to watch. But because I didn’t want her to watch alone I decided to get a ticket to watch with her today, but part of me still feels bitter that it’s not the movie that we decided a while back.

I don’t know why I feel selfish for me to think these things, but I don’t want to hold any anger or bitterness against her and I want to choose to love and show compassion, but I can’t help it to feel the sense of bitterness in my body. I don’t think my wife does this out of anything evil, but I can’t help it to feel the effects of her choices that affects me.

Today I’m kind of regretting whether I should watch the movie with her today even though it’s not the movie I wanted to watch. I just don’t hold anything against her and I want to be able to process this anger healthily without taking it out on her.

EDIT:

it’s really hard for me to also celebrate with her this week since she is graduating from her doctorate program. This is the worst week to feel all this anger and bitterness which it should be celebratory and honoring her. And yeah, I don’t feel that at all because of these little incidents that are pissing me off. This just adds a new layer knowing that Saturday she graduates we celebrate and I should be the one cheering with her and yet I don’t feel as excited as I should be.